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I was diagnosed with a "huge" brain tumor several years ago. The neurosurgeon said my chances for survival were very slim and that chances for making it through the surgery itself were not good. (I later learned that he'd told my own doctor that I had "no chance in hell!") That was 24 years ago.
I wanted to talk to my wife about it, but she refused to discuss it. Your wife may not want to talk about it either, and if that's the case then I'd just tell her that if/when she wants to talk, you're ready to discuss it too.
As I was awaiting my surgery, I wrote letters to each of my teenage children and to my wife, sealed them in envelopes addressed to them and gave them to my wife to hold "in case". I got all my life insurance policies out and included them and got all the documents in order.
My wife's reaction to the whole deal, particularly immediately before my surgery, was one of reasons I divorced her a couple years later, as she refused to wait with me a few more minutes until I was taken into surgery. She was in a hurry to have breakfast and go clothes shopping. And then she refused to kiss me because she didn't want to smear her lipstick! So as I lie there awaiting surgery, I decided to divorce her if I survived. That's NOT the attitude doctors want you to have when facing a life-threatening surgery.
Your objective should be to support your wife in any way that you can and to do your best to keep her spirits up and maintaining a positive outlook. While it may be normal for you to wonder "what if", I'd keep those thoughts to yourself and at a minimum. Many of us will eventually lose a spouse, but until and unless we do, we should keep our energies focused on supporting and caring for the one we already have.
LOL your ex sounds like a piece of work. I would have been determined to survive just so I could divorce her ass on the backside.
I was diagnosed with a "huge" brain tumor several years ago. The neurosurgeon said my chances for survival were very slim and that chances for making it through the surgery itself were not good. (I later learned that he'd told my own doctor that I had "no chance in hell!") That was 24 years ago.
I wanted to talk to my wife about it, but she refused to discuss it. Your wife may not want to talk about it either, and if that's the case then I'd just tell her that if/when she wants to talk, you're ready to discuss it too.
As I was awaiting my surgery, I wrote letters to each of my teenage children and to my wife, sealed them in envelopes addressed to them and gave them to my wife to hold "in case". I got all my life insurance policies out and included them and got all the documents in order.
My wife's reaction to the whole deal, particularly immediately before my surgery, was one of reasons I divorced her a couple years later, as she refused to wait with me a few more minutes until I was taken into surgery. She was in a hurry to have breakfast and go clothes shopping. And then she refused to kiss me because she didn't want to smear her lipstick! So as I lie there awaiting surgery, I decided to divorce her if I survived. That's NOT the attitude doctors want you to have when facing a life-threatening surgery.
Your objective should be to support your wife in any way that you can and to do your best to keep her spirits up and maintaining a positive outlook. While it may be normal for you to wonder "what if", I'd keep those thoughts to yourself and at a minimum. Many of us will eventually lose a spouse, but until and unless we do, we should keep our energies focused on supporting and caring for the one we already have.
OMG. I have never seen/heard of that except on tv! I'm glad you got to "make good", Wyo!
Maybe I read way too much into it . . . but I wondered if the OP was thinking about the future in re: to such things as having children with someone who may not be able to fully participate in raising them -- and whether this is something they should discuss NOW in re: to the longterm implications of having a family in a few years, then dealing with health issues that would mean he would bear the brunt of child raising, basically alone.
I think that would be a normal situation to be contemplating. He is just starting out his life.
What kind of disease does she have?? There are amazing advances in medical treatments these day's. What killed her father is possibly very treatable these day's.
I'm 28 and my wife is 29 and was officially diagnosed with the disease that took her father at a fairly young age. As of lately I've been kind of, I guess planning what I should if my wife does pass, what to do with life insurance, who, and or when I should find some one else. I'm not trying to get rid of her by any means, I love her like crazy, but I guess I find my self thinking....what if. Is it wrong to plan ahead like this. She is doing great but I still can shake this feeling that something might happen and I will be stuck with a lot of big decisions at such an early stage in my life.
Taking you at your word that you love your wife like crazy, I think that your thoughts are just a way of processing the information about your wife's disease. Although in reality we all face unknown futures and never know what tomorrow might bring, you are having to confront that fact straight up. People deal with stress and sadness differently and I'm guessing that you deal with things by sorting through contingencies and trying to plan ahead.
Hope you and your wife enjoy many happy years together.
What kind of disease does she have?? There are amazing advances in medical treatments these day's. What killed her father is possibly very treatable these day's.
WHen I read his post, what came to my mind was Huntington's, which would be a terrible situation to know you would be dealing with, and certainly not a situation that would lend itself to raising children together.
I know a young couple who have had to deal with this and it has meant nursing home placement for the wife, b/f she was even 40 years old.
Not meaning to make assumptions, but for some folks, that kind of situation looming on the horizon should make one pause and think about how the future is going to look - not just from a caretaking point of view, but financially, as well. Add children into the mix (or the desire to have kids) . . . just saying there are diseases that would make me think twice about the longterm implications of being in a relationship at 29 years of age.
Hope no one takes offense to what I am saying. I am just being very practical about a deeply emotional subject.
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So as I lie there awaiting surgery, I decided to divorce her if I survived. That's NOT the attitude doctors want you to have when facing a life-threatening surgery.
I have never seen/heard of that except on tv! I'm glad you got to "make good", Wyo! 
