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I actually hate funerals. I really loathe public displays of grief. I refuse to attend them. People don't understand...I had a funeral one time, that I did not want to have, I felt like it was for everyone else, and it was like a day of salt and alcohol, poured on raw flesh. And yes, everyone acted like they,"understood" what I was going thru....really?! And the tears....really?! Stop. It was beyond...
I actually hate funerals. I really loathe public displays of grief. I refuse to attend them. People don't understand...I had a funeral one time, that I did not want to have, I felt like it was for everyone else, and it was like a day of salt and alcohol, poured on raw flesh. And yes, everyone acted like they,"understood" what I was going thru....really?! And the tears....really?! Stop. It was beyond...
Never again.
Sorry about what you went through. And had to "endure.".. It's hard to plan and (yuk) "host" a funeral when we're in shock and devasted and "broken-hearted." (Beyond description!)...It's asking way "too much!" This is how I feel too.
I actually hate funerals. I really loathe public displays of grief. I refuse to attend them. People don't understand...I had a funeral one time, that I did not want to have, I felt like it was for everyone else, and it was like a day of salt and alcohol, poured on raw flesh. And yes, everyone acted like they,"understood" what I was going thru....really?! And the tears....really?! Stop. It was beyond...
Never again.
They actually ARE for everyone else. To commiserate with each other about knowing the deceased.
unfortunately some funerals can be a big ordeal. Catholic funerals etc. (like for my Mom) but it was nice to see how many friends she had and while I was in shock, as I look back it was okay except for a few really dumb comments made to us kids "God opens one door and closes another" (unsolicited, offhand platitudes at the wake).
However when my ex MIL died, I sent flowers but didn't attend. It was the right thing to do bcs, while she was a good person my place was not to be there.
As for Ops post, if someone constantly creates drama , etc., then that is a different issue. If they are absorbed in grief its a personal journey that I respect. But I think like some have mentioned it makes friends or acquaintances feel frustrated bcs they cant "solve" the problem. If a funeral is someone distant, there's really no reason to attend, bcs I think some people just go out of "obligation" or curiosity and that's not really helpful to the actual mourners who lost a loved one either.
unfortunately some funerals can be a big ordeal. Catholic funerals etc. (like for my Mom) but it was nice to see how many friends she had and while I was in shock, as I look back it was okay except for a few really dumb comments made to us kids "God opens one door and closes another" (unsolicited, offhand platitudes at the wake).
However when my ex MIL died, I sent flowers but didn't attend. It was the right thing to do bcs, while she was a good person my place was not to be there.
As for Ops post, if someone constantly creates drama , etc., then that is a different issue. If they are absorbed in grief its a personal journey that I respect. But I think like some have mentioned it makes friends or acquaintances feel frustrated bcs they cant "solve" the problem. If a funeral is someone distant, there's really no reason to attend, bcs I think some people just go out of "obligation" or curiosity and that's not really helpful to the actual mourners who lost a loved one either.
jmo, hope it makes sense, everyone's different.
Good post. I agree with you...I don't feel that I "belong" at every funeral. It depends on how close I was to the person who died...Or I might attend a funeral when one of my close friends has a death in their family, etc.
I went to my last funeral in 2006. My husband requested not to have a funeral. My mother did not want to have a funeral. I am not into funerals myself, I have been to "Celebration of Life" when the person dies and we talk about how much that person meant to us and everyone toasts with a glass of champagne. That is my preference. My husband use to tell me just put a bone up my butt and let the dogs take me away.
We call funerals "Home-going services" because we believe that when a Christian dies, they go to Heaven ) which is their home after they die.
Sometimes Christians (and others, I guess) call funerals "a celebration of life". That sounds so much better than "funeral".
People make their grief about them because they still grieve. They are still trying to heal, and sometimes talking helps.
I think you misunderstood the OP, Soda. They meant OTHER people who are "consoling" a grieving person turn that into their grieving, like saying "I understand what you are going through, I.......yada, yada, yada." See what I'm saying?
I think you misunderstood the OP, Soda. They meant OTHER people who are "consoling" a grieving person turn that into their grieving, like saying "I understand what you are going through, I.......yada, yada, yada." See what I'm saying?
I apologize. I'm not concentrating or reading very well now.
I'd better work on this cold and go to bed.
Again, my apologies.
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