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Hello all....I need to vent and ask for your advice/opinions.
The phone that has the answering machine on it stopped working this past week. Today I went in the office to check to make sure everything was hooked up; it was. But still no dial tone. Then I did a foolish thing; I listened to the greeting that my husband had left on it years ago. Now, I knew that he left the greeting, but I just wanted to hear it again. Big mistake. He left that greeting about 6 years ago, when he was stronger and healthier. Oh, my heart just melted and I felt like he was right there with me. But I also felt like a dagger went through my heart as I heard his beautiful voice. Now, I am a mess. A total and complete mess.
So here is my question, and it seems silly to me....very silly that I am asking you all, but I know you understand.....do I keep that phone so I can hear his voice whenever I want to, or throw out the phone and get a new one and leave a new message? My head tells me that, since I am trying to move forward with my life, I should get a new phone/leave a new greeting.....but my heart wants to hold on to that voice. It's like that's all I have left of him that is "real." I feel so silly thinking that, because I have reminders of him all over the house. But that deep, rich voice......
I didn't know who else to turn to but all of you. Thanks for listening.
It is hard to tell someone what to do. I would go with your inner most feeling, follow your heart. I have a video of my husband in the hospital, several days before he passed and several hours before he died I took several pictures of him and sometimes I look at that video and look at those pictures and just cry. It sounds nuts I know but it has helped relieve the pain from my heart and it brings me back to reality he will never come back to me. On my cell phone I have a message that tells the person they have reached "us" using our names and I won't take our names off of it, silly as it seems because I still feel it is us, he is still with me and to just use my name will validate he is no longer with me. I never have talked to anyone about this, I have alienated enough people and I just need to go by what is good for me.
I feel we take baby steps and it is like emerging your body into cold water, you take baby steps into the water until you acclimatize your body, then you take another step further into the water. Little steps until your whole body is into the water and you feel comfortable with the temperature of the water.
There are some people who can move quicker into the cold water than others. We are all unique and special.
Hey there, gf. (((HUGS))) I'm sorry you are not feeling "up to snuff" tonight. I understand what you are going through. I have my hubby on my cell phone singing happy birthday to me when his voice is clear and strong. I haven't listened to it in months now because it hurts so much to hear him BUT I keep it in case I start to forget the sound of his voice. IMO you should keep it. YOU don't call the house so YOU will not hear him until YOU want to. Or need to. It's alright IMO to meltdown after hearing him again, just remember to shake it off soon and continue your forward movement.
When I was down in Texas, my hubby accidently erased my dad singing happy birthday to me too. Dad had died Oct. 11th and I drove his car down to Texas to give to my daughter. Here it was late November/early December and Earl told me of his boo-boo. I went balistic! I had to mourn Daddy all over again because I had kept playing the recording and it made me "happy" to hear him. My mourning was even harder this time because I had no recording of Daddy's voice left. I was still fuming when I got back home in January. I still miss being able to replay that silly but so important to my heart message. I forgave Earl but I now know I will not erase him too.
Here there, smilin. I was typing as you were posting. I also had a video of hubby being chased by my parrot and I deleted it and am so sad now that I did.
Tngirl, I am so sorry....your post brought tears to my eyes. I lost my Mom, not a husband, but I had the same "voicemail greeting" dilemma. I had to change the greeting on my Mom's phone, and I dreaded hearing her voice. I knew it would upset me. Especially since she had recorded it when her voice was very weak and strained. Thankfully, there apparently had been a power failure (or something) that changed the greeting to the generic computer version.
My cousin told me she still has a voicemail message that my Mom left her. I absolutely would fall apart if I heard it. In my mind, I can still her voice -- she would see my name come up on the caller ID and answer "Hi (nickname)". I can hear it clear as a bell.
However, if I did have a phone with her voice on it, I think I would get a new phone, box up the old phone and put it in the closet....just in case someday I needed to hear her voice again. Although I'm not sure if you are talking about an actual phone or just the voicemail recording. Ahhh, I feel so bad for you....and I completely understand.
TNGirl, also, right after I posted the above, I had another potentially traumatic situation. I was listening to my VM messages, and decided to go through the "saved messages", which are usually ones that I didn't save purposefully, but probably hung up the phone after listening and they inadvertently got saved. Anyway, the first two messages are from almost a year ago. So uh oh, now I'm afraid there's going to be a message from my Mom. I was holding my breath....but thankfully, none was from her.
Also, I had another panic attack the other day when I inadvertently did a reverse date sort on my Outlook e-mail, and suddenly there was an e-mail from Mom at the top of the list! It took me a minute to realize the e-mails were from 2009. I still have all her e-mails but have not had the heart to look at them. I just quickly scroll by....I know it would just tear me up to read them.
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tngirl, I had the same dilemma. After dh died, I wanted to save his VM from his office, but the attorney who was settling the estate erased it almost immediately and recorded a new message letting dh's clients know he died. I could have killed this guy except he was a good friend of dh's for over 25 years. I had recorded our VM's for home, so what I did was cancel my cell phone and I took over his. He had recorded his greeting and whenever I want a quick listen to his voice, I call the cell phone. After three years, it still breaks my heart and reduces me to tears.
Keep his voice as long as you can and want to. Wearing your wedding rings, keeping his clothes or personal items and having his VM recording are all things that only you can make decisions about. It's what feels right for you, and what makes you happy. That's all that counts.
As an aside, a year after dh died, my son bought me a cable that connects my video cam to my computer so that I can play the video tapes and copy them directly to a DVD-R. It also has a jack for VHS players, so I was able to copy my old VHS tapes of dh with the kids when they were little to DVD's via the computer. I don't need to run the VHS through the TV, it runs through the computer and plays on the monitor. It's taking forever to transfer all the VHS and Camcorder tapes, because it's so happy/sad that it's emotionally draining, but I hope to get it done by next year.
Thank you all for your replies and most of all, your understanding. I never thought about just putting the phone in the closet where I could bring it out and listen to it, if I ever want to. I hadn't even thought about that simple solution! That's why I turned to y'all.
Your friendship, love and support is what gets me through each day. I truly mean that.
My husband passed 6 week ago. While he was still able to talk and get around somewhat, he was out with our son for lunch. When he would call me it would always start out "Hey Jude". I have kept his last message on the machine from that day he was out. Everyone in awhile I hit it just to hear his voice. I know I will delete it someday, but not yet.
Jude, I just had to go into my saved messages today and the very first one is my hubby singing happy birthday to me some years ago. I knew it was going to play but as soon as I heard the first word, I pushed the "save" button again so it will still be there. Just hearing that one word sounded so good to me. It was so nice to hear the sound of his voice even for a split second.
Yes, save your call. Listen to it when you feel like it and try and be happy you still have a little piece of him.
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