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Today is the wedding anniversary of my father and stepmother, my stepmother who passed away almost 2 months ago.
I've been teetering between grieving and a happy face, but have been doing better. Today I got to thinking, it would be nice for all of us to share the positive experiences that have come after the death of someone we love. Not that anyone ever rejoices in death obviously, but I'm sure there are lessons we have all taken away in our hearts.
My stepmother:
-Inspired me even though she was 99% certain she wouldn't live a whole year after her diagnosis. She smiled until the end, and taught us to "only allow 15 minutes of self pity a day"
-"It's just a car" AKA material things are just that, material things
-Brought me closer to my father, as I am a huge level of support now
Obviously I want her back, and would give anything, but I think it's just as fair that we celebrate what they have left behind for us. Look forward to seeing what you all have learned.
Today is the wedding anniversary of my father and stepmother, my stepmother who passed away almost 2 months ago.
I've been teetering between grieving and a happy face, but have been doing better. Today I got to thinking, it would be nice for all of us to share the positive experiences that have come after the death of someone we love. Not that anyone ever rejoices in death obviously, but I'm sure there are lessons we have all taken away in our hearts.
My stepmother:
-Inspired me even though she was 99% certain she wouldn't live a whole year after her diagnosis. She smiled until the end, and taught us to "only allow 15 minutes of self pity a day"
-"It's just a car" AKA material things are just that, material things
-Brought me closer to my father, as I am a huge level of support now
Obviously I want her back, and would give anything, but I think it's just as fair that we celebrate what they have left behind for us. Look forward to seeing what you all have learned.
No doubt a very important day of remembrance and celebration for you both!
Life is something that can't be taken for granted, or squandered on the destructive.
Life is a precious gift. Don't waste a moment.
Life is a series of choices;choose carefully/wisely.
Anger is acid to the soul.
Imw36...Thanks for starting this thread. I'm sorry you lost your stepmother. I admire you for focusing on all you learned from her...I'll come back and write about my loved ones and all they taught me too! Just wanted to thank you for starting this thread!
I'm in a grief group at church. One member there said she marked the one year anniversary of her husband's passing as "just being another day." She said that outlook helped her get through her day.
I understand this.
But still, when I live through the anniversary date of someone I know who has passed on, I do something special on that day as a rememberance. It may be a five minute thought, a glance out the window, play a song that the person liked, or look at a photograph.
For me, I try very hard to rember the person whho died in a possitive light. Something that that person said to me, or did, in life.
And it doesn't have to be a big accomplishment either. A smile, a facial expression, a card sent. And the least little thing now is a remembrance. I walk by a certaiin tree and think, "I took so-and -so in a wheelchair by here two years agao" and she'd be happy to see it now."
When my heart is heavy with grief, these are the things I think about that the death of a person will remind me of and bring me a little joy in recallin gthe life of that person. Also, I think of their last words or deeds. Once, a young girl didn't knnow she'd die. She made extra Valentine's Day cards and passed them out and hugged each of us. She died ten days later when she slipped and fell on ice. I often think of how she was wise to be so kind and generous.
I have lost my mom, grandma, two grandfathers, and a aunt that I was close to and the only thing I have learned from it is I do not want to die and will do all I can to live as long as I can.
I learned how brave a man my husband really was. He didn't take the easy way out although he had a gun and all sorts of pills.
I learned that God really does hear our prayers and will not push us past what we can endure. Really.
I'm learning that life alone isn't as scarey as I imagined except when I need muscle power and that I can use my brain to someway overcome that need myself sometimes.
Death taught me:
- to live in the moment
- don't sweat the small stuff
- who really stands by me during the tough times
- who is capable of taking advantage of me when the chips are down (i.e. with the estate)
- family isn't the end all of life; sometimes friends are just as or more important than blood
- that it's okay to spend time on me and my goals vs taking care of everyone else 24/7
- that I'm much stronger than I ever realized because I made it through the mourning and I'm still standing (I credit my two dogs and the best friends I could ever ask for on the planet for that)
On a more practical side, it has taught me:
- put my money in the bank to pass down when I'm gone because passing down items in your home can be stolen by family before they can make it to the intended recipient (or pass them down when you're still alive so they make it into the hands you intended)
- during retirement, live a decent distance to a reputable hospital
- live in a ranch home because steps are brutal as you age (something I already know, but was reminded of)
- continue to keep a clutter-free home (not that I have a problem in that area) because someone will be tasked with cleaning all of that out when I'm gone
- as you age, try to live in a town with mild climate because not being able to get medical care due to a snow storm could mean life or death
- oh, and put money aside to pay for my own funeral expenses so I'm not a financial burden on loved ones (this didn't happen in any of my recent family loses, but it happened to my ex-fiance - it's a hard lesson to learn)
AND ABOVE ALL, LAUGH BECAUSE LIFE IS TOO SHORT.
Last edited by SunnyTXsmile; 10-25-2012 at 02:16 PM..
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