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I think NYC said it best: . "But I'd rather be missing him than have him still around suffering a life so much less than what he deserved".
Condolences to all who have posted about their beloved ones who've passed. Its hard to let go, but we must....for them. My hardest was a 26 year old nephew who took his own life. I wish he hadn't of course, but I knew he took all he could. I believe when you get to that point, you're mentally ill. I only wish he'd have seen a light at the end of the tunnel, but I've never felt anger towards him.
I agree with bree--condolences to all who shared their losses here.
There is much wisdom in this thread. The mortality rate is 100%--life is fatal. Natural death should be accessible to everyone who desires. In the future, massive, fruitless medical intervention is going to happen less and less because we can't afford it.
I think people don't live forever. He was ready to go, and just did not want to do the hard work neede to go on. Don't be mad at him, he was ready to move forward. Let it go.
I think people don't live forever. He was ready to go, and just did not want to do the hard work neede to go on. Don't be mad at him, he was ready to move forward. Let it go.
I agree...I had to stand back and let my younger son "go" even though he had barely turned 40...The poor guy! He had 2 cancerous brain tumors and 2 risky surgeries all within 6 months...The tumors caused all kinds of damage and complications and the tumors kept coming back. (Despite all of his chemo and radiation treatments and his positive attitude, etc.)...Anyone can get "worn-out." (At any age.)...I miss my son like crazy. But I'm sure glad he's not laying in a hospital bed right now suffering and suffering. (Waiting for the next tumor to "strike" and take its toll on him.)
I honestly have mixed feelings about some of this. But when life is such a burden that it can be barely borne, the living and the dying must let go. I do know of a case where a family member had more or less "given up" and when this person had some severe pain, the family did NOT call 911 or seek medical attention. This person died in pain in the night of a ruptured artery. I was shocked at this. To me, 911 should have been called, no matter whether the person wished it or not. Prior to this, I think a mood altering drug could have prescribed, which might have made life more tolerable for the person.
But I don't know what the right answers are in these sorts of situations. It is possible that a hospital stay might have prolonged the dying, with no real possibility of a fix. But this person was physically OK, not in pain or compromised mobility, and really was not that old. It just seemed to me that the family should have acted.
I am thinking that when an elder "gives up" the family needs to ask themselves if something can be done, because sometimes something can. I also know that sometimes people just need to die. And I have experienced personally the guilty relief you feel when someone who has fought the good fight, and who has suffered, dies.
To the OP: you didn't tell us the age of your grandparent. If he was only in his seventies, then I understand that you might feel that he had another decade to go. But if he was in his late eighties or early nineties, then you need to understand that he had a really good run. Many men die much earlier. Remember this though, when you have to go through this again, because if you live long enough you will have to. Decide how you feel about end of life issues now, even though you might need to change your mind later.
It really hurt me when my mother died last year, but her quality of life was as bad as it gets most of her last year of life. That was a painful thing to watch my mother suffer and go down like she did. And even though it hurt to see her go, it hurt even worst to see her suffer. You don't want to see anyone you know and love suffer and we shouldn't want to keep them here suffering just so we can avoid the whole process. Sound like you really loved your grandfather and he will always live in your heart and memories.
You need to think about whether or not you want to see your loved ones watch you go downhill. Do you really want to them have to feed you, dress you, yes, and wipe your behind? I would rather not have them witness what can be a long, horrible experience.
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