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We lost my mother-in-law nearly two years ago (the anniversary of her death is coming up soon) and are now living in her home. There are so many happy memories there and I feel her presence there, which is wonderful as she and I were very, very close. However.....lately, I feel like, well, I'm not sure what I feel like. I fight depression on a daily basis. I have to turn on my "happy self" when I'm at home because my husband doesn't believe in depression (a whole other thread) so discussing it with him is really not an option. I wonder if I'm losing my grip some days. I miss Mom every day that it hurts but, at the same time, I have so much to be happy about. I'm going to be a grandmother for the first time in 3 months; I have a wonderful, faithful husband who loves me dearly; I have two great, grown, kids; I work; and I volunteer in a very rewarding program so what's to be depressed about? I don't think being in Mom's home is what is bringing me down per se' but, I do wonder if that is part of it. Could it be? Part of it is the fact that my daughter will be moving out of state soon and I'm having a hard time dealing with that. I've never battled these kinds of depressing feelings before. One thing I feel I must clarify is that I would never take my own life. I have presence of mind to know how that would effect my family so that is not an option for me. I don't condone nor criticize that action as I only walk in my own shoes and live in my own world. I want to be out of this funk but I just don't know how to pull myself up. I suppose this is my reason for turning to this forum for advice. Thanks.
I lost both of my parents in my 20s, and I was the same way. Every year when the anniversary of their deaths roll around I would be in such a bad place.
I think up until just 3 years ago. It took me being totally happy in my own life. Now I think of the happy memories and I can smile.
I think of the hard times too, but they don't bring me down like they used to. I lived in my moms house too, and slept in her bedroom.
I lost both of my parents in my 20s, and I was the same way. Every year when the anniversary of their deaths roll around I would be in such a bad place.
I think up until just 3 years ago. It took me being totally happy in my own life. Now I think of the happy memories and I can smile.
I think of the hard times too, but they don't bring me down like they used to. I lived in my moms house too, and slept in her bedroom.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Pikantari! By the Grace of God, I still have all four of my parents and I'm so blessed. My dad and step-mom live in another state and I don't get to see them as often as I'd like but my mom and step-dad are actually moving from that same state to live next door to me next week. Losing MIL was the closest I've come so far to losing my own parent and, even though it is a fact of life, it's the closest I want to come.
Part of my guilt feelings are in that I don't want my mother to feel slighted in any way by my feelings for my mother-in-law. She says she knows how close Mom and I were and she understands, which I know she does. I don't hide my grief from my mom but I don't want to go overboard either. (I sure hope that all makes sense!)
There were so many good times with MIL that I think of them often and, yes, they do make me smile and even laugh at times. When I married my husband, I brought two children from my first marriage into the family. From day one, they were her "grandchildren" and were never called nor considered her "step-grandchildren". For that, I will always be grateful! My son and daughter-in-law are expecting their first child soon and it hurts so much that MIL will not be here for the birth of her first great-grandchild. I know she will be here in spirit and that helps some. It also helps some knowing that shortly after such a sad anniversary there will again be joy in our world in the form of our first grandchild.
I feel like I'm rambling at this point so I'll just say this; Pikantari, thank you for your reply to my post and for reminding me of what I really already knew; in time, the good memories will overcome the bad memory of the loss.
Hey missesthebeaches, I don't really know what to say except sorry for your loss. I've had many deaths for someone my age and I've been in a big funk myself, so I don't really have any advice for you. I've just tried to focus on things that typically make me happy, which usually works for awhile but then the sad feelings come back. Hugs and sorry for your loss.
You might want to schedule a checkup with your doctor. I don't know your age, but, could this be a change in your hormonal balance?
Also, I had a dear friend who went through something similar later in life ( at 58) and it turned out to be a chemical imbalance. I think the chemical imbalance was brought on by long term use of one of her medications. Because she had no problems with the medication in the past she did not connect the depression to the medication. It was only after she finally mentioned it to her doctor that some tests were run and the chemical imbalance was identified. It was easily corrected - but, she always said she had wished she had mentioned it to the doctor a lot sooner.
I am always amazed how our emotions can directly impact our physical health and how our physical health can impact our emotional well being.
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empathy
