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Oh, cyn, it has been such a short while for you. Stop thinking you should feel and act "normal". There is no "normal" ever again. There is close but not really. The "fog" will lift some day but it may take years sometimes. I think you put too much pressure on yourself. Just let yourself "be". Be sad, angry, happy whatever. Be aware that being on a rollercoaster of emotions is something that occurres with most everyone who loved their spouse. For 5 months all I did was eat to stay alive, drink copious amounts of alcohol to drown my pain, cry,scream and talk with people here. It got better but it wasn't until this year, 3 years after, that I am being able to say I am recovered for the most part. I no longer "have to do it all over again" each day, I wake up and am happy to do so.
The weather indeed doesn't help. We had a day that went above freezing and the sun was out 2 days ago...I felt so good! I'm sure you have heard about our weather here in Massachusetts this month. It has been quite depressing to say the least. Saturday was a "mental health" day.
"One day at a time". Good advice for everything. Don't try and rush anything. Let the emotions ebb and wane. You are doing great. You are getting stronger. You will come out at the end just fine. (((Hugs)))
It's snowing! Oh well I suppose it does do that sometimes. Not sure if I mentioned my neighbors old old horse died the other day--just to cold for her old bones. That broke my heart. I sat with her for a long time and pet her....I think that set me back a step or two. I've just had to much death and like smilin'....a body can only take so much. So now I have to make up those 3 steps I took backwards..and once again trudge forward.
If you stay in NC.....at some point you might think about getting a kitten or puppy ..... you have been surrounded with death and dying.....so perhaps a baby critter would be a good change. Not that you need any more responsibility...and also you don't need any more anchors that limit your freedom of movement. Maybe not such a good idea.
As much as I feel my life should always involve critters that also does limit my freedom. I am very lucky to have my neighbors that will at least take care of them for short times if I do want to go see my kids or grand children in CA. Amber is going to buy the tickets for me to go there but now isn't a good time.....Now I need to concentrate on selling everything I can and get a little money put away hopefully! I am also still considering going to school for that CNA degree. I need some kind of backup. Now if the old brains will still work I'll be okay.
As much as I feel my life should always involve critters that also does limit my freedom. I am very lucky to have my neighbors that will at least take care of them for short times if I do want to go see my kids or grand children in CA. Amber is going to buy the tickets for me to go there but now isn't a good time.....Now I need to concentrate on selling everything I can and get a little money put away hopefully! I am also still considering going to school for that CNA degree. I need some kind of backup. Now if the old brains will still work I'll be okay.
Oh Cyn, for sure those "old brains" will work just fine, they're doing a good job now! And when you get to the point where you maybe decide to go back to school, it'll be a welcome change for you- new horizons, new goals to meet, new people. And maybe you'd even be surprised, maybe not, at the number of people in those classes who are there for just the same reasons you are.
Oh Cyn, for sure those "old brains" will work just fine, they're doing a good job now! And when you get to the point where you maybe decide to go back to school, it'll be a welcome change for you- new horizons, new goals to meet, new people. And maybe you'd even be surprised, maybe not, at the number of people in those classes who are there for just the same reasons you are.
We all will become dirt at some point in our lives. Life is just that, we do not live to grief and mourn too much that our soul no longer feel life. Let it be known that we control our lives, our actions, our words, our emotions, our moods, and it is in the act of our doing that will help answer many things. Loneliness will fade when our brains are busy concentrate on certain goals we want to accomplish. You already have many goals, go and achieve them.
As a very recent widow (12/25/14), I found what ameridreamNOT posted as comforting and encouraging, not at all insensitive, especially this part:
" we do not live to grief and mourn too much that our soul no longer feel life."
This is what my beloved late husband believed also.
I find your remark to be more out of line than ameridreamNot's.
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