Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Grief definitely involves sadness, pain and suffering. Some anger at times too...My emotions have run the gamut since my husband and sons and other family members passed-away.. But all in all, I've still tried to find ways (and reasons) to be happy despite everything.. I don't want to suffer non-stop. Or torture or punish myself...Nobody in my family wanted to suffer and suffer. (Even when they were seriously ill and near death.) Suffering just wasn't the norm in my family and this helps me today...I cry when I need to and let my emotions come out so I won't get bottled-up. Then, I look for reasons to be positive and happy "just because!" (Because I know I still deserve to be happy even though everyone else is "gone" now.) This is how I feel anyway.
Odd that you should mention this now. I've felt really, really angry for the last couple of days. I don't know where I found the energy. I'm tired of trying to find reasons to be happy. I haven't given up, but I'm pretty tired.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,598,384 times
Reputation: 8045
I get so tired at times of trying to "up" in public. There's the private me, who bursts out crying over the smallest things, and sometimes doesn't eat, doesn't feel like taking a shower or getting dressed; and then there's the public me who is on the Board of Directors and has to smile and be happy when running into neighbors or leading Book Club. Sometimes it makes me feel schizophrenic.
I've been reading "The Snow Child" by Eowyn Ivey for Book Club, and I loved the story as it was happy, but for some reason, when the child leaves one Spring, I just burst out crying, racked with sobs and I honestly couldn't say why. I just did. This was Wednesday, and I've been having these unexpected "sob attacks" for two days, now, and I have no idea why....pent up grief that I held in for so long, maybe? I don't know, but my head aches, my eyes hurt and burn, I'm nauseated, not hungry and having trouble sleeping because I just burst out sobbing....it's baffling why now, why so suddenly, from a simple passage in a book....
Grief definitely involves sadness, pain and suffering. Some anger at times too...My emotions have run the gamut since my husband and sons and other family members passed-away.. But all in all, I've still tried to find ways (and reasons) to be happy despite everything..
I know its hard......... This world has gotton so miserable its hard to be happy,especially when things like this happen....
I know its hard......... This world has gotton so miserable its hard to be happy,especially when things like this happen....
I am sorry your going thru this
Thanks...As a mom, I tried to help my sons work through their set-backs and disappointments in life. I didn't try to talk them out of their feelings right off the bat...But, if their moping and self-pity seemed to continue on forever, I asked them to (please) "work" to get past it a little bit. (Out of consideration for me and the people around them. And, for their own "good" and peace of mind too.)...I know that it's up to me to push (or pull) myself out of my "funks."...I don't want my sons to view me as a hypocrite because I created special rules for myself...I don't want them to say: "Mom you didn't walk your talk" when we're reunited in the afterlife...I want them to feel proud of me and I want to feel proud of myself. So, I don't "stay down" for long. I look for reasons to be happy "just because." And, this always makes me feel "good!"
Thanks...When I met my husband-to-be in 1982, he had just stepped out of a 20 (plus) year marriage. His wife was the one who wanted the divorce. (She had a couple of affairs at the end.)...My husband wasn't "drowning" in self-pity when I met him. Or spending his days feeling sorry for himself....Naturally, he had to deal with some anger and hurt and sadness right at first. But, he really wanted to "heal" and go on to be happy again. (On his own.) And, he made it happen! I sure admired him...We were "just friends" for 2 years. Then, we fell in love and decided to get married...He was always "Mr. Positive!" Even when he was dying!..He made his last day on earth pleasant for himself. And, as pleasant as possible for me and my son. Wow! He was my hero!
Friends have told me: "Your family wouldn't want you to suffer." But, it always "bounced" right off of me until I got to the point where I didn't want to suffer anymore. (On my own.)...Naturally, I was sad and shocked and "lost" when all of my family members started dying. (One-by-one and all in a row.) It's taken me time to catch my breath and process all of it...I was numb for a long time. But little by little, I'm coming back to life. And, I really don't want to suffer and suffer. Or, sentence myself to a life of misery...I know I still have grieving left to do. But, I'm on a path to being happier again too. All on my own!...I know my loved ones won't feel bad or sad or neglected if I go on to be happy without them. They will be proud of me!...And the truth is, I know they are always with me "in-spirit." (Cheering me on! Rooting for me! Showering me with love from "beyond!")
Odd that you should mention this now. I've felt really, really angry for the last couple of days. I don't know where I found the energy. I'm tired of trying to find reasons to be happy. I haven't given up, but I'm pretty tired.
You shouldn't have to fake being happy.
No one is obligated to perform "happiness" for family, friends, or the public.
I would suggest evaluating how you feel about life. On a deep mental, emotional, spiritual level (whatever you believe or don't believe).
I've lost some loved ones. I know the pain.
However, I also know that a fundamental fact about life on this earth is that everything and everyone dies. The death of my loved ones was just a natural part of life.
I could focus on the loss or...I can celebrate the gift and the blessing that I had for all of those years that I had them in my life.
Who I am today and the life I live today is better because I had those people in my life. Therefore, life (while not perfect) is good. There is no need to suffer everyday or pretend.
There are things to be happy about. Why not share with some other people some of the love, joy, and knowledge that your loved ones gave to you. It's the circle of life. Pass on what was given to you.
I get so tired at times of trying to "up" in public. There's the private me, who bursts out crying over the smallest things, and sometimes doesn't eat, doesn't feel like taking a shower or getting dressed; and then there's the public me who is on the Board of Directors and has to smile and be happy when running into neighbors or leading Book Club. Sometimes it makes me feel schizophrenic.
I've been reading "The Snow Child" by Eowyn Ivey for Book Club, and I loved the story as it was happy, but for some reason, when the child leaves one Spring, I just burst out crying, racked with sobs and I honestly couldn't say why. I just did. This was Wednesday, and I've been having these unexpected "sob attacks" for two days, now, and I have no idea why....pent up grief that I held in for so long, maybe? I don't know, but my head aches, my eyes hurt and burn, I'm nauseated, not hungry and having trouble sleeping because I just burst out sobbing....it's baffling why now, why so suddenly, from a simple passage in a book....
I go through crying spurts at times too...There's no telling what might make me cry...I just view it as part of the grieving process. And, I cry when need be. I let my tears flow and feel all of my feelings in the moment...I want to "heal." Don't want to hold anything back...I just don't want to remain in a state of suffering or pain or anger 24/7...I welcome "relief" and a little joy and even playfulness in between all of my tears and sadness...I try to find some balance. Even if I have to play "stand-up comic" all by myself. Or, dance around and get silly with my cat Gracie.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
