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I'm hoping someone can give me perspective here...I'm in a bit of a fog.
A close friend passed away suddenly over the weekend. The cause isn't understood and we are waiting on an autopsy. This is obviously so difficult for the spouse, children, family, close friends...everyone. The family belongs to a very large church and I assumed a hospitality group from there would take care of the reception following the service. However, I received a text asking me to help with the reception and how much dip do I think will be needed? The person who sent it also is a good friend and I am shocked she is doing this. We should be contemplating and celebrating the life of a friend, not deciding how many little sandwiches are needed. This is what hospitality groups are for, and I don't attend this church, but I know they have a small army of people who do stuff like this.
I told my friend I would, of course, do whatever is needed. However, I also told her how I feel about taking care of this reception and I am sure I have offended her. Feelings with everyone are very sensitive at the moment.
Am I wrong? I am usually a very practical and level headed person, but at the moment, I am not sure I am thinking straight. To the observer, I probably look fine, but I am making silly mistakes, not able to complete basic tasks properly and I think this must be shock.
I think your friend is grieving and feels she needs to do something helpful. Some people seek out activity or work as a way to cope with grief. It can almost be a manic pace...cleaning, cooking, yard work, whatever.
I think your friend is grieving and feels she needs to do something helpful. Some people seek out activity or work as a way to cope with grief. It can almost be a manic pace...cleaning, cooking, yard work, whatever.
I do understand this. I did connect with my friend and she has stepped forward because no one else has. She is also overwhelmed. Of course I will help her. She is my friend as is the one who passed.
I'm sure you did offend the woman. I think you should call and apologize to her. I also think you should help her with the reception.
Didn't I just say I was going to help her in both of my posts above? I have talked to her and I did not offend her at all, as it turns out. I never told her I wouldn't help. I told her we should both be in the service for our friend and not cutting up grapes in the reception hall. She is just as overwhelmed as I am by all of this. We will work it out together. There will be several hundred people there and we have but a very short time to sort this out. Thanks for you kind concern. I just lost one of my best friends.
Didn't I just say I was going to help her in both of my posts above? I have talked to her and I did not offend her at all, as it turns out. I never told her I wouldn't help. I told her we should both be in the service for our friend and not cutting up grapes in the reception hall. She is just as overwhelmed as I am by all of this. We will work it out together. There will be several hundred people there and we have but a very short time to sort this out. Thanks for you kind concern. I just lost one of my best friends.
I didn't see your second post because we were typing at the same time. Yes, I can see what you wrote now. You still don't sound like you want to be too helpful for the woman. Sounds like you want to be out with the crowds so people can see you, not helping behind the scenes helping the other friend do what to her is honoring your mutual friend by giving comfort food to the others.
I didn't see your second post because we were typing at the same time. Yes, I can see what you wrote now. You still don't sound like you want to be too helpful for the woman. Sounds like you want to be out with the crowds so people can see you, not helping behind the scenes helping the other friend do what to her is honoring your mutual friend by giving comfort food to the others.
Just my take and you did ask for opinions.
Yes, I did ask for opinions and wow have you misjudged me! I am an extremely behind the scenes worker bee. Seen by crowds of people? My goodness, no. Not at all. If I wasn't so sad about my friend I would be hooting with laughter.
I will say for the third time that I will do whatever it takes to provide help to my friend. I have been on the phone all afternoon. I cleared my work schedule for the week. I have learned since my first post here today that the deceased's church of several thousand people doesn't have a care hospitality team after all, so it has been left to the friends and we shall indeed honor in this way. I wish I did not start this thread. Really, my only point, and a very poorly stated one at that, was surprise that the church (of which my deceased friend was in leadership) doesn't have a care team to help with this.
tamiznluv, I have a feeling even this last effort to explain myself will be misunderstood. I'm sorry I am so bad with words today , but please don't return to tell me I sound like a selfish, unhelpful person.
I'm SO SO sorry you've lost your best friend. I just can't imagine the pain you're going through. So many people think about the family and don't think so much about a close friendship and how devastating it is to lose someone so dear as a best friend.
First of all, tactfully get in touch with your deceased friend's family. Tell them that there will be many people at the funeral and if someone offers food or asks what they can do to help, tell them to give you or your friend's number so you can delegate what they can bring. Also, someone should get in touch with the church hall to see what the ladies there have planned. They might already have started the ball rolling.
Anyways, don't sweat the small stuff. People aren't going to starve or be upset if they didn't get 2 halves of egg salad sandwiches, 2 halves of ham and cheese, a cup of coffee, and some assorted deserts. If anyone DOES get offended, then they aren't truly there to support the family and close friends. They are there for a visit and some snacks. So pfft! who cares!
Again, I'm so sorry and hope you keep your precious memories of your friend close to your heart to get through this difficult time.
Bless your heart! You're definitely in shock, and so is your friend, and this is all absolutely normal. No one is offended. Everyone will come together and grieve, and you will all help hold each other up. This is a terrible time; give yourself some extra room, time, and only do what you feel you can. No one who loved your friend like you did is going to be "normal" for quite a while. Forget about what other people think. You just do what feels right to you. I can sense that you're a very genuine person, and that this is very traumatic. Take care of yourself. You are doing the very best you can -- you reached out and asked for help, and that's an early sign of recovery. I'm very, very sorry for your sudden loss. Just know that it is normal to feel as though you're in a fog and uncertain about what to do. You're human. God bless you.
Cdarocks, thank you for your last post. I can see now that you are just in shock and confused. My sympathy for your dear friends loss. Like the person from Canada said, don't sweat the small stuff. If "refreshments" is all someone takes away from your friends' funeral, they are not worth the effort.
My father and I were so lacking in the "how to" of funerals, we never even thought to put on "a spread" after my mothers funeral. A friend of hers announced after that people were welcomed to her house. My father and I didn't even go. We felt no need. We were satisfied with the hugs at the gravesite. I didn't do the "snacks" after his funeral either. Or my husband. I doubt any of them cared. I still don't.
Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
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, but please don't return to tell me I sound like a selfish, unhelpful person.
