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I work with families (Social Services), and I as many others I'm sure have seen fights break out as to "who gets what" after a parent/grandparent/other dies.
After my grandmother died, and even many years later when my Dad died, my family did go through their belongings and it was more of "Do you want this...?" Who wants this...?" It was all peaceful. What I'm getting at is that we were all each upset, but not about "who got what"...Yes, we each got their belongings, but in our own way, we don't want them. We just want the person back!
It is very sad when family argues over things. It seems to be a way of acting out in some instances. And a way of projecting unresolved issues and painful family dynamics.
Ugh...the entire process with my grandparents trust got held up because my aunt is paranoid. She thought me and my siblings would cut our cousin out of what she was due which is insane because we wouldn't do that. Her interference held everything up and made it more expensive overall.
Though I was quite young at the time, I still remember the scene, fiasco, at my great aunt Edith's house after she died. She was in her 90s when she passed and had little money left, but she had been rather wealthy. She married well, lived in a lovely old Victorian, had traveled extensively and liked nice things. Her possession were obviously worth a lot of money.
One branch of the family--not sure if they were dad's cousins or nieces, nephews--showed up with spouses, children and a truck. There must have been a team meeting before the attack, because they marched in and started moving furniture, rolling up rugs and carrying out hand blown glass lamps, antique clocks. My father explained all of this to me later. I remember being told to get off of the rug and step out of the way when furniture when being moved. I also remember my father raising his voice. That didn't happen often. He wanted one of the four barrister bookcases and he had to argue to get it. He told me that I could choose one small thing as a remembrance. Everything that I chose was snatched from my hands (literally) by those people.
She was a nice woman and I liked her. While my father visited more often, he would take me to her house three or four times a year. She'd give me some toys to play with--they were probably antiques!--some cookies and milk, ask how I was doing in school. I'd ask her about the cuckoo clock and the weird plumbing. I'd love to talk with her now.
I work with families (Social Services), and I as many others I'm sure have seen fights break out as to "who gets what" after a parent/grandparent/other dies.
After my grandmother died, and even many years later when my Dad died, my family did go through their belongings and it was more of "Do you want this...?" Who wants this...?" It was all peaceful. What I'm getting at is that we were all each upset, but not about "who got what"...Yes, we each got their belongings, but in our own way, we don't want them. We just want the person back!
When my Mom died, I didn't take part in the divying up of things. I felt that what she herself gave me personally meant more to me that what I could take. The items were not my Mom or my Mom's love. I didn't need them.
I also remind myself that the bible says not to worship idolitries, and only to worship God. Some people seem to worship these things they inherit.
Sad to say, I see it everyday. I work in the estate planning and probate field. When we get a new case in which every agrees, it is so refreshing. For the most part, there are always issues from money to possessions. Even when everything is spelled out, people want to fight.
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