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So often in the aftermath of losing a loved one, it is easy to dwell on the sadness. We are grieving, and it can consume us.
I thought it would be a nice break to share our special moments during the illness or loss that we hold dear to us.
Here's mine:
When my mother was in the emergency room, our family was in the private room designated for these occasions. I had to go to the bathroom and excused myself. However, when I returned, the room was empty. Everyone was gone- Dad, sisters, nieces and nephews. I had no idea what was going on. Somewhat humiliated, I went to the front desk to inquire where everyone had gone. They told me Mom was being taken to intensive care and my family had gone to her new room without me. I felt left behind, forgotten, and unimportant. At that moment, the ER doors opened and a hospital bed was pushed through. It was my MOM!! The nurses told me to come with them. While my sisters had left me behind, I got to ride with my Mom in the elevator to her room Although she was unconscious, I still felt like there she was, watching out for me. It was beautiful.
I love that memory. It brings tears to my eyes.
So, do you have a special memory? I'd love to read it.
I don't really have a special memory. It is just the last time I saw my Dad. He had multiple myeloma, which is a form of cancer with really no known cure. He had gone down from 180 lbs. to 80 in about 15 months. I barely recognized him and he was not really responsive to me anymore. Anyway, for the past 3 years I always came over and did all the chores like cutting the grass, repairs, etc. Well, this last time he had not talked in about a week. I was telling him I was leaving and would see him again the following weekend. As I was leaving I heard him say, " you do good work". I know it isn't much but it really made me stop and think about how much he appreciated all I did. Those were the last words he ever spoke to me. He died on August 20th of this year and I miss him dearly.
I am sorry you lost your father. But isn't great to have that memory?
It is nice to reflect on. I am glad you shared your story as well. Sometimes the grieving overtakes the special times we had with the one who has passed.
On a side note, I found my father had written short stories and poems that nobody knew about. He was very private and reading some of that stuff made me realize how deep his feelings were about life. One short story in particular talked about his days as a child back in the 40's. Very special stuff.
When my husband was in the hospital dying--it took me a few days to figure that out--my son and I went out to eat a late lunch or dinner at a different restaurant every day. I insisted that we had at least one solid meal a day. This was in Philadelphia, so it was some damn good food. Deciding where and what we were going to eat was a nice diversion. We had some memorable conversations during those meals.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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We adopted a newborn about three weeks before my dad got sick. When he went into the hospital, we came to visit every day and brought the baby but he was in and out of consciousness, and not usually aware we were there. On his last semi-conscious day, we were at his bedside and I was holding the baby. We didn't think he couldn't hear us as he'd been mostly non-responsive. The baby started to cry and my dad's eyes flew open. He started grasping at the air, reaching for something, then his hand found the baby's hand and he gently rubbed it. The baby stopped crying, my dad weakly smiled, and then drifted off again. That was his last conscious moment. A few hours later, at 1:00 a.m., we got the call from his doctor that he had died. Andrew is 25 now, but, he says, for some unknown reason he feels my dad is with him.
For my grandma Id say when I went to see her in the hospital, right after she found out she had cancer. We talked as if she was going to be ok and we would go back to "normal". We talked about my upcoming birthday and the old christmas nativity scene. We talked how wed go out to eat and even the nurse joked in on it.
Then when I went to see her in hospice and I felt like a doodle! She had a bed alarm on and I SHOULD have asked to have them turn it off! I wanted to lay with her SO badly!! Like a mom does for a child scared. She wasnt in her right mind that night and she wasnt making sense. I wanted to read to her, she loved to read. I was reading the Life Of Henrietta Lacks. I showed her a necklace and bracelet I made her. I promised Id be back. I didnt come back. She wasnt the same. She wasnt standing at the top of the stairs hugging me anymore. She wasnt sitting in her robe at the table at breakfast anymore. (and dang it now im crying)
I was called by the hospice social worker on April 1 that I had to come "NOW". I had been planning on going to live at my mom's on April 11. It takes me 8 hours to drive to where my mom lived so I started out on the morning of the 2nd. I arrived in the afternoon. My mom had been sleeping but when I walked into her bedroom she woke up and grabbed me and said "Jodi I love you and I am so glad you are here" I crawled into bed with her and rubbed her back. We talked about simple things but mostly about how much we loved each other. I will cherish that memory for as long as I live. She passed away one week after I got to her house. I am so privileged to have been able to care for her that last week of her life.
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She wasnt the same. She wasnt standing at the top of the stairs hugging me anymore. She wasnt sitting in her robe at the table at breakfast anymore. (and dang it now im crying)
