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OP, I don't think most people live in fear of anyone dying. I think most people just go about life living it. Only when the first death of someone's parent, spouse, child happens do most people even think about death happening. I'm sorry you have such a phobia.
Tami...I agree with what you wrote. My Mom's death was a big shocker and "wake-up call" for me...I thought my Mom would be around for a long time. She was active and perky and seemed to be in good health. Then, she had a massive heart attack and died instantly when she was 72. Just out of the "blue."...I learned the "hard way" that death can come at any time. (Expected or not.)...My older son died unexpectedly too. All of the deaths in my family taught me that there are no "for sures" in this life...I'm just glad that I believe in an "afterlife." My faith helps me cope with all of my losses.
Tami...I agree with what you wrote. My Mom's death was a big shocker and "wake-up call" for me...I thought my Mom would be around for a long time. She was active and perky and seemed to be in good health. Then, she had a massive heart attack and died instantly when she was 72. Just out of the "blue."...I learned the "hard way" that death can come at any time. (Expected or not.)...My older son died unexpectedly too. All of the deaths in my family taught me that there are no "for sures" in this life...I'm just glad that I believe in an "afterlife." My faith helps me cope with all of my losses.
I agree with you, CA, my faith in "another life" as was promised to us, will be, in actuality, true. I still am not 100% sure I believe in ghosts, I do believe a loved one can come to you in dreams. I think that state is the closest we come to another dimension that our departed loved ones can access.
G GRASSHOPPER - wise words. Dealing with a terminal illness makes us realize that we must live in the moment, find the best in every day (small triumphs, laughter) -- because that moment IS our lives.
I have been on this rollercoaster for several years now and we continue to plan for the future even though we know in our hearts that the future is unknown. Prayer helps me, too -- "give it to God" . . . and enjoy the precious good moments as they come and not dwell on the obstacles or the sadness or the eventual loss.
My parents have been long gone but I accepted it as part of life to bury our parents.
I lost my 18-year-old suddenly and it was a couple of years of hard grieving. However, I made the decision at the beginning that life was going to go on. I did many things that kept my daughter alive in my heart and mind, and her old bedroom still has contains most of her stuff. They bring comfort to me even after all these years. (It is the spare bedroom now, so I don't know how overnighters feel about the photographs of her all around, but that I don't care about that.)
Now, I DO fear anything happening to my husband. If that happens I would have to get out of this house as soon as possible! We can live with our daughter's memory and presence (and, yes, we do feel her presence on in a while) but there is NO way I could stay in this house with both my child and husband gone. I also can't imagine life without him at all.
I fear losing my sister and only sibling. My husband died and I felt - and still feel - lost and floundering. I figure I'll lose my mom at some point, and I'll feel untethered when that happens. But losing my sister would mean losing my anchor. I don't know how I would handle that.
Well, thought I'd revisit this nearly 3 year old thread.
My Dad passed away just under 2 weeks ago. He was sick for 2 years and had been paralyzed for 2 years from the neck down. We had a very good conversation and laugh just 3 days before his passing. He seemed energetic and in good spirits.
Now I'm trying to find ways to cope with the fact that the man I've known since I first opened my eyes is gone. It almost feels unreal, like a bad dream. The pain in my chest is so crippling, it's hard for me to get motivated to do anything.
Last edited by stoneclaw; 08-29-2017 at 12:01 AM..
Stoneclaw, I am so sorry about the loss of your father. It sounds like you were quite close to your Dad, and that can make it even harder. Please have patience with yourself. If you need to just sit and think and grieve, just let that happen. We all have to go through it. Being "unmotivated" is totally understandable and natural. Here I am, 2.5 years after my husband's loss, and even though I am doing fine and mostly functioning, I have noticed that I need more time alone than I used to. I just need to think and remember sometimes. And that's OK. Everyone processes loss differently, and it can be different with different loved ones. (My mom died 2 years before my husband - really a totally different journey.) So in the early days, my advice is to eat well, get sleep, exercise if you can, even if it is just taking walks, and just generally take care of yourself as you grieve. At some point, the intensity will ease up a bit. But we always miss the ones we love.
Maybe my o/p came off as if its something i think about 24/7. I've gotten better with it as I've gotten older and more mature on how to handle my fears. If it's not something that you have a fear of, then great, this is not for you. But there are some that do share a similar fear like I've had and this thread was to help those that do.
But i thank each and every one of you for your viewpoints and I hope to hear more.
No, I'm in your shoes as well and fortunate to have both parents alive but they're aging and the time will come and I dread it. I'm close to them geographically, so I'm witnessing them age - and the things they go through and talk about related to that. So it's pretty much always on my mind when I'll get that call - could be in another decade or next week. I'm just not sure how I'll handle myself and the surviving spouse. Sometimes I feel it's pretty selfish of me because so many have had parents die early in their lives and I should feel fortunate.
EDIT: read rest of thread: Sorry about your loss and thanks for bringing up the thread wish you the best in getting through the grieving process. I know it's trite/cliche' but considering his condition the final two years, he's in a better place.
Stoneclaw, I am so sorry about the loss of your father. It sounds like you were quite close to your Dad, and that can make it even harder. Please have patience with yourself. If you need to just sit and think and grieve, just let that happen. We all have to go through it. Being
Thanks Grasshopper. Throughout the day, I envision my Dad the way he used to sing and dance. Just the joy he brought and I just burst out in to tears. I've lost people and in my family, but losing a parent is a totally different animal. It's almost like trying to run away from a grizzly bear, the grief of the loss keeps coming after you, no matter how far you run or how high you climb.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BucFan
EDIT: read rest of thread: Sorry about your loss and thanks for bringing up the thread wish you the best in getting through the grieving process. I know it's trite/cliche' but considering his condition the final two years, he's in a better place.
Enjoy your moments because you never know which one will be your last. August 13th (Just last month), I was laughing and talking with my Dad and he even started using his hands, which was something he hadn't done since late in 2015 when he first got sick. August 16th, he passed away. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that and probably will for a long time, possibly the rest of my life.
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