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My older brother died this week. He’d been a widower for four years and in a nursing home for nearly a year. I have a list of almost 50 people who were “there for him” - some since his wife died and many more who visited him and took care of him in the nursing home. I want to do something for them. When his daughter-in-law said she’d give me a list, I thought I’d give them all a gift card from one of the local stores. Now, with so many people, I’m not sure. Maybe give the nursing home administrator money to buy pizza or something else for the whole staff. We haven’t faced anything like this before, so I’m at a loss about what to do for them all. Can any of you give me some ideas? Thanks so much.
My older brother died this week. He’d been a widower for four years and in a nursing home for nearly a year. I have a list of almost 50 people who were “there for him” - some since his wife died and many more who visited him and took care of him in the nursing home. I want to do something for them. When his daughter-in-law said she’d give me a list, I thought I’d give them all a gift card from one of the local stores. Now, with so many people, I’m not sure. Maybe give the nursing home administrator money to buy pizza or something else for the whole staff. We haven’t faced anything like this before, so I’m at a loss about what to do for them all. Can any of you give me some ideas? Thanks so much.
I am sorry for your loss.
Handwritten notes are always appreciated.
Perhaps, if you posted this on the caregiver forum they would have more ideas of what would be appropriate for his nursing home staff.
I know you mean well but, in this situation, I would find a gift card to be tacky and offensive. A thank you note is fine. If you want, have a celebration of life party at a family pizzeria and invite everyone to come. It will cost you a few bucks, but it will be a whole lot less expensive than a bunch of gift cards.
After my mom passed, my SIL and her sister baked a bunch of cookies and muffins, and took them to the hospice staff to let them know they were appreciated.
It is okay you posted here, please know this. Don't want to give you the impression it was inappropriate for you to post here.
If it was me, a simple hand written note to say how much you appreciated their friendship and kindness and thoughtful caring way towards your brother. And perhaps order a pizza for the nursing staff, arrange it ahead of time, or boxes of candy or basket of fruit, whatever you feel best.
You just did with your heart felt post. It's quite simple. A word of kindness in writing is like painting the stars with diamonds. There are professional writers who can write you a eulogy of thanks to those who showed up or dared to care about your departed brother.
I was going to ask a similar question. My mom (80) died a couple weeks ago. My dad has received several cards from friends and neighbors. Do I need to send them Thank You Notes??
I was going to ask a similar question. My mom (80) died a couple weeks ago. My dad has received several cards from friends and neighbors. Do I need to send them Thank You Notes??
No. People send cards because they want to express their feelings, because they want you to know that others are thinking about you, because they hope that in a small way, this will be helpful. They don't do it because they want to be thanked, and they do not want their card to impose an obligation of a thank you note. Last summer for the first time in my life, I got a card thanking me for my sympathy card. This was surprising and rather strange to me. I appreciate the thought, but I hope this is not a trend, causing those who grieve to now be saddled during their time of grief with keeping track of all who have sent cards and sending thank yous. A thank you note is in order if someone makes a donation to a memorial fund, assists you with the plans for the funeral, sends you a gift meant to comfort, etc., but not for cards. Of course, you may choose to do this, but it should not be thought of as an obligation.
Thank you Grasshopper. Those were my thoughts too but another family member was going to go buy a pack of thank you notes and I just didn't think it was needed. But I am no spring chicken and I was afraid that times had changed LOL. And the cards are from friends and neighbors that we see regularly.
We also added a line in my Mom's obituary thanking her doctors and hospice nurses.
Sorry for your loss OP. Brothers are special.
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