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For the most part I have only attended the wakes of family members and friends. I do not enjoy the reason for the event, but I am glad to be able to support people I care about, and if it means going to a wake that is okay with me. It's not about what I like or don't like, it's about the survivors.
The last person I saw in a casket was my friend who committed suicide. It looked like her but I saw the marks on her neck from where she hung herself. She also had gashes on her knuckles. No clue where those came from.. But that just always stuck with me. Doesn't matter which viewing I go to but walking in and seeing that open casket up front makes my heart sink.
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Originally Posted by tamiznluv
Me too, melissa. My bff's daughters were so angry at their mother they made sure that horrible thick red rope mark was visible to everyone.
I saw my husband in his hospital bed but never went to see him at the morgue before cremation. I didn't want to see him dead again. I've chosen to remember him alive.
I am very surprised that the funeral director agreed to do the make-up and show the cause of death. I am doubly surprised that the religious leader allowed an open casket if marks from a rope were visible.
Funeral directors are able to do make-up & other techniques that are able to cover most injuries, even severe head and facial injuries from car accidents. It is shocking that they agreed to NOT cover up rope marks.
Even if it was due to religious reasons where no make-up or changes to the body can be made (if there are religions that do that), and in that case it should have been a closed casket funeral or the family could have dressed their loved one in a dress or outfit with a high collar or a neck scarf.
The first funeral I remember attending was for my paternal grandmother. My Dad made my brother and me go up and look at the casket. We were only 9 years old at the time I can't remember what she looked like but I just remember that she didn't look like herself. So weird. We were only 8 years old. Then 10 years later when my Grandpa died my Dad again made us go see his body in the casket. He really did not look like himself. I am like tami and the others I want to remember them how I remember them alive.
I am very surprised that the funeral director agreed to do the make-up and show the cause of death. I am doubly surprised that the religious leader allowed an open casket if marks from a rope were visible.
Funeral directors are able to do make-up & other techniques that are able to cover most injuries, even severe head and facial injuries from car accidents. It is shocking that they agreed to NOT cover up rope marks.
Even if it was due to religious reasons where no make-up or changes to the body can be made (if there are religions that do that), and in that case it should have been a closed casket funeral or the family could have dressed their loved one in a dress or outfit with a high collar or a neck scarf.
She had a blouse with a collar but they were still noticeable. I remember there weren’t many people at her wake. Maybe 20 tops. They didn’t even have friends or family members pallbearers(first and I only time I have ever seen this). I remember the funeral directors were the pallbearers.
For myself, I wouldn't find closure in seeing my loved one laid out in a casket like that. You can't unsee that vision; but some people do find comfort in it. Overall though I don't know why it is still so commonplace today.
I am very surprised that the funeral director agreed to do the make-up and show the cause of death. I am doubly surprised that the religious leader allowed an open casket if marks from a rope were visible.
Funeral directors are able to do make-up & other techniques that are able to cover most injuries, even severe head and facial injuries from car accidents. It is shocking that they agreed to NOT cover up rope marks.
Even if it was due to religious reasons where no make-up or changes to the body can be made (if there are religions that do that), and in that case it should have been a closed casket funeral or the family could have dressed their loved one in a dress or outfit with a high collar or a neck scarf.
No, no religious reasons. She actually didn't look like herself with make-up on. (Neither did my mother) I'm not surprised the funeral director did as the daughters wished...to show what their mother did to herself and them. The family was a long time family of the town. It was very, very gruesome to look at.
No one has to look at a body if it upsets or displeases them.. I never looked at my mother even when others said how lovely and peaceful she looked. I didnt want to see or remember her like that..
You can pay your respects to her family without actually walking up to the casket.
I did this when a co-worker's sister died and I went to the wake to support my co-worker. I signed in, then I sat on the front pew with her and we talked for awhile, but I never approached the casket. I don't think anyone noticed.
I don't like wakes that show the body because I went to the wake of my father when I was 9....they put white gloves on his hands and the vision of those gloved hands haunted me for many years.
I don't like the look of the faces either - they never look like the person
Obviously, everyone else does also..
A former colleague of mine passed away suddenly last week. She was only 44. I liked her and at one point developed a semi-crush on her, but she had a boyfriend. She was a very pretty woman. Anyway, her wake was this evening, and obviously I went. As I proceeded closer to the body, I noticed that she looked almost nothing like the woman I knew - so much bigger and her hands looked bloated! I just blew a kiss and beat it out of there. Yes, I wanted to go and pay my respects, and I did, but in a way, I didn't want to go...I just wanted to remember her as she was (alive and pretty). I can't get that look out of my mind.
It is better to just go to a funeral where the casket isn't open than to a wake!
The last person I saw in a casket was my friend who committed suicide. It looked like her but I saw the marks on her neck from where she hung herself. She also had gashes on her knuckles. No clue where those came from.. But that just always stuck with me. Doesn't matter which viewing I go to but walking in and seeing that open casket up front makes my heart sink.
I've been to too many funerals and at this time of life am now losing my friends. I'm really, really sorry about your friend, Melissa. That sounds beyond horrible.
Being Jewish has its advantages (in name mostly). In the real tradition, you die and you're buried quickly. There is no open casket. It allows you to remember your family and friends as they were not what they became at death.
My partner's mother died three years after we began living together and my mom, of course, came. The casket was open and my mom mumbled, "Barbaric," under her breath. That was the second open casket mom had seen.
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