First Anniversary Alone

[CptnRn]

Originally Posted by G Grasshopper

My husband died in early December. Our anniversary will be in early March, followed shortly by his birthday. I know it is said that we should plan to do something on those days - not just sit at home. Does any one have suggestions or experience on how to get through those times without a major set-back? What did anyone else do that helped them to think of the good times and/or build new memories?

As you know, my wife passed away last April, a week before our birthday, yes we were both born on the same day. Our anniversary was in June. I think it is too soon to expect that you will be able to observe those events thinking mostly of the good times and building new memories. They will be sad.

I suggest you plan to spend those days with the support of family and friends, not dwelling on what you have lost but focusing on the good in life that you still have. I was blessed with friends who took me out to a concert in Zilker park the evening of our Anniversary. This was a couple who we went on sailboat cruising vacations with three times in the Virgin Islands in years past to celebrate our anniversaries. Their anniversary was in June also. I know this year was a sad time for them as well, but at least we had the comfort of each others friendship.

I think as time goes by, each year will get a little easier to remember the good times on those events, but I think the first year or so its still to early to expect that. And what reading I've done about mourning indicates this to be the case.

It has not been a year yet since my wife passed and I still have setbacks, but they are getting a little easier and less frequent. I know our coming birthday in April will be hard. It probably will be for years, but I'm not going to try and fool myself into thinking it should be otherwise. I loved her too much, I miss her too much, I lost too much for it to be otherwise, for it to be easy. Best to just accept it for what it is.

Surround yourself with your loved ones and friends and be grateful for what you still have.

[old_cold]

Originally Posted by G Grasshopper

I did make it through our anniversary - the first by myself. ......................I had started being able to think of other things, but this event launched maybe 3 days of just thinking about him again. I suppose I am starting to come out of it now. But on Wednesday, it is his birthday. I don't know if I will experience the same thing. But if I do, I know I will eventually make it through.

Two hallmark days so close together and so soon is a double whammy for you.
It's late for you anniversary but here's a wish for you to get through the birthday as gracefully as possible.
Birthdays get remembered by others but I'm wondering if anybody will remember that today will be my first.....guess it's now a non- anniversary...since my family is far away and this was really 'our' day,not theirs.
But it's also the birthday of my mom and has become a day for just remembering what a good mom she was so I'm going to try to make sure he gets to ride on the coattails of that habit and be happy for the 53 years we did get to share rather than think of the ones we won't get to.

P.S. I figured getting rid of me was a great birthday present to her