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There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” ~Washington Irving.
February 5th, I said good-bye to a loved one for the last time. Doris had been my "second mother" for the last 15 years (after the death of my own mom) in 2001. She was also my mom's nearest and dearest friend, and I first met Doris when I was born (55 years ago).
She was at our house every week, visiting Mom and chatting with us kids. She took us to the beach and out for rides in her nice car. She was a lot of fun.
In Doris' last years, I was finally able to pay back a few of the many kindnesses she'd done for me and my mother. I visited Doris once a week and took her some food and we ate lunch together. When she went into the hospital, I showed up every morning and read the Bible to her.
The last few weeks were very intense. There was no family, so me and another woman took care of her, acted as her advocate in the medical world and sat with her daily. (She was terrified of hospitals.) We were with her those last days, as she was leaving earth.
In short, I loved her dearly but she wasn't at the center of my life. I visited her regularly but I didn't see her every day.
And yet, I am still busting out in tears when I talk about her.
Silly, isn't it?
She wouldn't like to see me in such a mess.
Advice would be appreciated.
no darlin, it isn't silly, this woman owned a very special place in your heart, and we humans, are unable to tell the heart how to think and feel. It is obviously you loved her dearly, and that's ok....you cannot set a time limit on grieving...everyone is different....so please don't feel silly, or crazy....just go with it and allow it, its ok, dearheart....it's perfectly fine....and then one day, you'll be driving down the road, or cooking something, or in a store, and something she said, will make you burst out into laughter, remembering her with a smile....memories of them, is what helps to keep them alive.
When we lose someone near and dear to us, we miss that schedule that we put aside to be with them, so that purpose is also gone....
and most of all, when we lose loved ones, sometimes in the back of our minds, we fear going on without them and actually a part of us, unconsciously, believes, that it's not ok to have fun or be happy or enjoy life....but it is ok, b/c they wouldn't want us to remain unhappy or in mourning for them the rest of our days, they would specifically want us to enjoy life and live it to the best of our ability.
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” ~Washington Irving.
In 6 days, it will be 39 months that my husband passed and for some reason I have been weepy the last 2 days. Why? I have no idea. Just missing my family. Mom, Dad, hubby.
It never "goes away", it just slips further down but it is always there. So you will have good days and bad days. There will even good YEARS. Don't feel that your tears are silly or uncalled for. It is never unacceptable to cry for a lost loved one IMO. If anyone doesn't accept my tears, they can go pound sand.
In 6 days, it will be 39 months that my husband passed and for some reason I have been weepy the last 2 days. Why? I have no idea. Just missing my family. Mom, Dad, hubby.
It never "goes away", it just slips further down but it is always there. So you will have good days and bad days. There will even good YEARS. Don't feel that your tears are silly or uncalled for. It is never unacceptable to cry for a lost loved one IMO.
If anyone doesn't accept my tears, they can go pound sand.
Tami...Good you're letting your tears come up and out.. When I woke up yesterday morning, one of my eyes was swollen. And it hurt! Pretty soon, my other eye started to bother me too...I've had sinus problems lately but I felt like there was more to it...I knew it was time to let myself cry and get in touch with my sadness again. (Versus "playing soldier" and acting stoic all the time.)
Tami...Good you're letting your tears come up and out.. When I woke up yesterday morning, one of my eyes was swollen. And it hurt! Pretty soon, my other eye started to bother me too...I've had sinus problems lately but I felt like there was more to it...I knew it was time to let myself cry and get in touch with my sadness again. (Versus "playing soldier" and acting stoic all the time.)
You're right, CA, a little bit of crying feels good from time to time.
I even repped MAR for such a nice post! It made me smile.
In 6 days, it will be 39 months that my husband passed and for some reason I have been weepy the last 2 days. Why? I have no idea. Just missing my family. Mom, Dad, hubby.
It never "goes away", it just slips further down but it is always there. So you will have good days and bad days. There will even good YEARS. Don't feel that your tears are silly or uncalled for. It is never unacceptable to cry for a lost loved one IMO. If anyone doesn't accept my tears, they can go pound sand.
days never flow the same, there are good days and not so good days, your reactions to issues, at hand, might also spark tears, and also your mood....some rainy days might spark tears...it depends, we're all different, and it's ok to cry for a lost one....even 15 years later....
yanno, it might also help to go to a health food store, and purchase B12 or other vitamins that will help with depression...(I'm not into taking to many meds) but vitamins and natural cures, would be the ticket...to help one thru those tragic times when you miss them the most. I did....
days never flow the same, there are good days and not so good days, your reactions to issues, at hand, might also spark tears, and also your mood....some rainy days might spark tears...it depends, we're all different, and it's ok to cry for a lost one....even 15 years later....
yanno, it might also help to go to a health food store, and purchase B12 or other vitamins that will help with depression...(I'm not into taking to many meds) but vitamins and natural cures, would be the ticket...to help one thru those tragic times when you miss them the most. I did....
Great post tamiznluv!!!
Thanks,creme. A good "pick me up" natural herb is St. John's Wort. I used to take them before I needed prescription meds. They really work well. I agree, B12 or other vitamins are essential for good body and mind health. Co-Q10 is another one. I also take fish oil for my well being. 5,000 mg of vitamin D too. My neurologist prescribes them. They are cheaper that way. I also take an adult aspirin a day instead of the blood thinners my cardiologist keeps trying to persuade me to take. Nope. None of those, thank you. I will take my chances with the aspirin.
Good suggestions, creme. Doing natural for 20 years before I needed something more powerful has kept my health and well being in pretty good check, including my MS! I'm a pretty healthy "sick" person.
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How long does one grieve?
