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MSR...Great post! You sound so bubbly and upbeat! I'm really happy for you!
Hi CA,
Thanks for the note. I think that was you.........it ran out of space. There was a day that wouldn't have happened. It's good that you have lots to say. Send me an email so I can read the rest of that chapter.
If someone else wrote that unsigned note; First, Thank You and others who gave me rep points and notes. Second, I hope you are doing well or at least better.
To my friends, it's amazing what we remember and can pick up communicating where we last had contact. Not everyone has what we do here - others who will consider our thoughts and feelings and still like us
CA, I'm glad my posts seem as you described. Perhaps I'm a better writer..... j/k. I had healing things happen the past year which helped soothe and calm parts of me that couldn't believe a family would do nothing publicly to acknowledge the loss of a child and sibling. Thank God that nightmare is over.
There are certain days I wonder if I should extend an olive branch to the "kin" in the south. At least I don't experience nausea thinking about it for a minute. But it's not time yet.
Also, I asked all of you about the Legacy obituary and if I should write something given notes that included me by name. I remember what all of you advised. I've also learned that different people do different things. I have read some obituaries this past year where children of the one lost have written comments. They wanted their parent's last online presence to include words written by that child. In both cases the kids were young adults. Perhaps that makes a difference, IDK.
I also saw something that was quite powerful to read in an obituary at Legacy. I know the family but didn't know the college -age son they lost about 10 years ago. He was in a fatal accident where he attended college. Each year on his birthday his stepmother writes an update or summary. It was kind of nice. I think Legacy informs many but is really for the family and others who are the survivors. I think as far apart as people live from each other, it's hard to find a place to even feel like they can focus on the person who was lost. I won't be surprised to see more people do this with time.
I hope you can laugh when you see something that reminds you of the one, or the multiple family members and others, that brought you here to read and write about and Grieving on CDF. We will always miss those we lost; but time does balance how much time we feel our grief vs. other feelings. Or at least that is my experience.
I feel badly when some I know have buried their grief. They potentially don't know what it is that changed them. While there absolutely can be other factors, unresolved grief breaks up relationships, can change one's ability to function the same way they use to at work, plus feeling discouraged while not depressed or anxious and more. If you know anything about me, and you are either as a poster or lurker, I know this stuff. I encourage you to be good to yourself. You may even find a support group or individual therapy help a lot. Guess what - it speaks to how difficult it was to lose the people or person you did, if it is hard to talk about your feelings. There is no shame talking to someone who understands grief and loss. You will feel better. I know some don't want to talk fearing they will "cry and cry unable to stop." Those tears need to come out...tears can be very healing when tender memories and the difficulties you experienced are safe to tell a trusted friend or a mental health expert. When it is time, the tears will stop. If you have extra time on your hands, I strongly encourage you to be good to yourself and use this extra time to talk to someone safe.
Y'all take care.
MSR
Last edited by Mtn. States Resident; 04-14-2015 at 10:25 PM..
MSR...Sorry it took me so long to write back. I had an experience a few days ago that showed me how "deep" my grief really is, and how I've kept a lot of my grief and pain "locked away."...A memory of my younger son popped into my mind. It was actually just an ordinary day. But, it felt so good to have him around again!...One part of me came all "unglued" when the memory came into my mind and yelled-out: "Stop! It's too painful! Don't go there!"...This is the first time I've ever had this type of reaction. So, I know I still have layers and layers of grief "hidden away."...I'll come back and respond to more soon.
MSR...I agree with what you wrote about unresolved grief. Every now and then, I catch myself walking around in a nearly "dead" state. Like a robot or zombie!...Or, I feel like I'm sitting on a lot of "irritation" or even anger. When I get this way, I know that the only "cure" is to let my sadness come out.. Maybe I need to have a good long cry in order to breathe some "life" back into me again...Easter (and Spring) is a time of "rebirth." Unfortunately, I can't bring my loved ones back. But, I feel like it's my job to work to keep myself "alive" as long as I'm on the planet. (Even if I have to feel sad and feel my pain in order to avoid "dying off" before my time.) What do you think?
I'll get back to the above posts a different time. This post is dedicated to my FRIEND in Richland as today is an anniversary of passing of someone very close.
I will not openly post how this was given to me for you. I've always known it was for you. Just a few things about this interview with Dave Mason. My purpose in posting it is to let you know I remember. Since it is for you, only you can decide the meaning. I have thoughts, but only you can know for certain. I can tell you it's not about Leigh Taylor Young, John Roger or the MSIA.
I would encourage you to listen closely at 2:50 for 20 seconds. Then listen closely at 5:50. This seems different than the last time I listened, probably in 12/2014, but I can't write how openly. However, I find the three artists Dave mentions to be very interesting. The first two because you like them. The third, well you and I both know that answer.
When you are ready to know more, please email me as that is a private discussion only for you. I hope this helps as you think about who you lost on this day a few years ago. I hope you know I care and know this day is too important to ever forget.
"Time is on our side I feel
The light of truth will soon reveal
A reason for our fears of letting go."
D. Mason- from "Mystic Traveler"
How wonderful to get a note from a different friend about the above post. What is slightly odd, is I had been thinking about my friend in CO the day I posted this.
Thanks for the note You and I have always shared the same beliefs/knowledge about this.
It's not Easter, but I'd rather post this here than a thread started by someone I don't know.
Two years ago today I received the horrible phone call and I think Voice Mail message, telling me Crick had died. I don't remember if I ever told my friends here that information was left in a Voice Mail message. It's a sad day because I miss Crick so much. Some events the past year have been confusing resulting in more loss. I miss not having Crick around to listen and help me make sense of it.
I chose the name Crick given the work of Watson and Crick. I have no intention, since these posts can be searched externally with any search engine, of posting Crick ' s real name, gender or other identifying information. I won't allow a family in the south to ever see anything I've written about Crick. They took everything from me, they don't have the right to read how I've felt and feel since Crick ' s death.
I chose the Crick name for my dear, late friend both because of the similar training and because Crick is gone, but Watson was still alive the last I checked. What is interesting is as I've read more about the original Crick I have smiled as "my Crick" also did a brief Fellowship at Cold Springs Harbor. They share more about their respective training than I originally knew.
MSR, sending you (((HUGS))) across cyberspace. Two years now? My, it doesn't seem possible. Your dear Crick is in the mind of a complete stranger (me) and I do send prayers. It would be so nice if you could be open and honest here but I understand. Do you think the family even gives you a second thought now? I doubt it. They totally erased you the moment Crick died and I am so sorry it still hurts. I know none of the usual sayings will help you and you must go it alone. I'm really sorry about that. Still, it's nice to know you are still alive and kickin'. Pardon the pun.
I know we're well beyond Easter, but I know those who posted in this thread or sent me messages.
We use to ponder two years ago about certain things that happened in our lives and whether they were coincidence or a connection from beyond. We all have our own experiences and know what was unique about them. Lately, I've been missing Crick a lot for a couple of different reasons. I knew some of the things Crick would have done to help me.
It's not the same, at least to me, to try to have to explain what makes me feel better. Part was having someone who knew me so well those were automatic reactions. There have been three specific things this past week that have been beyond what others knew to do. I was thinking about tomorrow and something special only Crick did.
To my great surprise this morning, there was a knock on my door. A person I haven't seen in over a year decided to stop by and bring a small gift. The gift wasn't identical in coloring, but no one has given me this gift since the last time Crick did. It was a powerful visit from a newer friend who just felt today was the day to drop by and say hi.
So good to see you, MSR. What a wonderful surprise! Not to mention the same thing Crick would have chosen. I do believe in "signs" if not just for my own happiness. I'm so happy for you! Thank you for sharing.
Hope your health is stable.
My best to you,
tami
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There was a day that wouldn't have happened. It's good that you have lots to say. Send me an email so I can read the rest of that chapter. 
Thinking of You
