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I belong to a caregiver support group, as I care for my disabled father. Many in the group care for their spouses, who have Alzheimer's disease. There is a lovely older woman in the group that I have now know for a couple years, and even though we only see each other during support groups, we have really bonded.
I haven't been to the group for the past couple months because my father has been in and out of the hospital multiple times.
My support group friend called me yesterday to tell me her husband had suddenly died, soon after a complication of a medical procedure. This was a total shock. We talked for quite awhile. Some crying. She blames herself quite a bit, saying she should have never let me have "the medical procedure".
I want to do something for her. She is the kind of person that just declines and says "I'm fine....I'll be ok". How much should I push? Even if it's just bringing over some food.... She lives alone now, and doesn't have any children.
Yes..food is always good. I always tell everyone I am fine too and yet I am not. For some reason we often don't want to feel like a burden on others. I am more then sure this friend of yours is not eating properly--we don't often times in these situations. I always appreciated food being brought over. Only happened a couple of times but I sure enjoyed real food!
A suggestion - as a friend, go over and spend some time once in a while. She has not only lost her husband, she has also lost her job of caregiving. The grief is accompanied by loneliness and just not knowing what to do with yourself. Also, there is a huge amount of paperwork and legalities that go with the death of a spouse. It is terribly daunting to face this alone, especially if your friend was not used to doing paperwork, financial arrangements and such by herself. If you are not able to help in these areas, see if you can find resources. Sometimes things being left undone can add insult to injury as other problems arise.
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