Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Someone I know was dating someone who lost their spouse in death.
The death was tragic. She overdosed on medications and was found dead.
All the widower did was complain to my friend about how horrible of a wife she was all 22 years
and how she abused presciptions and he tried to stop her and she wouldnt listen..etc..
My friend almost married this man, but because she realized he wasnt going to be a good fit for
her or her childrens life, she broke it off...
Well, when she did this, the man got very angry and said that he was going to wait for his true love...
HIS DEAD WIFE!!! and when he died, he would at last be reunited with her...
to make the long story short, a few months passed and he begged my friend to get back with him claiming his love..My friend has ignored him because she played therapist during their whole relationship and feels drained...needless to say, I have been supportive of her, but I wonder why someone would do that?
And if we have to be careful when dating or getting involved with ones who just lost their spouse?
I try to learn from the experiences around me.
What do you all think?
I don't think there is anything wrong with being involved with a widow or widower, but it would have to be at least a couple of years after the death, and I would really need to have had many heart to heart talks with the person about the situation and adjustment, etc. In fact, it would not be a bad idea to go to some counseling to make sure there are not remaining issues. I would be cautious with someone who wants to rush into a relationship quickly, as there are bound to be unresolved feelings with the relationship, the situation surrounding the death, etc. But I think there are many happy marriages out there that include at least one spouse who has been widowed.
How does dealing with the loss of a spouse differ from dealing with the loss of a boyfriend or girlfriend who left you? Is it because there are so many more memories to contend with?
Would the loss be similar if it was a "sig other," and not a spouse, that one lived with for years?
I think the issue was that this particular man had a selective memory. He was messed up, and probably felt guilty about not being able to fix his wife. He may come to his senses if he gets some therapy, but your friend was right to break it off.
That does not mean that there aren't plenty of widowers and widows who have made successful new relationships.
My neighbor is 79. He lost his second wife to cancer 2 years ago. He was lonely, so he went to a bereavement group and met another lady who he started seeing about 1 year after his wife died. I don't know if he'll get married again, but they are enjoying the companionship. At some point, I think a widowed person comes to a place where they are ready for a new relationship. They get sick of being lonely.
Widow, widower, single, divorced, etc., it dies not matter. Never date negative people, complainers, moaner, groaners, begrudgers, mood swings, lives in the past, etc. One definite sign to me to stay away is anyone on prescription mind altering drugs. I say stay far away from them.
How does dealing with the loss of a spouse differ from dealing with the loss of a boyfriend or girlfriend who left you? Is it because there are so many more memories to contend with?
Would the loss be similar if it was a "sig other," and not a spouse, that one lived with for years?
I think it is difficult to give a good answer to that question other than "it depends..." All relationships are different. I know someone who has lived with her "significant other" for 45 years. Losing that person would certainly be the same as losing a spouse, I would think.
I learned a lot from my friends experience...
And you are right, it is different for everyone...
and many times a divorce can feel like a death...
There are stages of grief.
thanks for the comments.
Reading the various posts a few things come to mind. I have been widowed for approx. 3 yrs. Although it may be human behavior to scrutinize the survivor there are reasonable acceptable limits. Being a widow or widower should not be a stigma. Most of us will get the opportunity like it or not.As they say "none of us get out of this place alive "and unless both die at the same time it behooves the survivor to pick up the pieces and do the best they can with time remaining for them.
Unless criminal activity was involved, guilt is something many times related to medical incompetence. Let guilt reside where it belongs---grief is another matter. Grief is usually handled well by the majority in their own method and time.
Grief is the common denominator to all who have lost a beloved spouse, but lots of people experience anger (at medical people, at the spouse for leaving then, at themselves, at God, etc.) or guilt for something they did or didn't do or think, or regret about some part of the relationship that was left hanging at the time of death. There can be lots of difficult issues. Not everyone experiences those complications to grieving, but when they are present, they can continue to cause pain for a long time. I do not think that being widowed should be stigma, but it seems to me that some kind of emotional peace has to be there before before injecting another complication, meaning a new relationship. Of course, everyone is different, but it is something to consider.
They may compare you to the late spouse and that may not work out too well.
I would stay away from anyone looking for someone " just like" the late spouse or someone that tries to mold you into that person.
I don't think there is any kind of stigma for a person that lost a spouse. That part would never enter my mind.
The fact that she is a widow would not affect my decision. Her actions and personality would.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
