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i was barely holding it together as it was.
unexpected death of a 28 year old child.
drama from his father's side.
financial inability to pay for what needed to be paid for.
i actually didn't need the funeral service itself.
i was there after my son was autopsied
so i could give him his last bath
we witnessed his cremation
i was allowed to do every thing at the cremation
and for me, that was enough
it was all the ceremony i needed
i was checked out by the funeral,
which was 8 days after he died
it was a mess
i don't know how people orchestrate such lovely and elaborate funerals -
that seem so organised and put together
his was terrible
physically painful to endure
it is so much work
so much to figure out
all whilst grieving the worse loss imaginable.
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That is why so many pay big bucks to funeral homes. THEY take care of everything for you. Americans don't deal well with death anymore. I'm glad you got to do what you did with your son. I don't know how many women could do that. I don't know if I could either.
My son's friend was killed in an accident on the morning of Senior Prom. We didn't go to the funeral, but just the calling hours. The classmates were just shattered, and I really don't know how his parents remained so strong.
Any time it is a child, it's so devastating. Other friends children have died by accident or suicide and it is so hard to bear.
My best friend's husband. He was killed in a head-on collision. The funeral itself was beautiful, the chapel was full of his friends and loved ones. I sobbed through the whole thing. Then we went to the graveside, where his family placed roses on the casket. When it came time for his daughter to place her rose, she lost it, and I have never heard anyone wail in grief like that. Her mom just stood there and held her while she cried. She never did place the rose on his casket. My friend made it through the whole ceremony with a quiet, calm dignity that amazed me, because I knew how much she was hurting inside.
My grandmother, the only grandparent I'd ever known, died when I was 8. My father told me to kiss her on the cheek when she was in the casket. She was cold. I stood shivering at her open grave on Valentines Day.
There were other unpleasant ones, but that was the worst.
My partner ( I call him my partner because we weren't married, but we were straight) There is never a moment that goes by in my life, to know how blessed I have been, to have been with this man. He was truly the greatest thing about living life. Just last night I was listening to the song Toto, I'll be over you and teared-up. It's not about not being able to to let go, it's about when someone has literally touched your soul..
The worst was my sister in laws young sons funeral, he was only 13 on his way to watch his favourtie team play football and was killed on the road by a speeding car..... was awful..........the other one though a little funny even to the bereaved family was when my mothers heel caught in the opening on a rubber doormat on the way into the crematorium and tore it off.. she had to limp down the aisle and out of the place... my step dad looked so angry at her that I thought she might be next to be carried in to the place but everyone had a wee smile... strange at a sad occassion,,, but the person being cremated my aunt was such a funny person herself that she would have been laughing too.....I dont think however that my stepdad spoke to her all day and we had to buy her cheap slippers from a nearby shop..to go to the funeral tea.
Sometimes tradition or church dictates which mortuary you use. For example, in my hometown, Catholics tend to favor one funeral home not only because its close to the church but because it is owned by a parishioner who advertises in the bulletin and is active in the community. For awhile, his place became a little bit tired and shabby, (he eventually did renovate) and he lost business to the other big one in town.
Unfortunately, the director there (the one that was known as the "Nice" funeral home) got into trouble after she accidentally switched the ashes of two people, then tried to cover it up. One family buried the ashes, none the wiser, but the other noticed the metal name-tag in the urn was wrong after scattering the ashes in a lake. So the director goes to the county and gets some unclaimed/unidentified ashes, and makes a new tag at the hardware store, and replaces the families ashes apologizing for the mixup, claiming that THESE were the real ashes. Upon hearing that authorities were looking into it, she goes to the cemetery where the real ashes were buried under a different name and pretending to leave flowers, digs up the ashes and takes the nametag.
If he had his last rites, lots of Catholics might feel differently. And in any case, I think that's a bit more comforting than the other options.
On to the original subject, I dislike the more free form "Celebrations of Life." I love the term and the idea, but the ones I have been to have taken way too long. i understand that that may sound mean, but my close friend passed and they invited anyone and everyone to speak. Each side of the family had something to say, her poor mother talked at length, each group of her friends all said something, her widower talked, her boss talked...Everyone that she touched felt obligated to share something.
This just reminded me of my aunt's burial. I had two old-maid aunts that lived together their entire lives. One died about 5 years before the other, and was buried in the double plot they had purchased years before. When the second aunt died, my brother and mom (they were the only ones that went to the cemetery, because my aunt was a nasty, mean old woman who burned bridges all her life, and had no friends) traveled from the church to the cemetery, and were greeted at the gate by the person in charge. It seems that there was someone already buried in her spot. Apparently, the former owners (it had recently changed hands) were "double selling" the plots, and nobody had caught on until then.
The former owners ended up being investigated and served time in prison, and quite a few bodies were dug up and reburied properly.
My aunts ended up being moved to another section of the cemetery, side by side. My family actually laughs about this, since my aunts would have both been furious if they knew how it all went down, and somebody probably would have ended up with a black eye and missing teeth (they were both prone to violence).
Went to a teens funeral that was only 18 when they drowned. During the message I think the Pastor tried to get too creative and started say, as XYZ went under the water and took his last breath and when he was under the water before he crossed over to the other side, God was .... I was thinking to myself, is this dude reenacting the drowning scene, as I was thinking that I would see a couple of people getting up and burst into tears, so Im guessing they were thinking the same thing I was thinking.
Everyone single one has been emotional , couldn't pick a worst
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I stood shivering at her open grave on Valentines Day.