Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Below is a poem which might bring some comfort to those who have lost a loved one:
Death Is Nothing At All
By Henry Scott-Holland
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
I lost both of my parents many years ago and used to torture myself with counting the years since they departed with each event that passed (the first birthday since, the first thanksgiving since) etc.
I saw the passage of time taking me further and further away from them, making me more sad with each passing year.
I finally realized, I will never be further away from them than the day they passed. If anything, I am getting closer to them, as I am getting closer each day to my own passing.
This worked for me and brought me peace.
I hope it brings you peace as well.
What a wonderful way of looking at things. Thank you for that suggestion.
Once you lose a parent you are never the same even if you didn't get along.
You get used to the changes over time. You become the grown up, without the psychological dependence on another person. Nobody to blame for our lives and nobody to look to for anything.
Im so glad to know Im not alone in this crazy feeling. My birthday is tomorrow and Im dreading it. Im usually very excited but this is my first without mom. No call, no card....just one more reminder thats shes gone. Grief is miserable. I feel like the rest of the world has moved on, even forgotten that Im still hurting as much as the day she passed. Does it get easier??
Im so glad to know Im not alone in this crazy feeling. My birthday is tomorrow and Im dreading it. Im usually very excited but this is my first without mom. No call, no card....just one more reminder thats shes gone. Grief is miserable. I feel like the rest of the world has moved on, even forgotten that Im still hurting as much as the day she passed. Does it get easier??
Oh yes, Randee, it will get better with the passage of time.
27 years ago I remember as if it was yesterday, my ex and I were sitting in a nice restaurant having dinner because Dad sent us out. I clearly can see and hear myself looking at all these patrons laughing, smiling, having a good time and I thought to myself "Can't they see I am in agonizing pain? How dare they just go about life as if nothing happened! MY life has been torn apart!"
I really felt that way in that instant.
No call, no card on my birthday or any special day after that. Well, Dad did but it was not from them both anymore. ( I am tearing up right now. ) It never goes away, it just gets easier to deal with. The first two years will be years of "toughs". You can get through them and every year after too. One baby step at a time.
Can't say it's "easier". It's a transition for the days and years of accepting that physical loss . The emotional will subside and mature til one day ...on your birthday you'll quietly talk with that parent you grieved...and thank them for giving you life..and all those ohh so precious memories that actually got you thru the darkest of days. And no...we that have lost our parent have that silent compassion for the new orphan to the fold. I do know of your sorrow and respect you for making it thru one more day...one more moment . You are not alone.
Can't say it's "easier". It's a transition for the days and years of accepting that physical loss . The emotional will subside and mature til one day ...on your birthday you'll quietly talk with that parent you grieved...and thank them for giving you life..and all those ohh so precious memories that actually got you thru the darkest of days. And no...we that have lost our parent have that silent compassion for the new orphan to the fold. I do know of your sorrow and respect you for making it thru one more day...one more moment . You are not alone.
Yes, it gets easier to deal with imo. That's your opinion.
Can't say it's "easier". It's a transition for the days and years of accepting that physical loss . The emotional will subside and mature til one day ...on your birthday you'll quietly talk with that parent you grieved...and thank them for giving you life..and all those ohh so precious memories that actually got you thru the darkest of days. And no...we that have lost our parent have that silent compassion for the new orphan to the fold. I do know of your sorrow and respect you for making it thru one more day...one more moment . You are not alone.
It has been a few years for me, and I do not feel it is easier, however, my emotional turmoil has ebbed. So perhaps that can be defined as easier by some.
You are not alone. It takes as long as it takes and these times vary tremendously among all of us.
Randee, since we are on semantics, the original post I replied with, I said I was "tearing up " while reliving that episode. Not one teardrop fell though and when I snapped back into the present, I was not depressed or anything. THAT is what I meant by "easier". There is no grieving anymore, just a deep sadness and a heaviness in a part of my heart. It is easier to just live life now. Of course I have had 27 years of practice.
It has been a few years for me, and I do not feel it is easier, however, my emotional turmoil has ebbed. So perhaps that can be defined as easier by some.
You are not alone. It takes as long as it takes and these times vary tremendously among all of us.
That's how I feel about it. It becomes a bit easier over time.
It stops becoming your breakfast and midnight snack.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
