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My mother passed away in May of last year. For one month, I experienced this brutal, empty feeling that wouldn’t go away no matter what I did or thought about. It felt like someone stabbed a dagger into my soul and I was deprived of something very precious.
After that one month, the feeling gradually started to wane. I think my mind suppressed the thought of my mother’s death because thinking about it wasn’t doing me much of any good. Now, more than a year later, I can say that it no longer affects me the way it did in those first few weeks.
I say this for those of you who are going through a period of grief - no matter how terrible you feel it is, it will come to pass. Just hang in there.
We all heal at different paces...... Dont worry if your still feeling bad..... Its not easy to get over...
Yes, it is not easy to get over. I couldn’t really get myself to write about it until now.
I hope nobody thinks my comments were meant to diminish their own grieving experience in any way. I just wanted to give people some comfort in the thought that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
We can't make generalizations like that. It has been over 3 years for me, and I am still not myself, and still grieving. Granted, my case may not be typical, but I'm just being honest. Sometimes "hanging in there" isn't enough and we may need more help.
I find minimizing this kind of grief a little bit annoying, quite frankly.
My mom died about a year before my husband did. But I grieved very little for her. She had been fading away from dementia for some years, and I would have to say that I did a lot of grieving about 2 years before her death because, although her body was still there, the person that she was already had gone. The last 3 months she was in near-coma. In addition to that chain of events, my mom died while my husband was undergoing intense chemotherapy and all kinds of complications, my sister-in-law was in the midst of growing dementia as well as fighting cancer and was newly non-ambulatory and needing care. And my son was depressed. I was so concentrated on holding everything together with the rest of my family that taking time to grieve my mom, I guess, was not something I could do. In addition, just after my mother died, my older sister told me about some terrible things that my mom had done that I had never known about. So mourning my mom was complex. Nevertheless, I still miss talking to her, and I acknowledge how important she was to me.
We all have different relationships and situations, and there is no pattern that we can go by. It is way too simplistic to say that the worst will be over in a month. Maybe for that one person, but each of us has our own individual "stuff" to deal with and our own individual way of coping and grieving.
Time does heal, but healing can be complicated and delayed by many things. We should never minimize its impact. But we should not denigrate the person who heals quickly either. One thing we should watch out for, however, is being encouraged to "suppress" our grief, for whatever reason. At some point, suppressed grief will show up again in some form. Grief must run its course, no matter how short or long, for us to emerge as whole, functioning people. And as painful as it is, we need to stay with and work through that grief.
It's a path...with no map or final destination. I still weave thru bouts of grief. Though no where near the months of intense guilt,deep sorrow, or flashbacks. It's still an acknowledgement that it does not cease. It gets incorporated ..and when it arrives..I sit thru it..with tears or even a gentle holding on to the love that got me thru to that point.
I respect that for the OP the immediate grief met it's term early..as you incorporate this loss into the tapestry of your life...may it serve you with compassion and a renewed faith in humanity.
As everyone says, it is an individual process, unique to one person. There is no right or wrong way. No one can or should say "it takes such and such a length of time". They are wrong.
You can state your experience but don't tell it as an "in stone" fact for others. My timeline is my timeline, as is yours.
This is just a general post to everyone. My "you" is not directed towards anyone personally. Just to be clear. I am finding that people should post disclaimers lest someone take offense where non is intended.
So, how do people deal with intense grief and emotional pain if it lasts for many months or years? I was so distracted for just one month that I was fearful I might lose my job.
The world seems to have no patience or mercy for this sort of thing.
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