Grief and Betrayal

[FindingZen]

Originally Posted by Aleister Crowley

Finding Zen, it sounds like for many years you made the dearly departed very happy. The same cannot be said for her biological family, but that is not your fault. Just remember, you cannot change the behavior of others or how they think or feel. The only thing you can do is live, learn and move on with your life.

Thank you. I am doing the best I can with that last suggestion.

[FindingZen]

I was looking up some info on my profile and, coming across this thread, figured it was a good time to write a postscript.

I have just moved back to my home city of Philadelphia after drawn-out negotiations with my dearly departed's children were finally settled. Even as I am currently surrounded by moving boxes, I already feel better being closer to friends, family and familiar places.

Dallas was simply incompatible for me and too associated with my grief even before the family exacerbating it. Nonetheless, I appreciate the support and insight I gained from new friends, my therapist as well as the church I attended. I also learned, for better or worse, resilience which motivated me to lose over 30 pounds.

I don't have to tell anyone here that grief changes you. I'm a little wary of people anymore. I'm also hyper-aware of my own mortality and that I cannot predict when it may happen. Nonetheless, I feel like I'm at least a little more in control of my destiny by returning to the place where I feel most comfortable.

[Spottednikes]

Good update. Glad you are back in familiar surroundings.

[orbiter]

Originally Posted by FindingZen

I was looking up some info on my profile and, coming across this thread, figured it was a good time to write a postscript.

I have just moved back to my home city of Philadelphia after drawn-out negotiations with my dearly departed's children were finally settled. Even as I am currently surrounded by moving boxes, I already feel better being closer to friends, family and familiar places.

Dallas was simply incompatible for me and too associated with my grief even before the family exacerbating it. Nonetheless, I appreciate the support and insight I gained from new friends, my therapist as well as the church I attended. I also learned, for better or worse, resilience which motivated me to lose over 30 pounds.

I don't have to tell anyone here that grief changes you. I'm a little wary of people anymore. I'm also hyper-aware of my own mortality and that I cannot predict when it may happen. Nonetheless, I feel like I'm at least a little more in control of my destiny by returning to the place where I feel most comfortable.

So happy for you now that you are surrounded with family and friends.
Middle adulthood has been defined as the time between 45 and 65 years old. Enjoy.

[Suzanne Sugarbaker]

Originally Posted by coschristi

I think this is a terrible situation & you have every right to feel betrayed!

I’m sure you were never confused about being a “replacement” for their dad & their dad; obviously, was not the one caregiving for their mother. Come to think of it; neither were they.

I think they are clueless of how self-mitigating caregiving can be. I’m not saying they owe you but ... well; yes I am. I believe they owe you some respect & not just going through the motions but actually feeling gratitude & admiration.

I know, we can’t change other people. I just wanted to validate you. I think it’s an awful situation.

I agree. Her children are horrible to you. I hope you find peace.

[FindingZen]

Originally Posted by orbiter

So happy for you now that you are surrounded with family and friends.
Middle adulthood has been defined as the time between 45 and 65 years old. Enjoy.

Thank you, orbiter!

[FindingZen]

Originally Posted by Spottednikes

Good update. Glad you are back in familiar surroundings.

Thank you!