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My hubby passed away April 9, 2019 of advanced prostate cancer. I cared for him at home with the help of hospice the last month & half of our lives together. The last 3 days he was in a coma. I felt so helpless because he could not tell me how to help him!!! He could not tell me if he was in pain, needed re-positioning, had an itch - it was horrible to feel so helpless to know what to do to make his last days comfortable. Now, less than a month later, I do not want him to see me in inconsolable grief, sobbing & crying, & giving up on life. I feel hubby's presence & talk to him everyday throughout the day. I do not want him to have that awful torment of feeling helpless to console me. We were married for nearly 42 wonderful years, we knew each other thoughts without speaking them. I know he does not want me to live my life grieving with nothing to look forward to. Those thoughts help get me through each day. Then, I think to myself, how would I want him to be if it were me to have passed on first? I know the answer to that! I would want him to be happy, and live life to the fullest, just as we always did together.
I have my "moments" & the tears come, he would expect that - for awhile, not forever.
I want him to continue to be proud that I was his wife for 42 years. I can only do that by moving forward.
I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved husband. I cannot imagine the pain and sadness. I am glad you posted here and hope you find nuggets of help and comfort. I particularly appreciate your last two sentences. Beautiful thoughts that I want to tuck away in my heart.
My hubby passed away April 9, 2019 of advanced prostate cancer. I cared for him at home with the help of hospice the last month & half of our lives together. The last 3 days he was in a coma. I felt so helpless because he could not tell me how to help him!!! He could not tell me if he was in pain, needed re-positioning, had an itch - it was horrible to feel so helpless to know what to do to make his last days comfortable. Now, less than a month later, I do not want him to see me in inconsolable grief, sobbing & crying, & giving up on life. I feel hubby's presence & talk to him everyday throughout the day. I do not want him to have that awful torment of feeling helpless to console me. We were married for nearly 42 wonderful years, we knew each other thoughts without speaking them. I know he does not want me to live my life grieving with nothing to look forward to. Those thoughts help get me through each day. Then, I think to myself, how would I want him to be if it were me to have passed on first? I know the answer to that! I would want him to be happy, and live life to the fullest, just as we always did together.
I have my "moments" & the tears come, he would expect that - for awhile, not forever.
I want him to continue to be proud that I was his wife for 42 years. I can only do that by moving forward.
Rox, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I cannot imagine. Hugs to you.
The only thing that helped me was time. Nothing else. My mother passed in 2012 and I still mourn her every day, but the deep grief and horrible sadness has abated. I'm at the point where I feel like the dead want us to live life and enjoy it as much as we can while we're here. There comes a point where you can't cry anymore and you have to live as best and as happily as you can.
I'm OK most of the time, but this is the anniversary of dying and death week. At nine years, I still have a bit of a problem with this. Two days ago, I thought of a song that my husband used to sing to me. I couldn't fall asleep last night. I was awake until after 4 AM. Today I remembered why.
I thank you for your kindness. I am not sure I deserve such accolades, but if I have been helpful in a time of sorrow, I am glad. I have learned that suffering begets compassion for others who suffer. I think that is a holy gift, and I have seen it given to many people.
I'm OK most of the time, but this is the anniversary of dying and death week. At nine years, I still have a bit of a problem with this. Two days ago, I thought of a song that my husband used to sing to me. I couldn't fall asleep last night. I was awake until after 4 AM. Today I remembered why.
Yes. I was at a performance last week, and a singer sang an old song that I used to repeat to myself when I was in my 20s, when my husband and I were separated for 2 years because of educational opportunities. At the time, the song gave me comfort and expressed my longing for him. When I heard it sung, I just burst into tears. I had not cried like that for a long time, but sometimes something will bring out the sorrow that still dwells in your heart, despite the fact that we are usually just doing fine. That sorrow will always live there, I think.
Being an adult when the loss occurred, the reality of the age and the declining health of loved ones, faith. Life cycle. Still miss them.....fond memories.
We lost our beloved dog over the winter. Old dog, declining health. Knew the end was going to come but one morning the “decision” to make it happen that morning came. It was the last thing we expected to do that day. One moment we were cuddling in my chair....an hour later we were at the vet. I mean no disrespect but this sudden loss felt like what it might feel to lose a human unexpectedly. I recently bawled for ten minutes missing our pet. It had been 3 months since we said goodbye to him. I guess it was an encore bawl. Sure loved him.
Being an adult when the loss occurred, the reality of the age and the declining health of loved ones, faith. Life cycle. Still miss them.....fond memories.
We lost our beloved dog over the winter. Old dog, declining health. Knew the end was going to come but one morning the “decision” to make it happen that morning came. It was the last thing we expected to do that day. One moment we were cuddling in my chair....an hour later we were at the vet. I mean no disrespect but this sudden loss felt like what it might feel to lose a human unexpectedly. I recently bawled for ten minutes missing our pet. It had been 3 months since we said goodbye to him. I guess it was an encore bawl. Sure loved him.
I can cry at the drop of a hat when it comes to any of my fur/feather babies that have passed. I'm talking decades later. Unconditional love.
I guess what has helped me is the realization that my father hasn't went anywhere actually, his essence is within me, I talk to him all the time.
In fact, one of my problems in life is not listening to myself...
Like, I might see red flags in a relationship, instead of going on my instincts and experience, I just go ahead and let it play out, like I am watching a movie of myself, I just stand there and get taken advantage of again maybe.
So, often I slow myself down or just stop this movie by asking what my father would say or do, and it is really right there within me, I just have to tell it to myself.
So my dad is really always right there with me, I couldn't separate us if I wanted to.
Thx
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