What ultimately helped you move through your pain?

[Lieneke]

Originally Posted by kayanne

Disclaimer: I am a rare person who, having lived 50+ years on this earth, has never experienced a deep loss. I still have both parents, my husband, all my siblings, and my (grown) children. Perhaps it is because I have not yet lost anyone dear to me that I am quite fearful of how painful it will be when the time comes. I wouldn't say I am obsessed, but lately I can easily cry just thinking about losing my parents, for example (88 and 90). And I often tell my husband that if he leaves this earth he better take me with him. I cannot fathom carrying on without him.

I try to think about the natural cycle of life. People are born, they live, they die. I try to think about how life is constantly full of all kinds of changes for all of us, and that with change comes new joys. And I try to tell myself that I will survive the inevitable losses that my future holds, just as billions of other people have done. But mostly I feel frustrated with the inability to know what happens to someone after they die, and that has become almost an obsession with me the past year or so.

Other than religious beliefs (which I no longer hold) what helped you move through the intense pain of losing someone precious to you?

I was in my 20s when my grandfather died at the age of 92. I took a day to be with family, and one of my professors didn't believe that he had died. He asked me why I wasn't crying. I told him that my grandfather lived a long, happy, healthy life. Why should I cry? There's nothing more that I could have hoped his life would be.

When my parents died, I missed them, especially the conversations. I was irritated by the stupid remarks that other people made like "what a relief that they're gone." When people live to a ripe old age, too many assume that the old people have had soup for brains for years and that it's a relief to see an end to it. That is not always true.

Given your parents ages, I think you're going to find out for yourself very soon how to cope with the loss.

Step 1: be kind to them.
Step 2: make sure that you've resolved all lingering conflicts you've had with them.
Step 3: be thankful that they lived long happy healthy lives.
Step 4: avoid telling stupid people that you've lost a parent.

Loss is deeply personal and the only thing that will make it easier is time.

[DanArt]

You will always feel something.

Yet you will feel nothing

The way I see it is the more selfish you are the better off you will.

Some people call themselves stupid but they really are liars

People who devalue other people.

__________________________________________________ _____________________________ Like my cousin who passed around age 23 ( same age as me ) when his mom passed of cancer at 50 ( and survived by her daughter she had when she was 16 ) . I will remember him the first time I met him. I remember playing with him. I remember so much My great aunt was also amazing.

__________________________________________________ ______________________________ The way I see things is that god releases the good people from this planet and all we are left with are the sinners. That is the way I view things. It is like being woken up from a dream. The egg The cocoon The butterfly It could be like something from a book, film, videogame, or current event. You was asleep and then you awake. I read up on stars and how the universe might actually be a donut ( inverted cell ) instead of expanding and how stars all die different ways or how a dim star could be lit into a new star.

[harry chickpea]

Time for a reality check and reminder of the forum rules.

Your experience of grief is personal.

Other people are going to experience grief in their own fashion. It probably won't be the same way you do.

We do NOT compare grief here.

We do NOT denigrate other folks experience of grief.

Be VERY careful when your post contains the word "you." See the link in my signature for more info on that statement.

[Eeko156]

My animals. She rescued cats and I still have her cats. Animals bring a comfort no human has so far.