Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's totally individual, and there's no predicting if it will help. And I notice you don't give us any hint of how much time has elapse. But of course you should go and see. You might also like to talk to her friends, if you know any of them and can reach out.
It's totally individual, and there's no predicting if it will help. And I notice you don't give us any hint of how much time has elapse. But of course you should go and see. You might also like to talk to her friends, if you know any of them and can reach out.
It's been 16 years since she died and I haven't seen her resting place because I was young when she passed and I was unable to visit her resting place. Plus she was buried back home which is continents away. I've been saving money to fly back home. I'm hoping visiting her resting place will give me closure
I visit my wife's grave when I'm in town (1000 miles away) so it is often at a couple year intervals. I like going because it is a peaceful place and restful and that is my eventual resting place. Partly I need confirmation that the site is OK and maintained. It is a family cluster that includes my parents and a few other relatives. There is sort of a comforting feeling when I visit and it probably reinforces a sense of connection more than anything else. . The caretaker there knows my name on sight (somehow) and it is always a positive experience for me...but I can't say that it eases any sense of loss or grief.
I visit my parents graves about once a year. Something inside of me tells me it's time to go there.
I stand and recite a prayer and most times I cry, as I miss them dearly.
I was the last of 4 children, and my parents married later in life, so at the time of their passing, I was still young (20 when Dad died and 35 when Mom passed).
Usually after leaving the grave site, I feel "cleansed".
So, in short, for me, this visit makes me feel better.
It's been 16 years since she died and I haven't seen her resting place because I was young when she passed and I was unable to visit her resting place. Plus she was buried back home which is continents away. I've been saving money to fly back home. I'm hoping visiting her resting place will give me closure
I'm trying to put this as kindly as possible, but keep in mind that "closure" is just something that happens in your head, and it's a fairly new concept. After 16 years, I doubt that this in particular would provide closure, but it's still a nice thing to do. And since closure is mental, you can, on some level, just decide to consider it closure. But, failing that, perhaps you might want to talk a little to a therapist about it. After our loved ones die, their true resting place is in our memories and in the way we mentally commune with them throughout our lives.
I'm trying to put this as kindly as possible, but keep in mind that "closure" is just something that happens in your head, and it's a fairly new concept. After 16 years, I doubt that this in particular would provide closure, but it's still a nice thing to do. And since closure is mental, you can, on some level, just decide to consider it closure. But, failing that, perhaps you might want to talk a little to a therapist about it. After our loved ones die, their true resting place is in our memories and in the way we mentally commune with them throughout our lives.
I've sometimes "needed" to do things because I felt as though I couldn't rest until I had. It's sort of like an itch that you can't quire reach and scratch. It's good when it works out, but a bit frustrating when it doesn't.
I attended my paternal grandmother's funeral, and have only been to her grave twice since. My father used to visit once in a while, but it was never a family event. He told me that he'd rather think of the many things that she did, and was.
I would think it would depend upon if you know yourself and the relationship well enough to have some understanding what "help" you are looking for.
I have a neighbor whose wife has been dead a decade now, I believe. Some days he goes to the cemetery with a folding chair and sits there. Knowing something about his relationship with her and their children I can understand his explanation of why he does this. On the other hand, I have visited the graves of a few relatives with whom the relationship was exhausted, and felt nothing more than I did looking at the scores of other graves on the hillside of people I never knew.
I am in cemeteries a lot taking photos for FindAGrave website. I am glad my late DH was cremated and scattered at sea. I think it would be too sad to have a grave to visit.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
