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Annotated photos of possible historical significance can be donated to historical societies. Record photos of individuals may be valuable to genealogists. Scanning is ideal, but if the job is overwhelming, set up a desk or table with good lighting and use the camera on your phone, with a handwritten note in the shot explaining the image. Check the first few to make sure the detail is acceptable, and then make short work of it. On lesser photos, put four or more in the same shot.
Scanners are slow, and most of them don't have the resolution of a current cell phone camera. The primary advantage of scanners are even lighting and lack of distortion. Almost every scanned photo I have done has required some post-process tweaking of gamma, scratch removal, or other repair anyway.
For stuff being tossed, a few items, such as artwork by the deceased, may be photographed before disposal. One curious thing I found interesting and worth keeping was a photo inventory of the contents of the house where I was raised, with the only reason those photos ever have been taken being for insurance purposes. There is something to be said for revisiting old stomping grounds with everything "in situ."
The primary advantage of scanners are even lighting and lack of distortion. Almost every scanned photo I have done has required some post-process tweaking of gamma, scratch removal, or other repair anyway.
DH was SO good at that but but took him a long time to process each photo. This reminded me of one I DID save; it was a picture of me with my siblings sitting on the front steps of our home. I was about 6 and am wearing a skirt and sitting with my white undies prominently displayed. Thank heaven for photo-editing software; I blurred that area thoroughly.
My Mom passed Oct 2017. My Dad passed Nov 2018. The lived in the house they bought in 1959 meaning almost 60 years of living in the same place.
The will was my brother, myself, and our children (2 each) splits in thirds with mine and his kids comprising 1/3 total. I was in charge of everything. I made it really simple. I told everyone to come by (all are local) and point out anything of meaning to them so they could take it. If two people wanted the same thing we discussed. After that it was rent a dumpster and get rid of it all (3 dumpsters full). I knew my parents had nothing of real monetary value.
Each of us took some stuff. I took tools, some electronics, a bed, a refrigerator. I kept all pictures (for now to deal with later) and sold the vehicles. The house is sold and now demolished with a new bigger one being built in its place.
As main executor all I wanted was to give those involved the opportunity to take what they wanted. In your case I would have simply said if you want the stuff come and take it, because whatever isn't taken is being dumped. That's what I said, and that's what I did. It all worked out fine. Who knows if I threw something away of value. I didn't care. I just wanted it all behind me.
Great advice.
I had gone through this about a decade ago with some great aunts and uncles, as well as family friends and neighbors. It was pretty overwhelming.
Many of these people in my life had no local family. One of the saddest cases I saw was my grandmother's next door neighbor of forty years. The wife came down with cancer and died a few years afterward. The husband couldn't do well on his own and went to assisted living, dying probably within the next year.
We're in rural east TN. They had one daughter in Atlanta, another in Nashville, and a son in New Hampshire who is an executive with a major fast food company. Only one of the daughters showed up, and the son had their church members came out for first dibs. The son called in Waste Management to bring out one of the long dumpsters. He said the neighbors could have what they wanted, and we took a few things - with that said, most of their stuff was hauled off in that dumpster.
I highly recommend the book "Rightsizing your life" by Ciji Ware; it's a little more practical than "Tidying Up", with a lot of suggestions on where to recycle, repurpose, etc. She's very good at addressing the emotional issues as well, and suggests that for large collections of something you take a few pieces you particularly treasure and get rid of the others. DH and I downsized in 2014 and went through a lot of it then.
My favorite tactic, even though it's a bit slow, is to list things as Free Stuff on Craigslist, put it at the end of the driveway, tell them first-come first-serve, and you'll delete the ad when it's gone. Sometimes the first person to arrive will take a bunch of totally disparate things you listed separately, but they're gone. You can make this work to your advantage. I had a bunch of assorted glassware and ash trays and listed them. No takers. I listed a turntable, a filing cabinet and put out the glassware, too. One person took it all.
DH died in late 2016 and I'm still getting rid of some of his things- will never let go of all of them, of course. The gin and brandy he liked had been sitting in our pantry for ages (including 3 mini-bottles of Bombay Sapphire) and I listed THOSE as Free Stuff. I'm a wine and scotch drinker so they weren't doing anyone any good. They were gone in less than an hour.
And you can resolve to find one or two things to throw out every day. I found THREE bottles of light corn syrup, one unopened. Two got pitched.
BTW, whatever your sister insists on keeping- give it to her and let HER store it.
I have done this CL/driveway idea as well. Sharing, clearing out, still good but not worth dickering on price, furniture, tall grasses, mulch, too many of one thing over time and already gave some away to f&f, collections of certain magazines, etc. I have come to asking for a name, any name they want to give themselves so if I put out a few things I promised different people each one will get what they asked for. I put a name on the item also made from recycled material. At one point there was a young couple with several kids who asked for several items and I wound up just contacting them first. The wife would come home from work after dark and I left the driveway light on for her and she'd swing by. Easy. Gratifying. Helpful to me and others.
He said the neighbors could have what they wanted, and we took a few things - with that said, most of their stuff was hauled off in that dumpster.
I don't know if it's necessarily sad, other than all of the additional stuff going into landfills. My perspective is that the things that were dumped may have added to the quality of their lives but they're gone now and they've served their purpose.
It does give you more perspective on acquiring and keeping things. I'm still de-cluttering, making sure to recycle or give away when possible, but I acquire very little now. It makes it much easier to keep the house clean, is better for the environment, cuts my spending and will leave less for DS and DDIL to clean out when my time comes, which I hope is many years from now.
I don't know if it's necessarily sad, other than all of the additional stuff going into landfills. My perspective is that the things that were dumped may have added to the quality of their lives but they're gone now and they've served their purpose.
It does give you more perspective on acquiring and keeping things. I'm still de-cluttering, making sure to recycle or give away when possible, but I acquire very little now. It makes it much easier to keep the house clean, is better for the environment, cuts my spending and will leave less for DS and DDIL to clean out when my time comes, which I hope is many years from now.
I've moved twice since I moved back to Tennessee in 2016. I've purged things each time. I had way too many clothes before my most recent move. I can't wear some of them. Some of them are dated. Some I impulse bought for a couple bucks at a thrift store or whatever.
There's only so much in the way of consumer goods most people need.
Hire a company that does estate sales. They'll sort, price, and sell, then arrange for the rest to be donated or whatever you want. They take a percentage, and it's worth it.
Other companies will empty a house for you.
A friend and her siblings hired a company to sort, clean and have an estate sale at their late mother's house. First each sibling took a few things of sentimental value or things they could use and then the company did the rest. The house was left completely empty, clean and ready to put on the market within a short period of time with no work by the adult children.
I don't think it would hurt anyone to have a once a year purge.
Hang in there OP. Only you know what you would want to have or not have. You could always keep one box of "I will consider later" items, if you don't want to hurt your sister's feelings.
My dad died in April and left behind three bank accounts, three vehicles, and a trailer. He didn't own any property and lived a seasonal existence where he shuttled back and forth winter and summer staying with friends or relatives. So his van and trailer contain everything he owned, which wasn't much. My sister and I are weeks into the task of sorting through, throwing away, donating to Goodwill, etc.
Two things:
1) I had a decent relationship with my dad but my sister did not. I spent a lot of time with him and she did not. I'm finding that my sister keeps urging me to hang on to certain items of sentimental value, when I really don't wish to - I have the memories, I don't need to keep the objects, particularly when they are worn out or not usable. "Don't throw it away - you'll be sorry!" No, I'm pretty sure I won't be. I generally take these items home and wash them properly in preparation for giving them to Goodwill (and that's my way of saying goodbye to them), but I just don't feel it's necessary to keep them. I wish she would stop telling me to keep them, but I don't want to offend her or make a scene.
the more serious thing is 2)...
2) I am becoming mentally overwhelmed by the consciousness of all the belongings and junk that my parents (and elderly aunt also) have collected which I will be responsible for getting rid of when the time comes (because they never ever think ahead about who's going to have to throw out these things). Furthermore, I come home and look around my place and now see only junk and objects (of my own) to be thrown away (not things I love or enjoy). I feel like I need to throw away everything and that every second of my day should be spent weeding and tossing and shredding my own stuff, when I'm not throwing out my dad's stuff. I find it hard to relax. I don't have any help (other than my sister with my dad's things) and probably won't have any help when my other relatives die. I feel like I am going to be throwing things away all day every day until I drop dead.
Making matters worse, I have a job at an library where we are now just doing nothing but throwing away old items to repurpose the space -- books, periodicals, scrap metal, desks, bookshelves, furniture -- my whole job has become arranging for these things to be taken away and it's getting deeply depressing when combined with my life circumstances right now.
Has anyone else been through this burden/obsession with throwing away obsolete things after a death in the family? I feel like I'm drowning in stuff, not just my dad's but also my own and all the stuff my other relatives have collected (and they don't even think about cleaning their own messes up). Everything looks junky and old, nothing is enjoyable any more. I feel like I just want to throw out the whole world. Does it get better?
Believe me, I have been through it, and now my own house is MORE cluttered because there were items that my parents and my husband's parents owned that we just couldn't bear to part with - or that we are holding for a sibling because they haven't been able (or willing) to come get it (Yeah, I'm looking at YOU, little brother!).
One thing for sure, sorting through a deceased loved one's belongings certainly gives one a new perspective on the whole thing.
My husband keeps saying, "I only want to buy things that the kids will fight over." HA!
By the way, for some perspective:
My only two siblings live out of state, and both of them have serious health issues as well, so the care and the estate settlement has all fallen to ME. When my dad died, my mother's dementia took off like a cat on fire. So I ended up having to take care of her, as well as facilitate selling their properties in order to finance her care though for awhile after my dad's death my mom was at least able to understand real estate and selling and investing. Still, she wasn't physically able to help me sort through any of the property.
They owned:
Three houses and a guest house and four barns and multiple outbuildings and over 100 acres in two different states. All these properties were fully furnished or full of stuff.
A business operating in two different states.
Numerous vehicles and trailers in two different states.
Multiple business and personal bank accounts including safe deposit boxes in two states.
So yeah - I can relate!
The good news is that now, though they are both gone, which is sad, my brothers and I have only one small tract of land with a barn and a guest house (both full of stuff) left. And yes, I will have to sort through all that, and then sell it, but after all the other stuff, this seems like next to nothing!
I wanted to say that I took the advice someone else has given, about "if it makes you smile, keep it - at least for awhile." I agree with that advice. I also believe that once you do that, you may find that after awhile you CAN emotionally let go of it.
One treasure that I found (one man's trash is another man's treasure, right?) was an old timey slide projector and a ton of slides, of family vacations, birthdays, etc. These were photos that were never in photo albums but I remember sitting around, with some Jiffy Pop popcorn, watching those slides, when I was a kid. Talk about a walk down memory lane! I ended up buying a screen and some slide holders because some of the slides were loose just in envelopes. It's cool to sit down on a cold winter evening and crank up that slide projector and force my grandkids to look at them - LOL.
Another treasure I found was two cassette tapes that I guess my parents had sent my grandfather instead of a letter - I remember when it was the cool thing to do, and I guess my dad found them when HE cleaned out his dad's house. Anyway, they were just chatter, and they were from the very early 70s, so my brother and I were just little kids, and our youngest brother was a baby. It was SO INTERESTING to hear the voices of my parents, and of my brothers and me, and I could hear us going in and out of the house, the door slamming, someone playing the piano - WOW, talk about a rush of memories!
But some things I kept for awhile, and then was able to let go of them. I just couldn't bear to immediately throw them out or give them away.
I just keep going through stuff and it gets easier and easier to continue to get rid of things. One thing I am REALLY tired of though is holding on to things for other people. Ironically, it's not my brother who is sick with cancer - in his case, out of state and very sick, I can understand the situation. But I'm holding on to stuff for my mentally ill brother. I am about to cart all that stuff up to the barn and property out of state and just tell him, "It's in the barn, go get it." I am sick to death of it.
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Thank heaven for photo-editing software; I blurred that area thoroughly.
