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I came home and found my husband dead in his truck. I had a lot to cope with including losing the farm and moving 1800mi away to live with my daughter. I too was thought to be calm.....until I woke up in the ER with my daughter screaming hysterical. She found me on the floor, unconscious, unresponsive to stimulus. Resuscitated x3. Heart Attack. Then I found a support group.
Yeah, as others have said. When I found my wife dead in our bed I did all the right things -- dragged her out of bed onto the floor to resuscitate her, called 911, calmly called my kids, her kids, my parents and close friends, scheduled services, picked out the casket, etc., etc. I don't think I did too much crying until after the services when everyone went back home and I had some time to myself. Then I cried daily for most of the next year. The first day that I made it through without crying was a day to celebrate. Of course I still cried the next day, but it was kinda special to make it all the way through a whole day without sobbing. That became more and more common for the next few years until I finally had a handle on it.
As others have pointed out, grief is an experience and an emotion which can vary wildly from person to person. Not everyone cries and some that do cry, feel less than the stoic. I never judge anyone on how they handle the passing of a human, a pet or anything in their life. Everyone is different.
I find the "behaviors" may not be in direct correlation to the persons emotional distraught. So no I'm not in the boat that "it's okay" no matter how obsurd the behavior is.
If ppl think it's okay to dance on the grave and set the house on fire as an homage to their burning love...then sorry folks it's not in the realm /category of grieving.
As to a person staying in their "home" after such a loss occurred. Why not? It's the "home is where the heart is" comfort.
My perception of the "stoic" thru loss ..is one of .. Hmmm. .are they indifferent/dismissive...or in the state of shock. ?
I recall when Jackie O set the precedence of "business as usual" when she loss JFK. The kids party commenced as planned and she held her head high at the ceremonies. What others called socially regal ...I to this day scratch my head going....Really? The kids lost their father and you wanted the " it's still your birthday kiddos", let's not let your Dad's death ruin your day.
If that's the normal in grief..then I did it in the Un normal way. Grief embraced me and sometimes suffocated. ..it sure didn't have balloons and the happy happy joyNess.
My girlfriend had been staying with a couple off and on for the last few months. She's known the man (37) since she moved to this area when she was 12 and the woman (41) since she was 18 and worked with her. The man and her father worked together as patrol officers with the county sheriff's department.
The man allegedly shot himself in a suicide either last Tuesday or Wednesday night. The wife was in the room at the time. The police haven't ruled out whether or not the wife was involved, but for now, no charges are pending. He shot himself in the bed in their bedroom.
After all this happened the other night, the wife stayed IN the house the night of the death. I found that extremely weird. Her husband supposedly committed suicide in their bed, and yet she's staying the house. She has family and other friends nearby.
She is rehoming the dogs that were "his." I also found this other to break the dogs up.
My girlfriend has been a mess since this happened. The wife has seemed incredibly calm the times I've been with my girlfriend when they were on FaceTime.
I found all the reactions odd from someone who has been through this.
My husband's father committed suicide. His parents were essentially estranged in the same house and didn't like each other. She did freak out upon finding him but she was pretty calm after that. Do you think everyone who has a spouse die in the their home doesn't stay in the house after that?
She stayed in the house after it happened. She also had to get rid of a pet of his because it attacked all women.
When I was a kid probably around 1981-83 found a dead body someone had committed suicide. My friend and I would ride our bikes to local liqueur store had video games. There was a notch in block wall where you could walk or ride a bike from our housing tract to back side of a strip center. It was a Sunday morning and we rode though that notch we saw a car parked behind the stores. Been going there for years never seen cars back there. It was a Buick late 70's the windows were all the way down. We rode up we saw someone he was laying over on his right side on the seat. I thought he was sleeping I said "mister are you okay". He didn't move I walked around looked though the windshield I could see his eyes were open weren't moving. I got a chill my friend looked though the other window said look there is a gun on the floor it was a .22 pistol. I knew he was dead skin was gray and there was a note on the seat at the top it said, "I'm sorry who ever finds me" in large bold letters there was more but we didn't touch it. We raced home my mother called the police they came to our house the officer had us go with them show them the car. They drove us home my mother took me to a Child therapist a few times but I wasn't really bothered too much about it. The guys wife came over a few months later talked to me she said he had always had problems with depression was a nice guy she was sorry I found him like that. She said nothing we could have done to help him since the police said he had been dead for several hours. She said he never came home from work she thought he might have gone to a friends house. I kind of got the feeling she felt released of him. She told us she was moving back to her home state on the east coast she had come to California in the 1970's for College met this man she lived here with her kid. I never met the kid he didn't come with her.
Last edited by kell490; 09-07-2019 at 01:14 AM..
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