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This is a sad time of the year for me. I lost my mom almost 4 years ago, yet sometimes...even though it's been a while, I think about things.
She had COPD. Was diagnosed in her 60's. She was ok for a spell, and when she couldn't do much, like walk 20 yards without huffing and puffing, she called on me to be her caregiver.
...which I happily obliged to do.
Everything was ok at first. She was still able to walk to my car without so much physical stress. But things got worse and worse. In her last days, she needed a wheelchair to get around, even though she was against them ("Once you get in one of those things, you DON'T GET OUT!" ) But I'll tell ya...I loved 'pushing her around', lol!
She finally had a suffering one evening. I had noticed her getting worse and worse as days wore on. I quit working part time in August of that year, because I KNEW that 'something' wasn't right. By November, she had a breathing 'episode'. It sent her to the hospital for 3 weeks. She had been a smoker for 65 years, and tried to quit during her life, several times. When she was in the hospital, she vowed to not smoke again...
Meanwhile, I had spoken to her doctor. I asked him, "How much time?" He said, "Three to six months".
I never cried so hard in my life.
Once she was released, she was released with Oxygen. She lit up a cigarette literally MOMENTS after she got home.
Okay. Mom...
Ten days later, I went food shopping. I was gone for 1/2 hour. When I came back, she was in the back of an ambulance...sedated. She ended up on life-support for two weeks. Had a tracheostomy. And stayed that way for the next few months.
She FINALLy got off life support. Was able to eat, talk, etc. But didn't have the physical strength to sustain her life. She was basically bedridden for the next few weeks...until she died.
Actually, she was home for about 48 hours. She was taken away because she was having some difficulty breathing. She was strong. He memory, was 'there'. She had an acuteness of intellect, even in her last moments...
But in her last moments, SHE didn't even believe that the moments she had...would be the last.
I went to visit her the night before she died. Told her I would "see her tomorrow". She couldn't speak, yet acknowledged me through her eyes.
Seven hours later, she passed...
I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to tell the nurse, "You must have the wrong patient"...yet, I knew it was true.
Just a month earlier, I had made her a Christmas dinner. Cornish hens (her favorite), potatoes, yams, stuffing...all of which she ate up with zeal. Brought her some Christmas gifts to boot...
Tthis wasn't a woman who would just...die...
Once she passed away, I had 2 weeks to move everything out of her apartment. She didn't leave much money behind, as she was living on Social Security. I basically had to scramble to move...live...
...which didn't turn out so great. I became homeless, as a result from not working when my mom was alive. I don't blame her for that by any means.
Even though I've been through a lot since her passing, I think to myself, that I never REALLY grieved her passing.
Losing moms suck. Lost mine July 30, 2018. Still miss her horribly. She got a mild uti and the antibiotic, Bactrim knocked out her kidneys in 3 days. 1 mo in hospital, 7 dialysis treatments, and when they went to put put in to do outpatient dialysis and go home, she went into A fib. Unresponsive for 12 hrs. Drs told me that if they keep her there to try to figure out why she went into A fib, shecwould need another dialysis, but didn't think she would survive it due to her heart. So i brought her home, and had hospice come in. She died 12 days later.
I'm sorry. Your post is so touching and I can see how much you loved your mom. I'm happy for you that you had such a great relationship with her; we who do have that have so much to be thankful for, though to me it doesn't mean that much since they're gone. For me I had an amazing relationship with my husband which not everyone does, but it doesn't mean much now.
Your mom reminds me of how my husband would need to smoke which had to be what caused his stroke; the doctors couldn't figure out anything else since his health numbers (blood pressure, pulse rate, cholesterol both good and bad) were all exceptional, stats which someone in their twenties and thirties of a very healthy person would have. He had a very minor stroke days before we were married which he completely recovered from. He tried to stop smoking, but even with Chantix which is supposed to be like the miracle drug to stop, he still couldn't do it.
I'm so grateful that my parents are still with me and that somehow I still have a good relationship with them (especially my mom); I say that because they really didn't care for my husband and that caused a bit of a rift between us for a time. It did get better as time went on and we were happily married, but my husband didn't live long enough for them to welcome him as really part of the family (like they have with my sister's husband).
I'm still living in Pennsylvania where I moved when I married my husband and I'm at a point in my life where I know any day now could be either of my parent's last--especially my dad because he has really bad kidney problems. I've been seriously considering moving back closer to be with my parents. I just started to look into transferring with my company and also applied at another. I'm just like, still not 100% certain. I just started with the company in May 2020 and like I'm so tired of up and leaving companies like this (with a transfer it wouldn't be leaving, but I'd still be leaving the market where they really are short of workers in my position right now; so it would be hard on my district manager). Last time was when I moved here I started with CVS in June 2016. Work conditions got so bad there (see the "lack of staff in the medical field" in current events forum), when I applied at another company and got an offer I went with them. That's the one I'm at now where I started in 5/2020.
So I don't even know if I'll be able to transfer with the company and the other it will depend on what the offer is, I think. But I feel more and more than if I do get an opportunity to be able to spend time with my parents while they're still here and I don't that I'll really regret it. I'm just bummed that I haven't heard from my company about the transfer--I was hoping it would be kind of quick since there was an opening right there for the exact same position I have now. But, they surely have lots of other people and likely went with someone else. Well, if nothing opens up I'm going to have to stay here. Was just hoping that it was meant for me to go there, but it could be that I'm supposed to be here. I keep praying about it.
Well, sorry for the long tangent. It's just been on my mind with my parents aging. And I know like even though there was that little rift between me and my mom that whenever she is not here I will be like so so very lonely. She is like my best friend really. Once I lost my husband. It's really tough for me to connect to people and I have like not-too-close friends, but I don't enjoy being comfortable around them. I feel like I have to be "on" and act a certain way. My mom's the only one left where I really just feel totally comfortable being around.
Thank you for sharing the story about your mom, Mink. I pray you will be comforted.
Dear Mink, You were a wonderful daughter to her, and she was blessed to have you. May God comfort you in your loss. Hold onto the good memories. I think of my Mom often...how beautiful she was and how smart. Sometimes I did not understand her or what she was meaning by what she said, but so many years later I "get her". She is a part of you and you are a part of her and always will be.
Losing moms suck. Lost mine July 30, 2018. Still miss her horribly. She got a mild uti and the antibiotic, Bactrim knocked out her kidneys in 3 days. 1 mo in hospital, 7 dialysis treatments, and when they went to put put in to do outpatient dialysis and go home, she went into A fib. Unresponsive for 12 hrs. Drs told me that if they keep her there to try to figure out why she went into A fib, shecwould need another dialysis, but didn't think she would survive it due to her heart. So i brought her home, and had hospice come in. She died 12 days later.
Thanks, Spott. I think that hearing other people's stories of loss helps me to process my own!
Dear Mink, You were a wonderful daughter to her, and she was blessed to have you. May God comfort you in your loss. Hold onto the good memories. I think of my Mom often...how beautiful she was and how smart. Sometimes I did not understand her or what she was meaning by what she said, but so many years later I "get her". She is a part of you and you are a part of her and always will be.
Thank you, Nancy. I feel the same way about my mom. She wasn't just 'smart', she was astute. Even at 82, she could argue with the strongest atheist...and win, LOL!
She didn't have the greatest upbringing, and I learned so much more about it while I was her caregiver. So, during that time, I "got her", too.
I'm grateful for the attributes I got from her. Still working on the ones I got from her...and don't want, LOL!
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Thank you, and thank you for your kind words. 
Still working on the ones I got from her...and don't want, LOL!
