How long does it take to deal with death of my father

[midatlantic12]

You may never get over it, and if you do, it'll likely take at least 5 years.

[Tinare]

I think there's something to the "pre-grieving" concept. My dad had deteriorated so greatly for years before he died that he used to wish to die. He was in pain and unhappy. A week before he died he had a mini-stroke which would have made it impossible for him to live at home. Going to a nursing facility would have been the final indignity and made him even more miserable. When he died it was almost a relief. Not really for us, but that he wasn't in pain and unhappy anymore. That his suffering had ended. He was also 83 and had his share of happy years too. It may have been different if he were younger. Even so, I had a weird delayed grieving. I was really fine for the first three months, then one day, I fell apart a little. It only lasted a week or so, but I kind of experienced missing him late. I think my heart took a while to catch up to my head, and then my head finally won out and I was at peace again. Or something...

Anyway, everyone grieves in their own way. The circumstances surrounding someone's death can impact the way you feel as well. There's no "right" answer or set timeframe for these things.

[WestCobb]

Originally Posted by Raena77

My father died in 1999 at the age of 52. It took me 6 years to stop crying when I talked about it. 10 yrs to realize it wasn't my fault. Bring up happy times. "Remember when dad did this silly thing?" "Or when dad got so pissed when I did this?" Laugh about it. See his grave when you are sad. Place stuff on it every holiday like you are experiencing it with him. Talk to him. He is always around you. He will laugh with you when you do stupid things. And want to be happy. Fight the sadness. Life is short,always remember, your journey needs to go on. When it is done you will be with him again.

My dad died in 1996 at the age of 52 Raena. I never have recovered from it. I think about him daily. I am sure if I live to be 99, I will think about him on the last day of my life. It quit hurting after a few years though. By 2000, it got to the point where I could think about him without feeling a profound sense of loss and grief.

[FNP24]

I am still dealing with my father's death. He died nearly 21 years ago....It never goes away.....

[Kim46741974]

Originally Posted by Aptor hours

My father passed away Feb. 9 and I still am not over it Does it get better. I know this is not a unique situation since most people will have to deal with this and my father was to young at 68 to die and gave his all to myself and brother and sister. It almost seems like I am getting worse. The first week after he passed I just truly felt like he would be home next week and he was just away. I have been having mild anxiety attacks and I cannot think of my Dad without tears. I feel guilty for not calling my Mom more since she is sooo sad at losing him. How does one handle all this

I'm so sorry for your loss. My father is in end stage lung cancer right now and he's 67 so close to your dad's age. We have always been very close and I'm having a terrible time dealing with it, though it has been several years and I have come to terms with it a bit. I still have times where the thought of what's to come makes me break down and I have no doubt that when it happens it will be a punch in the gut. He's really starting to suffer though so when he's gone I think it will be a mixture of relief and grief; I will be glad he's not suffering but a big part of my life will be gone. Take as long as you need to grieve but make sure you keep your daily activities; go to work, see your friends, do the things you enjoy, etc. And get some exercise every day, it's very theraputic. Remember the great person he was and be thankful you had him.

[NativeNYCer]

I lost my mom in Nov, and I think about her all the time. My heart hurts from missing her. She was young too, only 68. And her illness came from having a broken heart. She became so depressed that she stopped taking care of herself. There was nothing that we (her kids) could do to make her see what a wonderful woman she was. She wanted that love from my dad. Now she is gone and a part of me is ok with it only because she was so sad, and she didn't want to be here anymore. I try to tell myself that she's happy now. Only now I'm sad. I know i will never get over my mom's death, but that i will just learn how to live with it because i have to.

[lovesthebass]

I dread the day I lose one of my parents.

I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through.

[dr74]

Directed towards the OP..
My goodness my heart goes out to you!
I am the worst person to speak on these types of things since I am extremely closeto my mother and father, the thought of them passing gets me physically ill, I get a tightness in my chest and a sense of panic.
Funny I should see this thread tonight.

My father is 67 and within 3 weeks we have lost 2 very close family friends.2 great family men whose children I grew up with. The first loss was semi expected, this good man had battled with dm1 for abut 20 years and he was very ill about 5 months prior ( He passed Feb14) I know vday.
I was close to them and his kids, we grew up together and to attend the funeral made me realize the mortality of my own parents.
The other death is very knew 2 days ago and very unexpected.
My dad was devastated since this man was in his "group" in HS. he passed in his sleep during a family trip to a casino to a heart attack.
His son ( My dad's godson) came to my mothers home yesterday to inform us of his fathers passing so his "nino" did not read it in the paper which would have killed him.
My mother looked at this man ( 42) stating through tears "My daddy died and I wanted nino, you and the girls to know" and broke down in tears..this wrought iron military man whom has done 4 tours in Afghanistan and Iraq and was on medical leave as of late.
ONE MONTH isnot nearly enough time to get through this. denial and pushing it to the back of your head as well as letting the numbness overtake you is normal.
It took my mother 5 years to be back to she was after my grandmother passed away. my gma was 56
I have a co worker whose son was killed 5 years ago ( Feb 21st) she stated you never really get over it, you just learn to live between the grief. She has been teary eyed and we knew why 2 weeks ago. She talks about him all the time and reflects on the past often. She stated someone had the audacity to tell her "5 years?" "You should not be like this, let him go"
But honestly? It is easier said than done!
How do you tell someone to get over something like this or when they are going to get better?
The loss of a child or a parent? These are unbreakable bonds that will never be broken due to death.
I asked my co-worker how she got over it?
She stated "You don't you just live in between the grief" "You go from crying everyday until you have a day that you do not cry" "This is how you start" "But then a memory can bring the flood of pain back and you need to allow it" You just give it time.
Again I am so sorry for your loss please believe this and give yourself time to feel whatever you need to, call your mom, rejoice in his memory, do it together"

[Just1Fan]

Sorry about your father, but I can relate. I lost my dad in 1999, when he was 69 years old. He was my best friend and I will never get over him. Just typing this is hard for me. Sometimes I hear a certain song, or think about the times we shared, and I can't control the water works. It's strange, I think about him everyday, but I don't cry very often. The thing that surprises me, is I don't have control of when I'm going to cry, i.e. it just comes from nowhere. Like one time when I was at work. I heard a song on the radio, started singing the lyrics, and it kinda reminded me of him. The next thing I knew, I was singing and painting, with tears rolling down my face. I gotta admit, it did feel good though. The song is "Here Today, and Gone Tomorrow" by Earth, Wind, and Fire.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WamJ3NaRWs

[vwilliams678]

I am so sorry to hear about your lost. This may sound stupid but I thought I was the only one feeling like this besides my family. First I lost my grandma and then my mom in nov. Someone here said it never. I know I will never get over it until I see them again. I do notice I don't cry everyday for my grandma now. But I still do for my mom. I believe you just go on and your life with never be the same without her, but remember she would not want you to be sad like that and she would want you to be happy. It would make her be sad if you did not enjoy your life. You just lost her so you have to grief. You are not alone.