How long does it take to deal with death of my father - Grief and Mourning -Bereavement, healing - Page 6 - City-Data Forum

Cherie Tebo · 09-20-2010, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aptor hours

My father passed away Feb. 9 and I still am not over it

Does it get better. I know this is not a unique situation since most people will have to deal with this and my father was to young at 68 to die

and gave his all to myself and brother and sister. It almost seems like I am getting worse. The first week after he passed I just truly felt like he would be home next week and he was just away. I have been having mild anxiety attacks and I cannot think of my Dad without tears

. I feel guilty for not calling my Mom more since she is sooo sad at losing him. How does one handle all this

You never get over it.Right now I'm mourning the passing of my older brother who only passed on over a week ago and I'll never forget him just like I'll get over the loss of my parents and a older sister and they passed away years ago.

Mathguy · 09-20-2010, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aptor hours

My father passed away Feb. 9 and I still am not over it

Does it get better. I know this is not a unique situation since most people will have to deal with this and my father was to young at 68 to die

and gave his all to myself and brother and sister. It almost seems like I am getting worse. The first week after he passed I just truly felt like he would be home next week and he was just away. I have been having mild anxiety attacks and I cannot think of my Dad without tears

. I feel guilty for not calling my Mom more since she is sooo sad at losing him. How does one handle all this

My advice is that your father would want for you to think of his memory and have joy and not sadness. This is why I do not recognize the date of my late wifes death but rather her birthday.

I know it hurts but he musta been one helluva guy and so you should rejoice in that.

If you are feeling down, go do something he would have liked you to do or that is fun for him or you. Like if you liked movies, rent a funny movie or buy an ice cream from a shop you used to go to or whatever.

malamute · 09-20-2010, 09:01 PM

You never get over it except that you're forced to just go on.

Time heals the wounds to some extent, you get used to them being gone but then when you least expect it, something reminds you of them, or there's something you wish you could talk to them about, or you thought you were okay and then some holiday it hits you that they're gone.

The only thing - it's okay because your memories are your way of holding onto them, carrying them with you the rest of your life. After a while you realize you don't ever want to get over them.

Mikala43 · 09-20-2010, 09:06 PM

This reminds me of a question submitted to Miss Manners on how to get their father to show an interest in life and making decisions after his wife of 50 years died.... a week earlier.

Depending on the relationship, and all kinds of other things.. bereavement takes as long as it takes.

I mean if a year passed and you still broke down and cried once a day.. ok.. maybe some professional help...

felishaw21 · 03-09-2012, 09:37 AM

I don't know how long it takes I lost my father last year I guest it does I eating again but its still pretty hard.

robertpolyglot · 03-09-2012, 11:38 AM

I'm not trying to sound cold. My Dad was sick with heart related ailments and I saw his health decline for about 6 years. All the calibrations of medicines, all the nights that my Mom would stay up to walk him to the bathroom, etc. I was living about 3 hours away and saw him 2 weeks before Easter. From his condition, I knew it was the last time I'd see him and processed that. I then got a call at work, not from my Mom who was real out of sorts, but from one of her best friends. I knew what the call would be about. Driving out-of-town for the funeral was surreal. The day of the funeral was tough. But I got over it fairly soon, because of all the time to pre-grieve.

rlrl · 03-09-2012, 11:45 AM

I know what you mean by pre-grieve. I had 18 years from the time my mom was diagnosed in 1993 to her passing in 2011, to prepare. dad was diagnosed in 2003 and i had 5 years(he passed in 2008) to prepare as well.

WestCobb · 03-09-2012, 12:08 PM

Pre-grieve is a useful concept. I had six months from the time my dad was diagnosed until his death. That took years to recover from. My mom was sick for 10 years before her death. That made it easier.

OP, are you still around? I hope you're doing ok. Now is around the time I would expect the wounds in your heart to be scarred over enough for it not to hurt so much.

MaggieZ · 03-09-2012, 12:30 PM

all you do is learn to accept it and live with it. there's no closure, no giving it a place...that's such BS...How much time grieving takes is depending on you and the relationship you had, whether it was close or not, if there were unfinished things that you have to deal with or not, etc,..Don't let anyone put a timeframe on it and don't you do it either. It is what it is. be patient with yourself

Raena77 · 03-09-2012, 12:44 PM

My father died in 1999 at the age of 52. It took me 6 years to stop crying when I talked about it. 10 yrs to realize it wasn't my fault. Bring up happy times. "Remember when dad did this silly thing?" "Or when dad got so pissed when I did this?" Laugh about it. See his grave when you are sad. Place stuff on it every holiday like you are experiencing it with him. Talk to him. He is always around you. He will laugh with you when you do stupid things. And want to be happy. Fight the sadness. Life is short,always remember, your journey needs to go on. When it is done you will be with him again.