Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In Victorian times (and even before) it was expected that a widow would wait one year before accepting social engagements. But this period was actually to insure there was no pregnancy which would come into to play inheritance. Since then, waiting a year is the typicial advise. There is nothing magical about 12 mos. but people usually get past many of the first year markers - i.e. the first birthday since the death, the first holiday, etc.
There are 7 stages of grief. (Some theories say 5 some say up to 12 stages.) It's important that each stage is resolved before a person can arrive a the final stage, acceptance. At that point, one can move on. It's often said that one can "get over" a death. In some cases such as the death of a parent or a life partner it's not a matter of "getting over it" but finding acceptance. There is no set time frame for this to happen.
In Victorian times (and even before) it was expected that a widow would wait one year before accepting social engagements. But this period was actually to insure there was no pregnancy which would come into to play inheritance. Since then, waiting a year is the typicial advise. There is nothing magical about 12 mos. but people usually get past many of the first year markers - i.e. the first birthday since the death, the first holiday, etc.
There are 7 stages of grief. (Some theories say 5 some say up to 12 stages.) It's important that each stage is resolved before a person can arrive a the final stage, acceptance. At that point, one can move on. It's often said that one can "get over" a death. In some cases such as the death of a parent or a life partner it's not a matter of "getting over it" but finding acceptance. There is no set time frame for this to happen.
Yes, even after acceptance though you can have issues and stress just through the new situation that you find yourself in. (Single parenthood, new relationships, financial ramifications of spouses death, blah blah blah)
Some people might lump this up and say you aren't over you late spouse when in reality you are dealing with OTHER stresses.
I personally reached acceptance perhaps 4-5 months after my spouses death probably because it was obviously going to happen that year just wasn't sure when.
I once dated a terminally ill person for 4 months. His family didnt want to take care of him so they just ignored him and wouldnt even go visit. They all lived in another town and would say that they were too busy. Since he had liver cirrhosis, he hardly had any friends at all because he wasnt social. When I first met him he was very charming and I couldnt tell he was sick. He told me right away though and I figured he would be fine.
3 months into the relationship he was always tired and most of the time when i would visit he was asleep. He was such a dear though, when I would go see him daily he wouldnt take his morphine just so he could be awake until I left. I didnt know until he kept asking me things like what time I had to leave and such. Thats when he finally told me that he was withholding the painkillers so he could be awake when I was there.
Suddenly he started getting really bad and was in and out of the hospital. Thats when his family took him out of town with them. 17 days laters he died alone at night in a hospice room. His family was unaware that he was so bad off. I knew that he was because I saw his disease progress. And 2 days before his death he told me on the phone that he thought he might die soon. I told him I loved him. Thats the last time I talked to him because his last days he couldnt even answer the phone anymore.
Even though I mourned his loss, I also felt relief for him. I felt that now he wasnt going to suffer anymore and in some sense this helped me.
A month later I began dating again , but he will always be a special person in my heart.
I remember many years ago we had an old locksmith in our town who could do anything, fix anything. He lived in a worn old house with his very old wife who was in poor condition. He took care of her as though she was the reigning Queen of Sheba. One day she died. He was gone less than a week later, even though hale and hearty just a month before going about his locksmithing business as ever he had done, after the loss of his wife he lived less than a month. I remember them still, some thirty years later.....the two of them together attached for eternity. He couldn't live without her.
Right now I am a gardener for a beautiful property, a retirement home. I was working last week around the patio of one of the residents when she came out and told me that her husband had passed away last October at 98 years old and how she had cautioned him not to stretch as far as to fill the bird feeder anymore and how they'd raised their children up the street in a house they'd bought in 1947......she said she was only 90 and younger than he, but I could see that she was consumed by a tremendous sadness. Even though she is lucid and healthy now, in all honesty I don't expect to see her last much longer. Her partner in life for 60+ years is gone, and she is alone. I think her apartment will be empty before long. She will not do well without him.
The partnerships we make in life mean everything.
I have been married nearly 23 years--not so long. But in the abscence of my husband I would wither. We are now joined at the hip. I need him and he needs me and without each other we are only half a pair of legs, not enough to walk. We cannot live without each other anymore.
I once dated a terminally ill person for 4 months. His family didnt want to take care of him so they just ignored him and wouldnt even go visit. They all lived in another town and would say that they were too busy. Since he had liver cirrhosis, he hardly had any friends at all because he wasnt social. When I first met him he was very charming and I couldnt tell he was sick. He told me right away though and I figured he would be fine.
3 months into the relationship he was always tired and most of the time when i would visit he was asleep. He was such a dear though, when I would go see him daily he wouldnt take his morphine just so he could be awake until I left. I didnt know until he kept asking me things like what time I had to leave and such. Thats when he finally told me that he was withholding the painkillers so he could be awake when I was there.
Suddenly he started getting really bad and was in and out of the hospital. Thats when his family took him out of town with them. 17 days laters he died alone at night in a hospice room. His family was unaware that he was so bad off. I knew that he was because I saw his disease progress. And 2 days before his death he told me on the phone that he thought he might die soon. I told him I loved him. Thats the last time I talked to him because his last days he couldnt even answer the phone anymore.
Even though I mourned his loss, I also felt relief for him. I felt that now he wasnt going to suffer anymore and in some sense this helped me.
A month later I began dating again , but he will always be a special person in my heart.
Very touching story and thanks for sharing
You did something so beautiful
People like you and your life stories keep me on CD
do you mean really hurt or put on the act?
many secretly pray for the death those close to them.
Statements like this bring us closer Huck. (joking)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
(joking)
