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Oh geez, not the whole you owe me for having you crap again.......Giving birth doesn't automatically mean one deserves love or respect from their kids. If I found out my biological parents were dead I'd say good riddance. My biological parents were extremely abusive. I, literally, almost starved to death because they couldn't be bothered to feed me. I'd give them nothing but my middle finger.
I'm sorry to hear that!!!!! I had a GF that was abused by her parents and so where her other siblings. Even though I was never raised like that, it makes me VERY angry!
To get back on topic, I think there is no ethical responsibility to attend a funeral. What ethical principle is in question? Beneficence? Non-maleficence? Social justice? I think the principle we are most concerned with here, from a strictly ethical point of view, is autonomy. If we honor that principle, there is no imperative to attend the funeral.
It is easy to confuse morals and ethics. Morals are generally culturally or religiously prescribed (a family is a culture). Ethics are more universal. Although there will always be debate about which principle should prevail, and which school of thought should guide us in thought and decision making, ultimately we are on our own.
To get back on topic, I think there is no ethical responsibility to attend a funeral. What ethical principle is in question? Beneficence? Non-maleficence? Social justice? I think the principle we are most concerned with here, from a strictly ethical point of view, is autonomy. If we honor that principle, there is no imperative to attend the funeral.
It is easy to confuse morals and ethics. Morals are generally culturally or religiously prescribed (a family is a culture). Ethics are more universal. Although there will always be debate about which principle should prevail, and which school of thought should guide us in thought and decision making, ultimately we are on our own.
Sorry. Ethics are the moral principles that define a group's behavior and a family--as a group--has responsibility to one another. A funeral is a defining event in the life of a family, from an emotional, legal, and financial standpoint. Regardless of how you feel about the deceased, simply absenting yourself while the remaining siblings shoulder the load of the decision making, the arrangements, the legal decisions, etc. etc., is simply irresponsible and self-centered. Unless you believe you are the center of the universe, then making decisions based purely on your personal convenience are deeply unethical for the long-term harm and inconvenience they cause to others.
Even when the dying try to be conscientious and plan their funerals, there are a huge number of things to be done to tie up the loose ends, from the disposition of property, to the decisions on executing the will, preparing the property for sale, the emptying of rental space, etc. etc., ad infinitum. To simply say, "Golly, I just don't feel like going to Mom's funeral because she missed my dance recitals when I was young" means you are dumping a huge load of work on the siblings who have to, as a result, take up your slack.
Having dealt with the aftermath of many a funeral, I can tell you it's not simply a matter of attending a church service and leaving. So my advice remains the same. If the fact that your parent deserves some respect is not enough, then go for the people who are left behind. Anything less is an abdication of your responsibility to those people you supposedly care about.
Your mom has terminal brain cancer and they're upset that your sister won't be at the funeral?
Sounds like she has reason to stay away.
It's none of their business if she wants to attend or not. I doubt I will attend my mother's funeral, if she dies first. She doesn't even speak to me or my kids - why should I attend her funeral? JMHO
"In matters of the heart, it's not important who is right." Kindness is most important. And how do we know that the sister won't come around and be there after the funeral? We really don't know anything, so without this knowledge who is anyone to judge? This is definitely not the time for that.
All of us have a unique story to tell be it good or bad, your generalizing and filling in blanks with assumptions.
You have to put your own opinion aside long enough to get some clarity from another standpoint and life experience.
I could say much more, but you wouldn't listen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Sorry. Ethics are the moral principles that define a group's behavior and a family--as a group--has responsibility to one another. A funeral is a defining event in the life of a family, from an emotional, legal, and financial standpoint. Regardless of how you feel about the deceased, simply absenting yourself while the remaining siblings shoulder the load of the decision making, the arrangements, the legal decisions, etc. etc., is simply irresponsible and self-centered. Unless you believe you are the center of the universe, then making decisions based purely on your personal convenience are deeply unethical for the long-term harm and inconvenience they cause to others.
Even when the dying try to be conscientious and plan their funerals, there are a huge number of things to be done to tie up the loose ends, from the disposition of property, to the decisions on executing the will, preparing the property for sale, the emptying of rental space, etc. etc., ad infinitum. To simply say, "Golly, I just don't feel like going to Mom's funeral because she missed my dance recitals when I was young" means you are dumping a huge load of work on the siblings who have to, as a result, take up your slack.
Having dealt with the aftermath of many a funeral, I can tell you it's not simply a matter of attending a church service and leaving. So my advice remains the same. If the fact that your parent deserves some respect is not enough, then go for the people who are left behind. Anything less is an abdication of your responsibility to those people you supposedly care about.
All of us have a unique story to tell be it good or bad, your generalizing and filling in blanks with assumptions.
You have to put your own opinion aside long enough to get some clarity from another standpoint and life experience?
I could say much more, but you wouldn't listen.
No, I really don't have to in this situation. There are gray areas in life where life experiences provide different clues to how one should behave, and then there are things in life that are non-negotiable because there is only one responsible thing to do.
Blowing off your mom's funeral and leaving the other siblings to deal with both her death and the aftermath is simply unconscionable. Who cares if this wasn't the perfect mother?
I do not believe funerals are for the dead. It's for those of us still standing.
Sometimes when the head of the family passes, it's a way for the survivors to establish a relationship going forward.
Other times it's a way to grieve with a common purpose.
Either way is ok.
If the sister doesn't want to be a part of the process, so be it. Her mom won't miss her, the siblings will. Maybe someday she will regret her decision, maybe not.
Mixed on this but, it is a peronal thing.You are lucky to have a lot of siblings, in a mall family like mine all behavior was scrutinized at my Moms funeral; I don't think the funeral should really be for the survivors, its the final goodbye for the dear departed (I loved my Mom like a twin sister).....I still visit her grave on the anniversary of her death which was 26 years ago.
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.......Giving birth doesn't automatically mean one deserves love or respect from their kids. If I found out my biological parents were dead I'd say good riddance. My biological parents were extremely abusive. I, literally, almost starved to death because they couldn't be bothered to feed me. I'd give them nothing but my middle finger.
