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It hasn't been mentioned yet, but if you are strictly looking for home defense, I would suggest considering a shotgun.
It is simple to operate, intimidating as hell, and harder to shoot yourself with than a handgun. It will take less training to become proficient at close range and will be less dangerous to people on the other side of a wall or next door if you miss. You can still hurt someone by accident, don't get me wrong, but it will take more effort.
If you insist on handguns, then I would recommend at least a 9mm or .40, a .45 would be better for you, but the 9 or .40 would be better for your wife and son. A .380 is fine for personal defense or conceal carry, but is a very minimum caliber to stopping a person. Even a 9mm or .40 sometimes can take several rounds to stop a determined or drug enhanced aggressor. A single 12 gauge shot is normally more effective than any handgun, even a .45.
It hasn't been mentioned yet, but if you are strictly looking for home defense, I would suggest considering a shotgun.
It is simple to operate, intimidating as hell, and harder to shoot yourself with than a handgun. It will take less training to become proficient at close range and will be less dangerous to people on the other side of a wall or next door if you miss. You can still hurt someone by accident, don't get me wrong, but it will take more effort.
If you insist on handguns, then I would recommend at least a 9mm or .40, a .45 would be better for you, but the 9 or .40 would be better for your wife and son. A .380 is fine for personal defense or conceal carry, but is a very minimum caliber to stopping a person. Even a 9mm or .40 sometimes can take several rounds to stop a determined or drug enhanced aggressor. A single 12 gauge shot is normally more effective than any handgun, even a .45.
I agree with everything but the highlighted section. Why would you assume a .45 is better for anyone new to firearms, even if he is 200+ pounds? A firearm that one can shoot well is the firearm one should use, and most people, especially new shooters, will shoot better with a smaller caliber.
This is not a caliber pissing contest, but only the facts. The advantage .45 has had over 9mm for the majority of both calibers' lifetimes has been diminished greatly with modern loads.
I'd like the OP to present more background information. What experience do you have with firearms? Knowing this information, the replies we could give you would do you more good.
My intention is for my family to take classes together, and to also go to the shooting train and practice.
The users will be myself, wife and 13 year old son.
I want everyone to be trained, just in case. What if they need it , and I am not around?
Basic handgun safety, marksmanship and advanced lessons are important. Next, one must to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol when using it; even pain medications like narcotics. Get an NRA instructor for these.
I don't know the size of your wife or son. Semiautomatics can be harder to handle in terms of cycling the slide. Reliability can be an issue if one limp wrists a gun. Smaller Semiautos are finicky with ammo. Full sized service weapons can be too big for the average individual. However, a solid choice for people are the Beretta 92 FS, Glock 19 or Springfield XD series in a 9mm.
Revolvers are great for less experienced people but barrels less than 4" can be a bear to handle. Additionally, shooting in double action is a challenge for most people. It takes a lot of work. Single action is dangerous for anyone so stay away from it.
The minimum effective calibers are 9mm and 38 special. Calibers are always and always will be subjects of debate.
Shotguns are great. They take skill to handle. Short stroking can be an issue. Recoil can be onerous. A good choice would be a 20 gauge pump. I use a 12 gauge myself. I only use 00 12 gauge or number 1 buckshot. Birdshot has limited penetration and is ineffective to stop a person.
Lastly, you need to have a secure method of storage. Not doing so is a liability and a lethal error. The trade off is accessibility, though. Only you can decide upon that.
For home defense, a full-size pistol is an excellent choice, assuming those who may need to shoot it can comfortably grip the pistol for maximum control. Considering that fact that you have a 13 year old boy, you need to figure out if his hand is big enough first.
For a shooter with smaller hands, I would recommend a 9mm pistol.
I have a small caliber handgun, a .22 revolver. I also have a .357 Magnum. For defensive semi-automatic calibers, I have a 9mm, and a .45 ACP. All of these calibers are (compact) pistols suitable for concealed carry. Perfect for a girl like me.
Everyone has their preferences which will influence their suggestions. I've also seen some inaccurate information in this thread.
I'm not a fan of any gun that is to be used for self defense that has any sort of contraption that requires multiple actions in order to be used. In other words, an external safety, a hammer that must be cocked, a trigger lock that's built into the gun (unless you leave it unlocked and put the key away), etc. A defense weapon should be "point and shoot." In that kind of situation, when your adrenaline is pumping and you may be somewhat panicked, a simple oversight such as forgetting to flip the safety can cost you your life.
My suggestions (which are naturally influenced by my preferences) would be a hammerless revolver or a striker fired (no external hammer) pistol (semi-auto). Some ideas:
Ruger LCR in .38 special. Pros: It's very lightweight, no external safety or hammer, suitable for carrying concealed if you decide to do that later on, reliable, high quality. Cons: Only holds five rounds, reload time.
Springfield XDS in .45 acp. They also make this in a 9mm now, but they're hard to find. Pros: Small for a .45, no external safety or hammer, suitable for carrying concealed, very accurate, reliable, high quality, .45 caliber (a very popular defense round), recoil is manageable for a .45. Cons: Recoil may still be too high for the wife/kids, price may be higher than what you want to spend, magazine capacity.
Glock XX (pick a model). Glocks are known for their reliability, and it's a reputation that's well deserved. Pros: Reliable, lightweight, no external safety or hammer, high quality, very easy to field strip for cleaning, eats just about any ammo you feed it without a problem, many models to choose from. Cons: May not be comfortable for people with small hands, lightweight guns can tend to have strong recoil.
Most gun ranges rent guns. I suggest you visit your local range and try out a lot of guns to see what you like. Spend some decent money to try out a good variety - don't just shoot two and pick the one you liked the best. Note the qualities you did or didn't like about each gun. Get on forums specific to shooting and get more feedback about those specific features or models you liked.
Everyone has their preferences which will influence their suggestions. I've also seen some inaccurate information in this thread.
I'm not a fan of any gun that is to be used for self defense that has any sort of contraption that requires multiple actions in order to be used. In other words, an external safety, a hammer that must be cocked, a trigger lock that's built into the gun (unless you leave it unlocked and put the key away), etc. A defense weapon should be "point and shoot." In that kind of situation, when your adrenaline is pumping and you may be somewhat panicked, a simple oversight such as forgetting to flip the safety can cost you your life.
My suggestions (which are naturally influenced by my preferences) would be a hammerless revolver or a striker fired (no external hammer) pistol (semi-auto). Some ideas:
Ruger LCR in .38 special. Pros: It's very lightweight, no external safety or hammer, suitable for carrying concealed if you decide to do that later on, reliable, high quality. Cons: Only holds five rounds, reload time.
Springfield XDS in .45 acp. They also make this in a 9mm now, but they're hard to find. Pros: Small for a .45, no external safety or hammer, suitable for carrying concealed, very accurate, reliable, high quality, .45 caliber (a very popular defense round), recoil is manageable for a .45. Cons: Recoil may still be too high for the wife/kids, price may be higher than what you want to spend, magazine capacity.
Glock XX (pick a model). Glocks are known for their reliability, and it's a reputation that's well deserved. Pros: Reliable, lightweight, no external safety or hammer, high quality, very easy to field strip for cleaning, eats just about any ammo you feed it without a problem, many models to choose from. Cons: May not be comfortable for people with small hands, lightweight guns can tend to have strong recoil.
Most gun ranges rent guns. I suggest you visit your local range and try out a lot of guns to see what you like. Spend some decent money to try out a good variety - don't just shoot two and pick the one you liked the best. Note the qualities you did or didn't like about each gun. Get on forums specific to shooting and get more feedback about those specific features or models you liked.
I've found 9mm Glock pistols (and other polymer guns) to be quite manageable for most people, except for with the harshest of hot loads.
As many good advices posted above about responsible gun ownership, the next thing is to decide what is best for you & your family. On this one, only you & your family can decide.
1. Caliber. First you should decide on what is the appropriate home defense handgun caliber. In general, I can recommend .38 spcl (incl. +P), 9mm (incl. +P), .40S&W and .45 ACP. I think the first 2 choices are good for you, considering your wife & young son will be using it as well. Both have low recoil which is good for beginners (not to develop bad shooting habit).
I do NOT recommend magnum calibers including the .357 magnum for home defense due to the big flash, loud noise, and high recoil in an enclosed environment such as inside of your house in the dark. Chances are you will be blinded by the flash therefore not able to make the follow-up shot, can't hear because your ears are still ringing from the blast, could not hit the target because of the excitment and high recoil, etc., you get the idea. But revolvers that shoot the .357 magnum also shoot the .38 spcl. such as the S&W 586/ 686, Ruger GP 100, etc., so you can shoot the .38 spcl and eventually shoot the .357 magnum.
2. Revolver vs. Semi-auto. This is a highly personal preference so you'll have to decide for yourself & your family. Many women including my wife do not like semi-autos because "the slide moves". So you'll need to bring them to a shooting range and rent different guns to try out to see which one meets everyone's preference.
My suggestion is to pick the one that you, your wife, & your son can hit the target with. Many like semi-autos because they carry more rounds, but that doesn't do any good if your wife does not like it, therefore do not practice with it, hence can't hit worth the darn to save her life. Likewise with a snub nose revolver which brings to my next point.
3. Choose as LARGE of a gun as you & your family can comfortable hold & shoot. RESIST the temptation to buy "small" guns because they look cute, can conceal-carry, etc. Small guns are the most difficult to shoot well because of Newton's 2nd law, it is light so the recoil will be higher so it is much harder to shoot accurately. This is a HOME DEFENSE handgun. You don't have to hide inside your pants pocket. But you'll need to learn to shoot accurately if God-forbid in case you find yourself needing to use it one day. If sometime down the road you're interested in a CCW gun, then shop for a separate gun.
4. Buy Quality & Reliability. Don't buy a gun because it is cheap. Buy a gun because it fits your hand and you can shoot well with it. Buy the guns that are known for their quality & reliability. Eventually you will spend more on ammo than the price of your gun, so buy one that will last & you can pass it down to your children.
Finally there are many online gunshops you can browse and many online forums you can ask questions (including this one), so be prepare for a journey of learning & shopping. Ask lots of questions. Happy shopping!
What some of the above posters have alluded to is a revolver is a great choice for a person that is not a regular shooter. But not just any revolver will do. You are looking for a double action revolver, not a single action. Double action means pull the trigger, the cylinder turns and when the hammer falls it goes off if it's loaded. A single action like an old Colt requires it to be cocked with every shot. In regards to the chambering, a 357 or a 38 special are plenty good. Folks have found in the last couple of years that ammo shortages can be an issue, like 380acp as an example. With the ability to shoot both cartridges, a 357 makes more sense. BUT, I strongly suggest going to a shooting range and renting different pistols and buy the one that fits all of you and that all of you are comfy with. A 22LR can be extremely loud in a room or house and may be enough gun for you. Above all though, make sure everybody understands, when the gun comes out, it's because you are going to use it. You do not threaten anybody with it. You do not display it thinking a perp will be scared of you or expect to find yourself on the wrong end of your own gun. And unless you expect to train every weekend, avoid any semiauto pistol. Far too many have dropped the clip not thinking. Failed to remove from safety, have a fail to fire, fail to eject, fail to load, etc. And one last bit of knowledge for you. The absolute last thing you will do in a confrontation is think. What ever you THINK you will do is pure bravado (another word for BS). So keep it simple.
An excellent post. Good recommendations on revolvers, especially when we all know that family practice might start out with the best intentions to do a bit of shooting every, oh, 4 - 8 weeks, but it rarely works out that way. The family assumes they are now and forever all good shots, and the frequency falls off.
Here's a short video on how to rack an auto-pistol's slide, but the fact that you have to do this sort of special maneusver is an indicator of the problem!
Note that any compact pistol will also necessarily have a stronger main spring. Problemz!
The other idea is to do scenario modeling, but with a non-gun (an orange plastic water pistol for example!) . Remember a home invader has planned his time, his entry point and what he's after. You get to be startled into being violently awakened or frightened half to death in the middle of your otherwise pleasant dream-state, with your heart trying to bust out of your chest, and no way of knowing if there's only one, or perhaps 3 or 4, invaders.
My recommendations are based on the training I do for people, plus my extensive handling of firearms
One: A shotgun, preferably a pump like a Remington 870 (the sound of that one being "racked:" alone is very scary to any intruder...), with a folding stock and a magazine extension tube, running 2 & 3/4" rounds, not necessary to do a magnum load ever. buckshot, or even rubber slugs (I have a box of them: non-lethal projectiles keeps you out of legal trouble). Plus a triggerable laser light and/or an LED flashlight.
Safety Slugs that project a plastic shot
Two: A double-action 6: bbl'd .38 special/ .357 Magnum revolver, full size. There are, by the way, Glaser Safety Slugs...
...which are lethal if they hit your dangerous and threatening invader, but they will not pass through drywall or plywood, so no-one else is in danger.
A revolver is FAR FAR simpler to handle and learn than an auto-pistol, like any Glock or your grandfather's beloved Colt 1911 from WW-II. Yes, I carry pistols, but again, I am very experienced, and I also realize that they require additional teaching, and as sell, as noted above, working the slide may be difficult for weaker hands (the elderly, those, such as myself, with advanced arthritis, the young, many smaller women, etc.) You MUST be able to "rack" the slide on an auto pistol to clear a jam, or to initially load up the weapon after clip insertion. As well, an inappropriate grip (weaker hands, a loose grip, or the grip of a teen...) will often result in a jam. Not the best idea.
Btw, 6 rounds will usually stop a fight! And a .357Mag can be carried on a camping trip and will, barely, down problem bear. Certainly a cougar or a pesky skunk or even a rabid dog or coyote. Or two-legged intruders!
or... a standard short bbl'd (Like their 22: bbl'd "Deerslayer", which is what I have but with a mag extension tube on it..), even a good used one, which will cost you about $350 - $450 max:
I have been looking at a old Ruger Speed Six, small double action revolver in 9mm.
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