Marriage trends in Hawai'i - how do they compare to the mailand? (health insurance)

[Mahrie]

G'morning all!

I inadvertently bumped into a thread on a forum that I didn't know existed here. A forty-two-page thread on how marriage is 'going downhill' was... overwhelmingly sad. I only made it through maybe ten pages that all read as if they were sponsored by the legal firm of 'That's Mine - This is Yours!' I didn't see the word love mentioned once....

As far as I'm concerned, the only reason to marry is for love, but then I believe that love ought to be one's motivation for doing everything. I know that humankind is a mess, but have we fallen so far that money rules even the chambers of the human heart? God, I hope not!

Whatever happened to, 'And the the two shall become one flesh' and ''Til death do us part'?

Isn't anyone yoked together with someone whom they can't bear the thought of living without? I miss my husband when he goes to the bathroom!

I'd love to believe that Hawaiians, at least the bulk of them, hold love and family in higher regard than do those on the mainland. What has been your observation?

Shabbat Shalom,

Mahrie.
P.S. Y'know, the fall of every major world power began with the disintegration of the family unit.

[Tiger Beer]

I just looked it up, there are 3.9 divorces per 1000 people in Hawaii.

Looks like Massachussets has the lowest at 1.8, and Nevada the highest at 6.6.

http://s.wsj.net/public/resources/do..._20100813.html

Of course the Hawaiian population isn't the bulk of everyone who lives in Hawaii, so I suppose it would be interesting if there were stats that broke it down by Hawaiia's ethnic groups...not sure if there is though...

[Mahrie]

Originally Posted by Tiger Beer

I just looked it up, there are 3.9 divorces per 1000 people in Hawaii.

Looks like Massachussets has the lowest at 1.8, and Nevada the highest at 6.6.

I Don't: Divorce Rates by State - The Wall Street Journal Online - Interactive Graphics

Of course the Hawaiian population isn't the bulk of everyone who lives in Hawaii, so I suppose it would be interesting if there were stats that broke it down by Hawaiia's ethnic groups...not sure if there is though...

Hello Tiger!

I'm not sure that counting children and the unmarried gives us an accurate picture of the state of matrimony. For example, on average, half of all first marriages fail in the U.S., as do two-thirds of second marriages, and three-quarters of third marriages, which places the overall failure rate closer to 64%, which reads a lot differently from '6.6 per thousand people,' don't you think so?

Fall in Love and Stay That Way: Scientific American

BTW, I was curious about the collective population of Hawai'i, as opposed to a particular ethnic group. I wondered if the tendency toward multi-generational families and the overall peace and strong sense of community kept marital woes at bay.

Thanks for weighing in,

Shabbat Shalom,

Mahrie.

[hotzcatz]

From what I've noticed there is a large portion of the population here who don't bother with the marriage part at all. They have the kids and family part, they just skip the marriage ceremony and paperwork. I'm not sure why. I remember overhearing a conversation between a haole person and several local people where they were discussing M__'s new grandkid. The local person wanted to know what the gender of the new child was and the haole person wanted to know when their daughter had gotten married. The local folks looked a little concerned at the haole person and I kinda wondered later if maybe they thought the haole person didn't know that you can make babies without being married or just wondered what being married had to do with it and thought maybe the haole person was changing the subject.

I'm suspecting getting welfare might be part of the reason why the married rate is so low although there is very little social pressure to get married. The younger generation just seems to have kids and folks just seem to love their grandkids however they show up - which is a good thing because about half the time it's the grandparents who end up raising the kids. A friend in Thailand says that's the standard method for having kids over there, I'm not sure if worldwide it isn't a more common way than many of the folks in the United States know about. Kinda makes sense, though. Have the older stable folks raise the young kids and the parents (at least in Thailand) go out get jobs and provide for their kids & parents at the same time.

[Spammasubi]

hotzcatz wrote:
"The younger generation just seems to have kids and folks just seem to love their grandkids however they show up - which is a good thing because about half the time it's the grandparents who end up raising the kids....."

Hotzcatz's post is pretty much spot on. I'd go further to say that it isn't just the responsibilty of grandparents, but the extended family has involvement in the child's welfare too. My wife and I
have become irregular afterschool care and daycare for the younger families of two separate but
rather large ohana that our kids have married into or otherwise now reside within. Things happen
and families need help from time to time, and we're there in emergencies. We didn't volunteer for
this. It just sort of happened because we're very much only the thread hanging off the end of the shirt-tail sort of relatives, however we think it one of the responsibilities you have to consider undertaking when living in Hawai'ian society. Relationships are important. Its never seems to be about who is married to whom, but rather, who is related to whom. Kids are a central focus, and their parents are so-and-so who are related to so-and-so. I went to a first birthday party two weeks ago, and over ninety people showed up. All colors, sizes, genders, ages. It was much, much bigger than the last wedding we attended.

[McFrostyJ]

The "wife" and I have been together for almost 20 years now and don't understand why we need a piece of paper to prove our love for each other. To each his own I guess!
:-)

[kaimuki]

Originally Posted by McFrostyJ

The "wife" and I have been together for almost 20 years now and don't understand why we need a piece of paper to prove our love for each other. To each his own I guess!
:-)

I couldn't agree more!

[Tiger Beer]

Originally Posted by hotzcatz

The younger generation just seems to have kids and folks just seem to love their grandkids however they show up - which is a good thing because about half the time it's the grandparents who end up raising the kids. A friend in Thailand says that's the standard method for having kids over there, I'm not sure if worldwide it isn't a more common way than many of the folks in the United States know about. Kinda makes sense, though. Have the older stable folks raise the young kids and the parents (at least in Thailand) go out get jobs and provide for their kids & parents at the same time.

I like that system too. It see it with Filipinos too. The parents go out and financially provide, but the extended family is very much involved in raising the kids. It's a great system, and kids grow up very healthy compared to the mainland daycare and hire babysitter and such.

[newUHprof]

Originally Posted by McFrostyJ

The "wife" and I have been together for almost 20 years now and don't understand why we need a piece of paper to prove our love for each other. To each his own I guess!
:-)

The husband and I have been together about that long, too. No quotes, because there are reasons to get a piece of paper. In our case, I needed health insurance. There's also beneficiary questions. I don't have to have a will.. he just gets my stuff (or vice-versa). There's also medical decisions... if I'm incapacitated, I'm sure I want him making the decisions and not any blood relative of mine. For some folks, there are tax reasons to marry, though in our case we get the "marriage penalty".

Of course, none of this is about "true love" or any of that crap. Marriage is a legal contract, plain and simple. It always has been. I'm happy & lucky to have entered into the contract with the person I chose. But I don't have stars in my eyes about what marriage means or that somehow the piece of paper makes our relationship more than yours (or more than the relationship of many of my gay friends who have been together even longer, have kids together, etc.). I'm also very happy that there are ways to dissolve the contract for people who need or want to do so.