Feelings of hopelessness and failure (depression, doctor, heart, therapy)
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My husband is 59, after retirement we have discovered we don't have enough to pay off all our credit card debts and still live. He isn't willing to get another job, go to credit counseling, debt consolidation, filing bankruptcy or anything.
He just sits day after day saying everything is gone, there is no hope, he might as well die. He seems to think some magic fairy is going to come down and solve our problems.
I am at my wits end, if I was a violent person I would do him bodily harm, he says I wish you would. He talks about suicide, all the doctors do is give him more pills. He has people pray over, for him. One religious person says he has attachments on him that can jump off him onto me, I find that kind of ridiculous but maybe I an the one that needs help.
Well, first of all, let me say that I am a Christian and I will be praying for you. I would also encourage you to go to the religion forum and post your prayer need on our prayer needs thread. We can get quite a group praying for you there. Again, I personally believe that prayer does indeed change things!
Secondly, since your husband is speaking of suicide and seems to be clinically depressed, I think you need to have a heart to heart with his doctor or find a new one. And possibly a professional counselor if that's feasible.
Normally, I wouldn't recommend this but since your husband is so passive right now due to his depression, I think you should probably "take the bull by the horns" and maybe look into doing some of the things you suggest: credit counseling, etc.
These are just some thoughts off the top of my head. I'm sure others will also have some good counsel for you and probably more specific than I have been able to come up with. God bless-
Secondly, since your husband is speaking of suicide and seems to be clinically depressed, I think you need to have a heart to heart with his doctor or find a new one. And possibly a professional counselor if that's feasible.
Please, please, please listen to Kaykay!!!!
You really should contact his doctor tomorrow, and find out what needs to be done to address your husband's depression. Given the fact that he is retired, financially overburdened, and verbalizing suicidal thoughts, I would not put off addressing this with someone. A professional. Who can make the necessary referrals and/or talk to your husband.
Yup. sounds like depression to me. What kinds of pills is he being prescribed? Is he seeing a competent shrink? Is he doing the psychotherapy along with the meds? Does it make sense to change shrinks for a fresh perspective?
This is almost how I felt when my Mom died. We had bills, but to me, nothing was more important than my mother, and the loss of her.
We were in debt, and normally everything was paid on time, and it wasn't a problem. But when she died, nothing was important. Clinical depression. I did try credit counseling, whe the collectors called... I wont get into everything, but it sounds like he does have clinical depression. Retired, 59? Nothing matters? Right now, if he can't help himself, you need to help him. I wish someone would have done that for me, back then.
Then get a job yourself to help make ends meet. See credit counselors, whatever you need to do. Keep moving in the right direction. In my experience the old adage is true. God helps those who help themselves. I haven't found this in the Bible so it was probably invented by someone trying to find a nice way to say we need to do what we can to help ourselves.
Maybe if you take the lead and work on fixing the problem, your H will figure out there are things he can do that will help a lot more than just complaining about it!
But how can you help someone that doesnt want to be helped, my husband is depressed and have talked about not being alive anymore. I called his doctor he gave the name and number of clinics that can help him. i called and they told me that he needed to admit himself, that i couldnt do anything for him if he didnt want the help. I see him sinking more and more into his depression, but all I can do is talk to him which in this case doesnt help anymore because he doesnt admit he needs help.
But how can you help someone that doesnt want to be helped, my husband is depressed and have talked about not being alive anymore. I called his doctor he gave the name and number of clinics that can help him. i called and they told me that he needed to admit himself, that i couldnt do anything for him if he didnt want the help. I see him sinking more and more into his depression, but all I can do is talk to him which in this case doesnt help anymore because he doesnt admit he needs help.
Then you, as well as the original poster, should seek out counselling/therapy for yourself in order to better help your feelings of frustration in dealing with your spouses. It is extemely difficult to "make" someone else seek help, if not altogether impossible. The best advice would be for you to find someone to talk to who can give you professional advice in terms of how to go about managing the situation more easily. It might help you to feel less alone in trying to help your husband...
Then you, as well as the original poster, should seek out counselling/therapy for yourself in order to better help your feelings of frustration in dealing with your spouses. It is extemely difficult to "make" someone else seek help, if not altogether impossible. The best advice would be for you to find someone to talk to who can give you professional advice in terms of how to go about managing the situation more easily. It might help you to feel less alone in trying to help your husband...
Take gentle care.
I agree although if someone is seriously expressing suicidal thoughts, I believe it is possible to get an involuntary committal to a psychiatric hospital.
I agree although if someone is seriously expressing suicidal thoughts, I believe it is possible to get an involuntary committal to a psychiatric hospital.
AGREED!!!!
If the original poster's husband is (and has been ) expressing suicidal ideation, she REALLY NEEDS TO PHONE HIS PHYSICIAN and mention this. Because any suicidality should be taken with the utmost seriousness. Husband should be assessed by a professional, and if need be, they would admit him for a three day observational period. He needs a suicide assessment and evaluation! (And because I am almost certain she has posted this on a couple of occassions in the past, I would strongly urge her to follow through and contact husband's doctor(s) ) !!!!!!!!
As a clinician, I am saying that ANY suicidal ideation should ALWAYS be taken with the utmost seriousness!
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