Not adjusting to Dubuque (Iowa City, Wyoming: appointed, transplants, low crime)
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We had never moved out of state prior to last year...moved for a job with a big company, we've been here about 7 months, and still are not able to say we'd like to stay, despite our extensive research before the move.
We came from a much larger city, and a very highly educated area, we were intricately involved in our church back home, and in numerous other activities both with our kids and with other adults. We are outgoing and friendly people, have always been able to make friends quickly, but have just felt disappointed with every step we have taken to be a part of our new community. We are involved and serving in a good church, have hosted a number of get-togethers to get to know others, and absolutely did not make this move with the intention of giving up. We have noticed how people really keep to themselves here, and after this much time, we never dreamed we would not really have friends. Maybe not "best" friends yet, but in growing relationships to some extent. Actually not finding that we have much in common with most of the folks we've met. Neither of our kids have really been invited to another friend's house, and while I would say their attitudes are good, this is the complete opposite of what we came from. And we have good kids; fun, only mildly annoying...
Not impressed with the "progressiveness" despite that being one of the initial claims we heard when exploring the move. Neither my husband nor I are very hopeful yet that Dubuque will truly be a better place to raise our kids than where we came from, (opportunity-wise, and by being surrounded with a positive, outgoing, educated community...it takes a village, right?) and we are just surprised at how let-down we are with our move. Anyone have a similar experience or is it just us?
We had never moved out of state prior to last year...moved for a job with a big company, we've been here about 7 months, and still are not able to say we'd like to stay, despite our extensive research before the move.
We came from a much larger city, and a very highly educated area, we were intricately involved in our church back home, and in numerous other activities both with our kids and with other adults. We are outgoing and friendly people, have always been able to make friends quickly, but have just felt disappointed with every step we have taken to be a part of our new community. We are involved and serving in a good church, have hosted a number of get-togethers to get to know others, and absolutely did not make this move with the intention of giving up. We have noticed how people really keep to themselves here, and after this much time, we never dreamed we would not really have friends. Maybe not "best" friends yet, but in growing relationships to some extent. Actually not finding that we have much in common with most of the folks we've met. Neither of our kids have really been invited to another friend's house, and while I would say their attitudes are good, this is the complete opposite of what we came from. And we have good kids; fun, only mildly annoying...
Not impressed with the "progressiveness" despite that being one of the initial claims we heard when exploring the move. Neither my husband nor I are very hopeful yet that Dubuque will truly be a better place to raise our kids than where we came from, (opportunity-wise, and by being surrounded with a positive, outgoing, educated community...it takes a village, right?) and we are just surprised at how let-down we are with our move. Anyone have a similar experience or is it just us?
Dubuquers never have been too welcoming to newcomers. Perhaps things will get better after you have been here a while longer.
I've been in Dubuque for almost two years and fortunately I can say that my experience has been better than what you describe. Our neighborhood seems to have a lot of transplants which I think helps a good deal. Many of the Dubuquers that I've met express concern that the community can seem closed, that they can tend to stick to the relationships that they've had for a lifetime. Not out of a desire to be closed but out of habit...
I have some similar concerns about opportunities for our kids, we come from Ann Arbor MI which is a very progressive, inclusive community but overall we've been pleased with our decision to come here.
If interested, send me a direct message from my profile and let's compare notes over lunch or an afterwork beverage.
I've been in Dubuque for almost two years and fortunately I can say that my experience has been better than what you describe. Our neighborhood seems to have a lot of transplants which I think helps a good deal. Many of the Dubuquers that I've met express concern that the community can seem closed, that they can tend to stick to the relationships that they've had for a lifetime. Not out of a desire to be closed but out of habit...
I have some similar concerns about opportunities for our kids, we come from Ann Arbor MI which is a very progressive, inclusive community but overall we've been pleased with our decision to come here.
If interested, send me a direct message from my profile and let's compare notes over lunch or an afterwork beverage.
Being Ann Arbor is a major college town it has the ingredients to be progressive. Like Lawrence, KS, Iowa City, Madison, etc., towns that are home to larger universities tend to be progressive and much more welcoming to newbies.
We had never moved out of state prior to last year...moved for a job with a big company, we've been here about 7 months, and still are not able to say we'd like to stay, despite our extensive research before the move.
We came from a much larger city, and a very highly educated area, we were intricately involved in our church back home, and in numerous other activities both with our kids and with other adults. We are outgoing and friendly people, have always been able to make friends quickly, but have just felt disappointed with every step we have taken to be a part of our new community. We are involved and serving in a good church, have hosted a number of get-togethers to get to know others, and absolutely did not make this move with the intention of giving up. We have noticed how people really keep to themselves here, and after this much time, we never dreamed we would not really have friends. Maybe not "best" friends yet, but in growing relationships to some extent. Actually not finding that we have much in common with most of the folks we've met. Neither of our kids have really been invited to another friend's house, and while I would say their attitudes are good, this is the complete opposite of what we came from. And we have good kids; fun, only mildly annoying...
Not impressed with the "progressiveness" despite that being one of the initial claims we heard when exploring the move. Neither my husband nor I are very hopeful yet that Dubuque will truly be a better place to raise our kids than where we came from, (opportunity-wise, and by being surrounded with a positive, outgoing, educated community...it takes a village, right?) and we are just surprised at how let-down we are with our move. Anyone have a similar experience or is it just us?
Hi! I could have written your post. We are having a hard time adjusting too! We moved from Atlanta. I have 3 kids and we moved for my husbands job. We left all our family in Georgia. We are trying to adjust here....and it has been difficult. I am really missing southern hospitality....and someone telling you their life story when you 1st meet them....here....I can't even get me neighbors to talk to me. I see you posted this over a month ago...hopefully things have gotten better for you and your family!!
I agree. I have lived in Dubuque for 3 1/2 years now and am looking to relocate. My observations have been the same - very behind the times. I also researched the city before moving here and relocated for a job because according to my research, Dubuque had a low crime rate, had a population in the range I was looking for, a number of educational institutions, etc. But I have also been disappointed. although the area is beautiful, it is very dog-unfriendly with limited choices for religious affiliation - unless you're Catholic. The downtown area seems depressing to me with it's old, delapidated buildings although there is an effort to restore some of these old buildings and there are a few pockets of restored buildings with interesting shops, for example a section on Main Street. The "festivals" are just big beer-drinking bashes with loud, rock music, some food and not much else to do. Dogs are not alllowed in the city parks or at festivals, and the city is very dog-unfriendly in general. There are very few opportunities for dog lovers and the training available here is predominantly traditional outdated compulsion training and shock collar trianing with the exception of Canine Connection on first Street, which offers the only truly positive reinforcement training in the area. While Dubuque is a generally very safe small city in a very beautiful geographic region, it is also very backwards - it has not kept up with the times. People here live the same way they did 50 or 60 years ago, which is fine if you want to just sit and watch TV or read a book, but if you like to keep up with the times and are looking for intelligent, progressive people to interact with, Dubuque is not the city for you.
I'm not from Dubuque and don't know much about it, but I've moved a few times (from Kansas to Iowa, Texas, Alaska, back to Iowa and finally to Wyoming. I've kept a few things in mind that might have helped me and might help others.
Two good ways to alienate people are 1) talking politics and 2) talking religion. Nobody wants to be converted to the "right path." In fact, they don't want to be told they're not on the right path.
Be a joiner and a volunteer. Take your pick, for there are probably a hundred choices in your community. They don't stop with the Lion's Club and Rotary International. Read the paper, get interested in local affairs, pick a cause or interest, and jump in with both feet.
You who have moved from cities to smaller towns may not understand this, but folks in small towns are a little reluctant in "telling you their life story when you 1st meet them." Personal stories can follow the grapevine pretty quickly in small towns, so if you want any privacy at all, you've got to be selective about who is told what. The more well-known you are in your community, the more important this is.
Whatever you do, if you want to be accepted, do not tell long-time residents that you don't like the town, and for gosh sakes, don't say that Dubuque doesn't have any "intelligent, progressive people to interact with." *eye roll* That's a slap in the face to all except big city liberals. Just because people don't share your "progressiveness" does not mean they're unintelligent. Quite the opposite. If you don't understand this... use some of that intelligence to figure it out.
On a personal note, we've had our share of problems being welcomed by natives too. When my family first moved to Iowa, I remember my parents being a little underwhelmed by the friendliness of the town. They stuck it out, and before too long they were well-known and liked by almost everyone in that town of 5,000. My dad had an accident once that required blood transfusions. The local Red Cross (United Blood Services?) had a blood drive that set a record -- nearly 300 pints donated in one day. Not bad for a town of 5,000. In short, they were accepted in a big way; it just took awhile.
And when my wife and I moved to Wyoming, we didn't like the town. (She HATED it!) The job offer was too good to pass up, so we figured we could stick it out for five years -- maximum. We both got involved in the community and it wasn't so bad. Ten years later my dream opportunity came up in one of the prettiest towns in the country. I quit my job. (Actually sold out, as I'd become the managing partner.) And then... my wife decided she wouldn't leave. It had grown on her to the point that she refused a rare opportunity of a lifetime. She finally left after nearly 40 years. I'm still here at 40 years. (We divorced years ago.) But it illustrates how perspectives can change if you try to enjoy life and go with the flow. I'd guess that it's not the city of Dubuque as much as it is your attitudes, and I state that because I've been in your shoes.
I have been checking in periodically to glean any understanding I can from people’s various opinions, and have appreciated the comments. There’s truth in all of them, and while one commenter had a lot of good insight into sticking out a move, and being pleasantly surprised by the outcome, there’s also a reference in that post to “big city liberal” type of thinking, with regard to judging a town’s level of intelligence. We are in no way liberal; morally, fiscally, and least of all politically, so I can say with certainty, that our observation isn’t liberally motivated, nor have we overstepped the wise boundaries of maintaining discretion with regard to political and religious conversation. We have not been so blinded by our disappointment to suggest that an entire town is unintelligent, however, there is an unmistakably, unwelcoming, close-minded attitude that exists here.
My guess is that, until recent years, Dubuquers have rarely faced opportunities to see beyond what they know, and are challenged by change and new people. It takes a bit of courage and, yes, intellect, to choose to step out of your comfort zone and positively face change. If Dubuque hopes to fulfill it’s claims of being progressive, sustainable, and open to growth, that claim is going to have to take root with it’s people, not just with the relocation marketing campaign, because once you arrive, it’s not the chamber of commerce that makes you feel at home. It’s your neighbors, the people at your place of worship, families at your schools who will need to respond to newcomers. Despite our numerous efforts to reach out through volunteering, being involved in schools, sports, always taking it upon ourselves to make the first step in meeting others, as well as opening our home to host get-togethers, our hopes of making Dubuque our new home will not be met until we find people who are willing to respond.
Lastly, I would also have to agree with the post that the “community” concert events we have tried to attend are not really so much family friendly, as they are beer fests that offer loud music, and little opportunity to sit or relax and enjoy the area. How about a park setting, where you can bring a picnic dinner, and actually sit and listen to the music if you’re not into consuming loads of beer, and standing around on hot pavement after a long day? Even if you don’t know anyone, you could at least relax, talk with your own family, and enjoy the music.
Anyway, it has been good to hear what others think, and I appreciate the responses.
Interesting thread. After owning resort type townhouse for 5 years, have moved permanently to the area. I have never met anyone in Iowa who was not nice and helpful, but not too including or welcoming and this is the "heart of the heartland". I would have thought it easier to meet compatible people through children. Ours are all grown and one poster was correct...churches are plentiful, if you are Catholic, which we are not. A learning experience at best. Think next time I will opt for a learning experience in better weather.
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