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No disrespect intended but sounds to me like OP has a wife problem. Wife wants to spend lavishly on gifts and celebrations. Wife wants to support her father. Wife doesn't want to work and finds taking care of a few kids to be "overwhelming". My bet is it's wife that insists on the karate lessons and all the extracurricular kid's activities. I've also a hunch the OP was fine with a regular American diet before meeting the wife.
Wife doesn't want to cut expenses and doesn't want to bring in extra income but is fine with hubby working another 20 hours on top of his normal workload to pay for it all.
No disrespect intended but sounds to me like OP has a wife problem. Wife wants to spend lavishly on gifts and celebrations. Wife wants to support her father. Wife doesn't want to work and finds taking care of a few kids to be "overwhelming". My bet is it's wife that insists on the karate lessons and all the extracurricular kid's activities. I've also a hunch the OP was fine with a regular American diet before meeting the wife.
Wife doesn't want to cut expenses and doesn't want to bring in extra income but is fine with hubby working another 20 hours on top of his normal workload to pay for it all.
You've met my wife?
It may be tolerable now OP, but if this is the case, it will smoulder until you wake up one day and are like....I want this person out of my house and life. You don't want it to get to that point, so you need to reset ground rules. Treat savings as a bill to be paid each month. If you've been married 5 years or more, your wife no longer can hear you....it just happens. So go get a financial planner to tell it to her so she can hear the message. Literally, that's the best value add they bring to the table....being a third party.
In the meantime, it is also a great motivator to take another job. More time away.
We go through that stuff every couple of months. Unfortunately, there isn't much we can really cut at this point without making our lives miserable. Sure, we could eat nothing but rice, beans, and pasta for a month or two, but that's not a good long term solution, and isn't healthy for our kids. We could prevent the kids from attending birthday parties, or take them out of their after school activities but that's not good for them socially or physically. I suppose we could stop contributing to their college fund, but that doesn't seem like great parenting, especially since both kids are exceptional intellectually & academically.
We could make a lot renting out a room, but the one ideally suited for that is being used by my FIL. The others would use a bathroom right next to the kids' room. We're not really cool with that unless we know the person well beforehand. My wife also hates the idea of other people using our kitchen and disorganizing things. She's already gets agitated enough by us, let alone non-family.
I'll keep an eye out for stuff like this. I haven't really used Nextdoor much, but am on some FB groups for our local area and see some requests. Most people want licensed contractors, and those that don't I try to pass to my FIL because he's trying to make a living out of this and woodworking. Taking a few on myself might be a good idea.
I'm not going to rely on my wife to bring in income. It will be nice if/when it happens, but she already feels overwhelmed with the kids.
lol. I'm a guy and while I guess I'm ok looking for middle-age, I don't have a stripper body. Nor do I have an extroverted, magnetic personality to draw in a crowd for channel content. Even if I did, that usually takes a while to earn any significant $.
Cool idea that I'll keep a look out for. Though I don't know how many people want their dog walked at 10pm. I might find some weekend work though.
I'm handy enough for stuff like that and basic household chores. Something else for me to pursue. There will be a lot of competition for these things in my area, but I may drum up a couple reasonable jobs.
Please forgive me but I must be frank here. YOUR WIFE is the person who needs to go out and work. A marriage is a partnership. If your single earnings aren't enough to support your lifestyle, then something has to give and you getting stressed beyond belief by taking on extra employment to get things under control isn't it.
She needs to walk dogs. She needs to maybe see if she can find employment that can offer a hybrid work schedule.
Not everyone has the luxury of being a SAHM. Many women not only have to be wives and mothers, they have to earn the bread as well.
If you don't address this elephant soon, you're going to get burned out and resentful.
Dual earner households can successfully raise children. Additionally, having two incomes allows for unexpected things to happen. In my case, I was on unpaid leave for almost a month after my mom died, causing a big hit to our income. Because there are two people earning, we had the reserves to take the financial hit and we had another steady paycheck coming in.
If I sound a bit harsh it's because I am a working mom. As their father, they need you home on weekends as well, not out there trying to earn extra money.
I was going to pose the same request...except now I need to up the ante and earn as much as possible in those spare hours. A set hourly rate isn't going to get me far,as I keep getting hit from all sides with unexpected expenses...
Hi,
I recommend Flexjobs. You might be able to find a position that is virtual, uses the skills you already have and is part-time / for the hrs you are available.
Also, have you looked at local adult education classes. If you are interested in teaching, you can teach an on-line class (teaching skills you possess to others). Take a look at Colorado Free University (adult education and it's not free).
All the best,
If you want an in-person job, work at a gym. I did it for a few months during the pandemic. I worked 6-10 a few days during the week and one weekend day. 15-20 hours a week. Paid about $18 in SoCal. So I'm guessing $12 in FL? It was a super chill and fun job.
Someone earning $150,000/yr working a few evenings a week for $12/hour just doesn't jive, no matter how 'super chill and fun' it is when the goal is to pay off debts asap. I believe they would call this "chump change".
1. The doors open wide for limited mobility people. (Think wheelchair/walker transitioning.)
2. You spend $30 a day in fuel, instead of $150 a day. (Yes, compared to a Crown Vic, THAT's the difference during a 9-hour shift.)
3. Prius are quite reliable.
Now, about going into an assisted-living place, like, for instance, a "Brookdale" (that I used to work at,) yes, it's very possible to do exactly as I stated prior. (Naturally, you're going to want to have the correct business insurance, as you'll be your own entity.) Play your cards right, and you might even become an employee of a place like Brookdale, and drive their shuttle buses. (Again, you'd need a "PASSENGER" endorsement on your CDL.) But then, what do I know...?
Honestly, I had no idea I'd have to lead someone to water on this, but ok, whatever.
I know a guy that was close to a rental car agency that was primarily for business travelers. On the weekends, the cars would be let out for just $9 a day so he picked up a delivery side hustle just on the weekends.
Today he manages about $500M of real estate with money seemingly washing up from China periodically, but I haven't seen him for a couple of years now.
Your wife wants to have these fancy parties, & expensive cakes. It sounds to me, like you need to have a good chat. right now you don't seem to be on the same page, as each other, about trimming expenses. Does she work? Getting a second job will drain you. Plus you will miss some of your kids games. Good luck with whatever you decide.
She does not currently work. It's been a bit of a contention between us, but I get why. She doesn't have a good path to a well-paying job. Before the kids were both in school (a recent development), she would have barely made more than daycare costs. Now that they're in school, she's looking, but can only really work while they're in school, which means she'll have a part time job for probably 15-20 hours per week at about $15 / hour, when and if she gets one. She can't go full-time unless it easily pays for daycare because I would not be available to shuttle the kids around or watch them. I did that for a bit while she recovered from surgery, but my job performance and availability took a noticeable hit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep2
The problem did not start last week. You are simply overspending. And a $200 weekend band aide job is not going to make any difference.
You and the wife need a talk. Not a please honey but hard facts. You cannot continue to spend more than comes in.
Your post #1 with all your wants and do not haves - when do you plan to work a second job? What tangible skills do you have?
Your say you work IT and in a small niche but have not done any upgrading of your skills for years. Worst case scenario - get laid off. What is Plan A and what is Plan B?
You are so cash strapped that you have 10k of credit card debt but wife needs to go on clubbing weekends, family needs martial arts classes, ... ?
How vegan is the family really? There is no reason for over processed junk food just because the label reads vegan and wife/kids do not like most veggies. Eat normal or learn to cook and bake. How old are your kids? How is this affecting their current eating/social habits and health? How about their future?
FIL has a room in your house?
If your wife is overwhelmed now what will she be if the house of cards crashes?
Set a budget, keep track of every penny for three months so you at lease have an idea where things are going. Look at selling the house and renting for a while. Unless both of you work together nothing will change but the numbers.
Yes, we're overspending when we aren't careful. We're both aware of that. But "tightening the belt" to keep things in check for long periods leads to depression for both of us, and puts a serious strain on the relationship and the household in general.
I could work any weekday between about 8pm until maybe 1am, Saturday after noon, anytime Sunday. I'd want to limit the total time to probably 20 hours / week.
Tangible skills? Depends what you're going for and if they require official recognitions. I've got a variety of software development related skills, some minor computer hardware ones, some small-team management, project management, business analysis, sales & demo, teaching (adult software use & dev), basic Photoshop, Stable Diffusion, some basic handyman skills and tools (from owning a home), some sports skills & knowledge, have instructed at sports camps (a long time ago), tutored for GEDs and SATs, I'm decent at cleaning, and could probably work in a basic kitchen.
If I get laid off, we're definitely in trouble, but do have a few options. I could consult inside that niche. Non-competes are hard to enforce when they prevent someone from earning a commensurate living, especially when that person lives multiple states away and that niche is no longer a primary focus of the company (which it wouldn't be if I was laid off). The company that owns the niche product I work with has tried to hire me back multiple times, so that's an option. I have enough transferrable skills to relatively easily get a job that pays $80-100k to reduce pain while I develop more transferrable skills. And of course I would keep applying for $150k+ positions.
Wife does not need to go clubbing on weekends, and she is not doing so. But she understandably wants to have fun at times, as everyone does. We've gone years without going out and having fun due to finances. We don't want to continue that forever, and it's not like we're talking huge trips to Europe or some such. A couple hundred dollars to blow off steam for a weekend a couple times a year should be within the realm of possibilities considering our income.
You and I obviously disagree on the value of martial arts and extracurricular activities for kids (and adults for that matter).
I'm not sure what you mean by "how vegan is the family"... We were meat eaters until 3 years ago if that helps. For the rest: I'm no chef but can cook well enough for family stuff. However, time is very limited and the wife is allergic to many vegan staples such as tomatoes, eggplant, peppers, and chickpeas. The kids are somewhat allergic to these, and no one but me can stand tofu, mushrooms, curries, or anything spicy to name a few of the limitations. Trying to identify enough complete meals to avoid boredom from repetition without using vegan substitutes that can be done in < 30 minutes and the whole family will eat is extremely difficult.
Kids are in early grade school, extremely healthy, and doing well academically, socially, and athletically. The health of both my wife and I has improved dramatically since we went vegan, even with consuming more of the meat-replacements than we'd like. FWIW, we switched more for the animals and environmental impacts than health reasons, so will not be "eating normal" again.
Yes, FIL has a room in our house. No, he can't contribute $ for a couple reasons. He does save us a lot of $ with home maintenance though. No, we're not looking to toss him out on the street to save some $.
Renting is not necessarily a reasonable option. Our house payment is less than most 2-bedroom apartments in the area. Sure the windfall would hep in the short term but would be a bad long-term move as we'd either have to pay continuously escalating rents or buy back in at a much higher cost and APR.
Quote:
Originally Posted by heavymind
This isn't realistic. I believe you said you already work full time, and adding another 10-20 hours a week to that is huge. Throw in a few more hours for travel/commuting. You're going to burn out and just won't have the energy for a date or taking the kids out. They'll be going out on your dime while you're asleep. I'd completely rethink your family's needs and priorities. Sacrifices can definitely be made.
It is quite realistic. I currently work about 45 hours. I have gone long stretches of my career working 60-70 while also playing sports, and have had months where I worked 70-100 / week. All of those hours were on jobs that are more mentally demanding than anything I would likely do for side money. I can definitely physically and mentally do it, plus if it is too much, I can always walk away.
A DOG WALKER requires being serious it's not a throw away job FFS.
You have too much of a list of why you wouldn't make a good employee.
In Jax there's a Ztrip driving service you can be a contractor at your own hours. You use their vehicle and they take the first X amount of dollars per shift.
I suggest do Dave Ramsey to get out of debt and learn how to manage money. BOTH OF YOU.
You're ALL OVER THE PLACE. First PRIORITY is to pay down debt smallest one first. IN FULL. Not freaking martial arts classes or future COLLEGE FFS.
In Indian River County you can go to college for almost FREE and even complete college courses during high school if you're motivated.
Do the Dave Ramsey plan/commitment.
DO YOU EVEN HAVE AN EMERGENCY FUND? (part of common sense AND the DAve Ramsey protocol)
Dog walker wouldn't work for me anyway due to the hours.
I know it doesn't sound like it from my post, but I can get out of debt and manage money. Prior to marriage I made 1/2 of what I make now, lived in a more expensive area, and maxed my 401k and Roth while saving $1k / month and living debt free. Post marriage, we've gotten out from more than this in the past.
We have already done the belt-tightening thing for the majority of the past decade, and I do not want to do it again if there is another option. I am making a conscious decision that I would rather work an extra 10-20 hours / week than deprive myself and my family of relatively normal things that improve our lives and make us happy. I would rather work those hours and go on a date with my wife every other week than have that time back to do stuff that doesn't interest me, watch my kids miss out on enriching activities they love, and see my wife spiral into depression.
Yes, we have savings / an emergency fund. It's not as much as I'd like, but in the neighborhood of 3-4 months of current expenses. If needed we have enough to pay off our CC debt at any time. It would just take a chunk of that to do so. I am trying to not touch it unless necessary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by heavymind
I'm still finding it hard to take the original poster seriously. Looking back at some of the "necessary" expenses they have, I can easily come up with an extra $1,000/mo if they drop the martial arts classes, the fancy parties and presents, the overpriced vegan fake foods (and I say that as a fellow vegan) - these are all luxury items and not basic life necessities. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do without. The kids college savings can be put on hold as well, there's many options concerning that as another poster mentioned.
I think the more money that the OP brings in, the more he's going to end up spending.
You're having trouble taking me seriously because you're putting words in my mouth. I never said these are "necessary" expenses. They are expenses that we strongly desire to continue. We could easily get rid of a lot of things and reduce our spending by a lot. Heck, we could eat rice and beans for every meal and that alone would save $1k+ / month. But we would be miserable and hate life. That's not exactly the road I want to follow again unless we have to.
We're already dropping the expensive parties (FWIW, that wasn't every party, each kid has had 1 such, and 1 "medium expense"), though there's only so low you can go when you've got 12+ kids plus their parents attending. Even a backyard party turns into a couple hundred dollars of food and drinks pretty quickly.
Again, I know we can suck it up and do without, and sometimes we have to. We've been doing that a lot in the past and I'm not interested in going that route at this time when I could just work a little more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by heavymind
The OP is a man in his forties who said he's not really the outgoing type. I don't think being a server is in the cards for him. Plus, it's exhausting work. Most servers want to work evening shifts because the tips are bigger, and then he'd never see his family.
I'm not outgoing to the extent that I could make good $ from a Youtube channel. I think I'm outgoing enough to be a server or bartender at a mid-level restaurant (though I'm not licensed). I'm interested in people and can find something to talk about with most. I just have a calm, thoughtful, and stoic personality, and am not overflowing with the electric enthusiasm, charisma, and false confidence you typically need to attract tens of thousands of followers. I think the timing is the bigger problem. The only hours I have available to work are the same hours that most servers covet, and they're not likely to give them to a complete newbie still learning the ropes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NORTY FLATZ
First things first, NEVER lease (rent) a car, unless you plan to have it only a week. As you've found out, a lease is like an HOA. Power hungry non-vetted people in a position of power, corrupt.
Go BUY a used Prius, and then go to your local assisted-living facility. Offer your transportation services to the residents there. Once the word gets out, that the residents can get out to do errands, you'll be crazy busy, helping people. You can also go to your local City's Senior Center and do the same. If you want to really make some dough, you can paint senior house interiors. Exterior paint work requires light, and that doesn't work too good, at night!
In our situation at the time, leasing was easily the best option. Due to having 3 adults and 2 kids that used car seats, a 2-row vehicle didn't work for us at the time (an adult does not easily fit between 2 car seats, even in a 2-row SUV). Our main auto was old, breaking down frequently, and staring at a multi-thousand dollar repair bill in the near future. We didn't want to replace it with something else unreliable, and any 3-row vehicle less than 10 years old with under 100k miles was very expensive during the pandemic. We found this 3-year lease for less than we'd have paid monthly over 7 years for a loan to buy one of those old, unreliable cars. Now that we don't need the car seats anymore, we'll have more options when the lease runs up.
I'm not interested in buying a car for $5k, then paying $1000 / year in car insurance for it to do something that will make me a couple hundred per week, prior to gas and depreciation. Not to mention, doing what you're saying technically requires commercial insurance, which is much more expensive. IF I was to go that route, I'd probably do Uber, which I've also done in the past, and enjoyed. Also, there's enough people in my area that take advantage of the elderly. I don't need to add one more, or face that level of competition.
Painting houses and other general handyman work seems to be a reasonable way to go. My FIL is trying to pursue that and I recently started helping him find some work on FB. He's received a lot of inquiries.
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