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All of us as parents want to provide a great childhood to our children, and yes sometimes it breaks our collective hearts to be the bad guy telling kids we can't afford this or that, especially if it is something they have their hearts set on.
BUT -- and this is huge -- doing so is part of your job description as a parent, and reinforcing with your kids the connections between affording X or not affording X, spending money on X or not spending money on X, and having a job/career are extremely important life lessons that will help your children make wise economic choices once they are teens, 20-somethings, and full-on adults.
So I tip my hat to you when you do enforce budget discipline and explain it to your kids. You're doing the right thing to help them grow up to be financially responsible adults.
When our daughter was in elementary school, it turned into a bit of a game:
WHY do I have to do my homework?
So you can learn your subjects.
WHY do I have to learn my subjects?
So you can get good grades.
WHY do I have to get good grades?
So you can get into a good college.
WHY do I have to get into a good college?
So you can get a good high-paying job.
WHY do I have to get a good high-paying job?
So you can buy nice things when you're a grown-up
I agree with you completely.
I know this doesn't come across from this thread because it was originally supposed to be rather focused on second job possibilities, but we are not those types of parents that spoil our kids, giving them everything they want. We say no for financial reasons a lot. Nor do we hide finances from them. We are teaching them about $ and they've got a pretty good grasp. They've even got some (kid-level) entrepreneur ideas, including starting a mini-cafe in our house where they made a menu, store front, set out chairs and a table and everything for my wife and I to buy from when we were tired and hungry at night. Sadly, we had to make them close shop because they were staying up too late and we couldn't afford their prices lol.
Still, it's very frustrating considering how hard I've worked, how much I make, etc. and I have to tell my wife and kids that no we can't order Dominos tonight even though everyone's exhausted and in the mood for pizza because we just can't swing the $30 even though I make that much in less than half-an-hour.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moguldreamer
OK, one other shot-in-the-dark idea.
You say your profession is in software, but you didn't mention your educational background. You might have an engineering degree....
Sadly no engineering background. I have a double-major in computer science and economics that is now 20 years old.
No disrespect intended but sounds to me like OP has a wife problem. Wife wants to spend lavishly on gifts and celebrations. Wife wants to support her father. Wife doesn't want to work and finds taking care of a few kids to be "overwhelming". My bet is it's wife that insists on the karate lessons and all the extracurricular kid's activities. I've also a hunch the OP was fine with a regular American diet before meeting the wife.
Wife doesn't want to cut expenses and doesn't want to bring in extra income but is fine with hubby working another 20 hours on top of his normal workload to pay for it all.
Some of the above is true, but not nearly all. My wife made the initial push to try the martial arts because it's something she has a passion for and found a lot of value in the past. I now want to keep it because I see the value it's providing to our kids, my wife's mental health, and my physical health. As someone that used to play a lot of sports and hasn't since the kids were born, it is a very good outlet for me and is helping me stay in decent shape. I'm also a strong believer in extracurricular activities for kids to help them grow and find their passions.
You guys seem awfully stuck on the vegan thing... It was a joint decision. It was something I had been toying with for several years but wasn't sure I would be able to give up all the foods I had grown accustomed to, my enjoyment of cooking them, or force that on my family. When she got interested in it, we jointly decided to give it a go. It stuck. Do I miss some things? Definitely. Good barbecue brisket (never tried Franklin's ), pulled pork, ribs; crabs; sushi; ceviche; good cheeses; wings; gumbo; variety in general at restaurants; but the tradeoff has been worth it for me, and I'd do it again. I don't think I could have done it 20 years ago though.
Also, my wife is not ok with my working a second job. The moment I brought it up she basically said "don't, you work hard enough, I will try to get something". It's just that I know she could stomach my working 20 hours extra if it alleviated some of the financial pressure, whereas studying 20 hours / week to grow my transferrable skills would be a lot harder for her because it likely wouldn't provide any relief for a couple years. I also will reevaluate the second job thing when she gets a second job, but I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch to use an old idiom.
Last edited by wsamon; 09-18-2023 at 05:45 PM..
Reason: added response about my wife being ok with my taking extra work
I don't think one thing is going to be your answer. I think between you and your wife you need to cobble together a number of things. She can substitute teach while the kids are in school. Your wife could babysit. Your family could pet sit (Rover)
I live a large neighborhood and am constantly amazed at the side hustles my neighbors do. One family repaints shutters and does the stupid mailbox setup our HOA insists on. These are pretty basic skills, but people hate doing it and gladly pay someone else. Another guy does power washing (a real industrial type thing). Others do lawn aeration, seeding, mulching, etc. Do you or your wife have any skills that translate to tutoring? Spend some time w/ your wife brainstorming ideas together.
Some of the above is true, but not nearly all. My wife made the initial push to try the martial arts because it's something she has a passion for and found a lot of value in the past. I now want to keep it because I see the value it's providing to our kids, my wife's mental health, and my physical health. As someone that used to play a lot of sports and hasn't since the kids were born, it is a very good outlet for me and is helping me stay in decent shape. I'm also a strong believer in extracurricular activities for kids to help them grow and find their passions.
You guys seem awfully stuck on the vegan thing... It was a joint decision. It was something I had been toying with for several years but wasn't sure I would be able to give up all the foods I had grown accustomed to, my enjoyment of cooking them, or force that on my family. When she got interested in it, we jointly decided to give it a go. It stuck. Do I miss some things? Definitely. Good barbecue brisket (never tried Franklin's ), pulled pork, ribs; crabs; sushi; ceviche; good cheeses; wings; gumbo; variety in general at restaurants; but the tradeoff has been worth it for me, and I'd do it again. I don't think I could have done it 20 years ago though.
Also, my wife is not ok with my working a second job. The moment I brought it up she basically said "don't, you work hard enough, I will try to get something". It's just that I know she could stomach my working 20 hours extra if it alleviated some of the financial pressure, whereas studying 20 hours / week to grow my transferrable skills would be a lot harder for her because it likely wouldn't provide any relief for a couple years. I also will reevaluate the second job thing when she gets a second job, but I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch to use an old idiom.
Too much of nothing going on here.
You are not willing to work on job skills, she is not willing to work and both of you are not willing to make cauts.
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), pulled pork, ribs; crabs; sushi; ceviche; good cheeses; wings; gumbo; variety in general at restaurants; but the tradeoff has been worth it for me, and I'd do it again. I don't think I could have done it 20 years ago though.
