Age Gaps in Jewish Experience - Little for Young Adults, and Threat Posed to Synagogues (believe, religious)

[jbgusa]

A while ago, I read Rethinking Synagogues: A New Vocabulary for Congregational Life by Lawrence A. Hoffman, inspired by the author's appearance as scholar-in-residence at my synagogue. Obviously I have read a lot both before and since. in between.

The correct premise of the book is that ethnic nostalgia, memories of the Holocaust and "pediatric Judaism" or focus on pre-Bar Mitzvah schooling cannot sustain synagogues and by extension the Jewish religion. Something more is needed; and the author struggles with this.

Synagogues are great at providing early childhood education, i.e. nursery school, Sharing Shabbat (Shabbat problems for young children and their parents), Hebrew and religious school for children up to Bar Mitzvah age, and a few years beyond for confirmation in the Reform movement, BBYO (formerly B'nai B'rith Youth Organization Inc.), National Federation of Temple Youth and sleepaway camps for children. This is what Rabbi Hoffman calls "pediatic Judaism." We all remember singing Dah-vid Melech Y'Sroael, Chai Chai V'kyom. Synagogues due lure young families in for Bar-Bat Mitvahs. Parents' membership usually covers weddings and funerals. The hope is that the "free" year membership accompanying weddings holds nascent young families. In our case it did, but that is rare. My own experiences were different. When I was growing up in the late 1960s and early 1970s, I actually had very little interest in Judaism. The childhood Jewish education was marred by spitballs and lack of discipline. The first year of Hebrew and religious school were great, subsequent year progressively less so. I cleaned my desk right after my May 1970 Bar Mitzvah.

Fast forward to late 1972 and early 1973, about 2 1/2 years, my sophomore year of high school. Even before my father's death of January 5, 1973, some people I had met, and ironically one with whom I have become close friends took Judaism seriously.

My father died in the wee hours of the morning of January 5, 1973. By that afternoon The rabbi was in our living room going over the funeral. He carefully explained the rationale of Jewish death rituals. I participated actively in the drafting of the eulogy. I frankly learned more about Judaism in that 30 to 60 minutes then I learned in my last year of Hebrew school, when I was 12 and 13. That was in the spring of 1970. To find appropriate opportunities I basically did my own reading, and forced my way into the (adult) Men's Club Seder a few times. I also attended other Men's Club events such as opening dinners, speeches and the blood drive. I was more motivated than most.

My 26 year old mentions that he would like to find relevant experiences at Temple but really can't. I can't say he's wrong. He did go on Birthright to Israel in January 2019, but that about taps out Jewish experiences for that age group.

My Rabbi doesn't have any solutions. Does anyone?

[Rachel NewYork]

I had never heard the term "pediatric Judaism" before, but I am also convinced that focus on pre-B'nai Mitzvah schooling "cannot sustain synagogues and, by extension, the Jewish religion." While I agree with those who say that children are our future, I'm more inclined to say that continuing education for adults -- both young and old -- is what will ultimately sustain us.

My own synagogue is doing very well, and we never lack for a minyan during services. I credit this to the fact that not only does my synagogue provide schooling for the children, our rabbi conducts classes for adults on weekday evenings with intriguing courses in Jewish mysticism (Kabbala), history, and the Talmud. We have a lot of outside programming brought in, as well, and recently had a talk given by the President of the Jewish Historical Society of Long Island.

I think that this is what brings people back to Judaism, even after they have grown up, gone out in the world, and think they have learned it all. There's so much more to learn that will not only instill in us a pride of being Jewish, but also a fierce desire to keep the Jewish light burning.

[jbgusa]

Originally Posted by Rachel NewYork

I had never heard the term "pediatric Judaism" before, but I am also convinced that focus on pre-B'nai Mitzvah schooling "cannot sustain synagogues and, by extension, the Jewish religion." While I agree with those who say that children are our future, I'm more inclined to say that continuing education for adults -- both young and old -- is what will ultimately sustain us.

My own synagogue is doing very well, and we never lack for a minyan during services. I credit this to the fact that not only does my synagogue provide schooling for the children, our rabbi conducts classes for adults on weekday evenings with intriguing courses in Jewish mysticism (Kabbala), history, and the Talmud. We have a lot of outside programming brought in, as well, and recently had a talk given by the President of the Jewish Historical Society of Long Island.

I think that this is what brings people back to Judaism, even after they have grown up, gone out in the world, and think they have learned it all. There's so much more to learn that will not only instill in us a pride of being Jewish, but also a fierce desire to keep the Jewish light burning.

I agree. We had all that at our synagogue. It was doing better under our previous Rabbi, but died out with the "pandemic." It hasn't resumed which is why I put "reopened" in quotes. In my case I really wonder whether the leadership's heart is in it.

I asked a Board member with whom I am friendly why the Holocaust Remembrance Committee hasn't resumed. He said, basically, start a new one yourself.

I think people are beyond caring.

[Rachel NewYork]

Originally Posted by jbgusa

I agree. We had all that at our synagogue. It was doing better under our previous Rabbi, but died out with the "pandemic." It hasn't resumed which is why I put "reopened" in quotes. In my case I really wonder whether the leadership's heart is in it.

I asked a Board member with whom I am friendly why the Holocaust Remembrance Committee hasn't resumed. He said, basically, start a new one yourself.

I think people are beyond caring.

But maybe you should consider starting a new one yourself. Talk to and invite other congregation members to help by getting involved. You're resourceful, jbgusa.

It really is up to each of us to keep our shuls alive. I won't bore you with a list of the things I'm involved in with my own synagogue, as well as Jewish outreach where I live, as it would sound like bragging. Plus, I truly believe that there is nothing I'm doing that can't also be accomplished by others with a bit of determination and strong love for our people.

My goodness, we Jews have historically survived worse things than this recent pandemic. Be strong. Be Jewish. Be active!

[VA Yankee]

OP my timeline of growing up is similar to yours but for me I did a dump and run after my Bar Mitzvah and had no desire to embrace it as a lifestyle which is has been fine for me. But your right for those wishing to continue on their journey there really isn't much unless you the Orthodox/Hassidic route and continue with a yeshiva education for the more secular there was the Hillel Groups in college which I believe are still around.

But when you look at mentoring programs for teens in general there really isn't much out there, even the church groups are geared for the younger kids and the secular world only offers what you sign up for in High School.

[jbgusa]

Originally Posted by Rachel NewYork

But maybe you should consider starting a new one yourself. Talk to and invite other congregation members to help by getting involved. You're resourceful, jbgusa.

It really is up to each of us to keep our shuls alive. I won't bore you with a list of the things I'm involved in with my own synagogue, as well as Jewish outreach where I live, as it would sound like bragging. Plus, I truly believe that there is nothing I'm doing that can't also be accomplished by others with a bit of determination and strong love for our people.

My goodness, we Jews have historically survived worse things than this recent pandemic. Be strong. Be Jewish. Be active!

Many of these "committees" were glorified social cliques that were nominally open to outsiders. Though I did join a few it was always to a large extent as an outsider looking it. Much of it was a "gender" thing. When I was between jobs I went to the "Baby Boomer's" group.Often it was held at people's houses around 5:00 p.m. I was almost always the only male in the room. Holocaust Remembrance was a little better but my participation was sort of taken with a shrug. I was disappointed, but am now more so since these groups don't exist. Starting one up myself would be futile since people are still afraid of each other. I was at tennis today, and one of my friends says "he really isn't going out." Tennis is outdoors and by racket swing socially distanced but people are still educated to look at others as disease vectors.

Originally Posted by VA Yankee

OP my timeline of growing up is similar to yours but for me I did a dump and run after my Bar Mitzvah and had no desire to embrace it as a lifestyle which is has been fine for me. But you're right for those wishing to continue on their journey there really isn't much unless you the Orthodox/Hassidic route and continue with a yeshiva education for the more secular there was the Hillel Groups in college which I believe are still around.

But when you look at mentoring programs for teens in general there really isn't much out there, even the church groups are geared for the younger kids and the secular world only offers what you sign up for in High School.

I did the "Bar Mitzvah Dump" on May 4, 1970, which if you look up was a Monday. There really is no bridge between what is described, in Rethinking Synagogues: A New Vocabulary for Congregational Life by Lawrence A. Hoffman, as "pediatric Judaism" and adult Judaism.As it was, I forced my way into the (adult) Men's Club Seder, specifically, one snowy day in March 1973 (a rare snow that winter), and was equally out-of-place as the only person at Men's Club functions in my 20's in my post-law-school years. The Rabbi was not especially supportive even though he basically friendly to me. I forced my way in because it was important to me to continue my presence. The religion cannot count on there being too many jbgusa's.

As for Hillel, it's around. My son, at his college, found the politics intense, and he did some stuff with Chabad even though he's Reform. I simply found it forbidding. I think Hillel has a much higher potential.