Help (or hinder) put my wifes mind at ease (Knoxville: fit in, transplants)

[jasony0423]

Hi Knoxvillians.

My wife and I are planning a move to Knoxville in the VERY near future. My wife is getting cold feet about the move, and I was hoping that some people here could give advice or something to help make her feel a little better.

We're coming from northeast Ohio. I'm in my early 30's she's in her early 20's. We have one child, and she's pregnant with our second. Our oldest is still too young for school. My wife is a stay at home mom, and I'm a car salesperson. I've done fairly well with it, and that's what I will be doing when we move to Knoxville. Yes, I already have a job lined up.

Her biggest fear is that the car sales market will be entirely different from that of Ohio, and I won't make enough to support us. Back in Ohio, we have both our immediate families, and we've been there basically our whole lives. In Tennessee, she has some somewhat distant family, and I have an aunt and uncle, but they're near Nashville. My feeling is that people need cars, regardless of whether it's Ohio or Tennessee.

The biggest downfall is that we have practically NO savings. I can afford to move us down, deposits, etc., but that's about the extent. For that reason, I'm happy to have a job already lined up, and I will be starting work immediately upon moving down, so I won't be without income. Insurance will also be immediate.

So in a nutshell, her fears:

1-we (I) won't make enough money to support us.
2-we won't really know ANYONE
3-we won't have immediate family support, ie--short notice, trusted babysitters, etc.

Those of you in Knoxville, give me some advice. My job in Ohio is selling Hyundai. My job in Knoxville is still selling cars, but higher end ones. I think we'll be fine, but then again, I really don't know much about the market. Cost of living appears by all counts and sources to be lower in Knoxville than in Cleveland, too.

[Suffering]

1-we (I) won't make enough money to support us. - that's possible and there are many factors including your spending habits and lifestyle.
2-we won't really know ANYONE - no big deal. you'll meet people.
3-we won't have immediate family support, ie--short notice, trusted babysitters, etc. - happens every day in this town/city/country/world - most issues are as big or as small as you believe them to be.

As to the change in makes. I spent a few years around the auto industry and will just point out that a hyundai buyer anywhere is different from a lexus buyer anywhere. without knowing how "high end" you are going, it's difficult to tell what kind of transition you might expect. the market is the market for the most part simply meaning that hyundai buyers are pretty much the same everywhere you go and of course hyundai has elevated itself to a mover and shaker in the last 4-5 years and the traffic count on a typical hyundai lot is going to be higher then a typical lexus lot.

happy to provide more info (or at least more opinion ;-) ) if you can say what you will be selling. post or pm me

[jasony0423]

Originally Posted by Suffering

1-we (I) won't make enough money to support us. - that's possible and there are many factors including your spending habits and lifestyle.
2-we won't really know ANYONE - no big deal. you'll meet people.
3-we won't have immediate family support, ie--short notice, trusted babysitters, etc. - happens every day in this town/city/country/world - most issues are as big or as small as you believe them to be.

As to the change in makes. I spent a few years around the auto industry and will just point out that a hyundai buyer anywhere is different from a lexus buyer anywhere. without knowing how "high end" you are going, it's difficult to tell what kind of transition you might expect. the market is the market for the most part simply meaning that hyundai buyers are pretty much the same everywhere you go and of course hyundai has elevated itself to a mover and shaker in the last 4-5 years and the traffic count on a typical hyundai lot is going to be higher then a typical lexus lot.

happy to provide more info (or at least more opinion ;-) ) if you can say what you will be selling. post or pm me

Thanks. You actually nailed it. I'll be selling Lexus. As for the other responses, thats how I feel about the things, too. I can pare back on spending until we get "planted".

[Suffering]

Ah yes. Lexus. Here's the thing about the majority of high end Lexus buyers. They're a real pita to deal with.

Things may have changed a bit as they've added new product but I had a good friend who ran a Lexus store (he was always a high end of the market guy) and I would visit him from time to time to do lunch. The buyers were as high maintenance as Suzuki buyers but obviously for different reasons. A typical Lexus buyer is not a today buyer like many in the auto sales industry are accustomed to dealing with on a daily basis. In fact, many are not even this week..or this month buyers. The sales cycle tends to be much longer which can be frustrating to people who have not worked with that type of buyer in the past.

That is not meant in anyway to suggest that it's a bad gig or move. Those are just my observations based on what I saw and what my friend always talked about when he was running high end import stores.

About your spouse. My wife is 50 this year and we've been together for 30 years so I speak from personal experience when I say that your wife has very real concerns and anxiety about this move. I moved my wife (and kids) 10 times in the past 30 or so years and the level of anxiety for moving and the unknown related to it (for my wife) was always high. I can move at the drop of a hat, no problem.

My wife is a compassionate, caring, listener who loves her family and is extremely patient with people. She communicates in an indirect way because she doesn't like confrontation and while I think she's feisty, that's really only with me. She really needs to have a girlfriend to talk to from time to time just because that's what she likes to do and while I try to be a good listener, my problem solving maleness usually kicks in and I work on answers to resolve issues. That unfortunately is not what she is looking for many times. She wants to talk in a way that makes it hard for me to decipher how she is really feeling or how deeply she feels about an issue. Don't get me wrong. We communicate very well but she's not a man and I'm not a woman so we communicate in different ways. Sometimes that makes it hard to connect the dots but in the end we get that done. She wants a sense of security for herself and the kids.

I'm a hard core numbers guy who flies by the seat his pants and isn't afraid to take chances for the right opportunity. I solve problems. I love to fix things (unless they are mechanical, electrical, or plumbing..never had the knack).

So what's my point in all that air I posted? The wife has concerns...I solve. Bang, done, what's next.

That's how it works in my world so my original response to your questions was me solving issues as I see them in my world. The wife would listen, commiserate, and share experiences from her world and her response would mean a lot more then mine on those questions.

Good luck with the move. This is a great town and I'm sure your family will like it once they get settled and in a nice routine.

Here's the best tip I can give you. The more time you can make for handling even the smallest of details will go a long way in making the spouse feel comfortable. In order of importance to my wife:

1) Where am I going to be living. Not Knoxville...what HOUSE. Having a specific place to go is huge. Get a place as early as possible.

2) Arrange all the utilities well in advance so there are no surprises.

3) Arrange all the moving issues like packing (number of boxes is huge on this one), truck, labor. The more you do the less she will stress.

4) Assume that the move and setup will cost you $1000-$1500 more then your highest estimate.

5) See #1 - get a place to live asap. She needs to have a place to move in to with her stuff and the kids.

My wife is very capable of doing all this but I found (by the 3rd move..did I mention that I'm a little slow on the uptake for some issues) that if I arranged everything, the move went amazingly smooth. Not because I did it, but because she felt far less stress (when she is stressed, I get stressed. It's some idiotic built in mechanism). I was always working a full time gig while she took care of the kids ( which is of course afull time gig too) but imo, you have to make the time to do these things and get them right if you want to have a good move.

As always, opinions vary.

bang, done.

[MetropolitanTN]

I think it sounds as if you'll be fine if you curtail spending for some time 'til you guys get comfortable.

Good luck!

[jasony0423]

Thanks. I think that this second as third opinion will help. I'm looking forward to the move, and I know she is, too. Things will just be better once she sees that we aren't going to be homeless, lose cars, etc.

[geranium]

The easiest way for your wife to meet other young mothers would be through church membership - after all this is the South. So if that's an option for you, look around carefully and find a church with young members and hopefully a mother's morning out program.

If not, she might want to find a good children's play area at a park and visit often, hoping to meet and get to know some of the other moms. Casual conversations can help more than you think.

Knox libraries have wonderful free children's story hours, if your child is old enough. And that's a nice way to meet other young moms too.

And if the money issues go well, think about YMCA membership. There's free childcare involved and another chance to connect with other folks.

As a life-long Southerner I can honestly say that we're a friendly breed, but it's a casual friendliness. It can be hard to fit in to a new community.

Let us know what part of town you end up in and perhaps better suggestions will come.

[jasony0423]

I'll be working in turkey creek and we found a house in Harriman. She's not in love with the house, so we may stay with one of her relatives in Farragut for a couple of weeks.
Church is definitely something we'd want to do, it's just a matter of finding one we are comfortable at.

[creeksitter]

Harriman is a bit of a stretch. She'll meet more transplants if you can rent a place in west Knoxville. There are some good modest neighborhoods if you look hard enough.

[bstate16]

I think you will love it in Knoxville and won't regret it. My fiance' and I are looking into a similar move. We are in our early 20's and just visited the area and loved it.

You will love the West Side, it's beautiful. I'd say just make the move, you have the job lined up(a lot of people don't).

I can't imagine not making a move specifically because you didn't have family there. I understand why people close to family wouldn't want to but I would make the move. Ohio is depressing compared to Tennessee and you will cut your expenses in half.