Help me with "Miss," "Ma'am," "Mr."

[Gil3]

Originally Posted by kayanne

I've been living in Lake Charles for a couple of months now (my first time to live anywhere in the south). I know I've already offended at least one woman by calling her "Cindy" rather than "Miss Cindy." (oops, sorry, I just didn't know better.)

My husband says that everyone at his work calls him "Mr. Bob." In all the cities we've lived up north, he was called either "Bob" or "Mr. Smith."

I had a conversation with a cashier recently about using "Ma'am" and she said that if she had ever failed to say "Ma'am" as a kid, she would have been beaten. (maybe exaggerating, I don't know).

At any rate, I feel "fake" using these terms, and am not even sure when I should use them. If I'm speaking to a woman younger than me, and I don't know her name, should I use "Ma'am"? If I know someone's first name, should I always use "Miss" or "Mr" with it? Or is that only a formality used in a business situation, but not among friends? Are southerners in general fairly understanding that northerners aren't accustomed to using these titles, and that we mean no disrespect by omitting them?

If they realize you are a newcomer, you will be cut some slack. While I was raised in Louisiana, I don't recall myself or anyone as a child being chastised for failing to use these terms. it was something that naturally rolled off your tounge. To be on the safe side, when dealing with older individuals, you can use them. I have found that the younger people aren't too uptight about being called ma'am or sir, but they will address elders this way.

Now one thing I do remember as a child was to NEVER call an adult by their first name, ever, especially your teachers, coaches, neighbors and other adults. THAT was a punishable offense, lol. This is something my parents drilled into me at an early age. Even to this day when i see the neighbors on my visits home that are still remaining, I still refer to them as Mr., Mrs, Miss even though i am approaching 50. Now I do call my older work collegues by their first names, but i would feel weird referring to my childhood neighbors by first name.

Overall, as long as you treat people with respect, that's all that matters.

[P47P47]

I once read an article that included this statement (paraphrased):

"The South is a place where 80-year-old men say "Ma'am" to 16-year-old waitresses."

[justmiinNE]

I did get chastised in school for not saying Ma'am. I moved to Louisiana at 3 years old, Air Force brat. My parents were from Chicago and Pittsburgh, so in my house, I was never expected to talk that way. I think it was in High School or Junior High that a teacher started to yell at me because I answered her 'Yeah' and not 'Yes Ma'am'. I still remember the conversation. "What did you say? I said, yeah. What would your mother say if I called her? She would probably say.....Yeah." I think that pissed her off a bit.

[Katie71275]

I live in the northern part of LA, but yes we use Ms., Mrs., Miss a good bit! I've actually asked someone if the person I was about to address was married or not so I knew how to address them. If I don't know, I just go with Ms. and that works well. And yes I say Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am, , sir, etc. And yes it is a sign of respect and Im pretty sure the person who said they would have been beaten were NOT exaggerating! It is considered very disrespectful here to not use your manners(whereas Im told that in the North people get very offended if you call them ma'am b/c that means they are old lol).

[eastmemphisguy]

In my experience in TN, ma'am and sir are for strangers. For whatever reason, the bar for politeness and formality is set higher for people you don't know. Very unreasonable people make their children use it for everybody. Coworkers are generally just a plain first name. I've never used Miss First Name. Sounds patronizing to me. Feel free to call close friends and family anything you damn well please.