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I love Maine. I never regretted leaving everything I knew for 61 years and moving 800 miles north to a place that I didn't know hardly anyone.
But I wonder if people up here don't understand "the invited for dinner protocol".
Where I came from, if someone invited you to their house for dinner, it was a big thing. You knew that they had probably cleaned their whole house and spent at least 2 -3 hours making the dinner. If you asked what you could bring and they said a salad, then you brought a big classy salad. Usually you brought a bottle of wine of some kind as a heath-warming gift.
And when you arrived you made for sure that you knew where they lived so that you got there on time. You didn't show up later than 5or ten minutes at the outside. Showing up an hour late without calling was considered extreme faux pas.
And when you got there, you owed them at least 2.5 hours, even if you didn't get along really great. You didn't leave as soon as you ate the dinner they made for you, complete with appetizers, main course, and dessert.
And then, you knew that even if you really didn't hit it off, you owed them a return dinner .
I have run into too many people who don't understand any of these protocols. They show up as much as an hour late with lots of dumb excuses. The leave after only 90 minutes of which more than an hours is spent in their eating your food. They bring a salad that will fit in a breakfast bowl. They make no conversation except to talk about their kids---any other subjects far like lead balloons.
And after you did all this for them in the hope of developing a relationship, you never hear from them again.
I'm hoping that I just have made a series of really bad selections of possible friendships, but I'm beginning to wonder if people up here don't understand the "the invited for dinner protocol", after all.
Rural Maine people don't "invite people to dinner". Sometimes veterans will invite fellow veterans, but locals just don't do that. We came home in 1973 an I have never heard of such a dinner among native Mainers.
For thanksgiving this year a friend invited us over for dinner. However I made it very clear to him I had to be home by 6:15 that night, so we could have dinner earlier if he wanted, but that wasnt possible because of (his) other family obligations.
He also didnt tell his other half about us needing to be home at that time. So dinner didnt come out till 430 and we had to leave sharply at 530 (we arrived about 2). It was awkward, but I couldnt really do anything about it. I run a business from home and I HAD to be home. Because of his lack of communication, his other half thinks we are now some sorta rude people.
Anywho, sounds like you are inviting the wrong people to dinner slyfox. I have made the same mistake before as well.
Respect for others and pleasing, gracious manners are important, and I would never dream of expecting someone to bring a gift or food item when I have invited them to my home for a meal. The gifts of their time and presence are enough. Otherwise, why even bother to have the person visit? If they ask what they can bring, I state that there is no need to bring anything, but if they truly want to bring something to share, bring something that they really enjoy and may not always indulge in (their favorite treat from the store is fine).
And while it is nice to receive an invitation to their house in return, it should not be like they "owe" me a dinner! When I do a favor or invite someone to my home, I do it with the idea that nothing is expected in return. Mainers tend to be incredibly respectful of others' privacy and do not wish to encroach on them.
Keeping expectations low is generally the safest thing with people, whether dealing with family or casual acquaintances.
Rural Maine people don't "invite people to dinner". Sometimes veterans will invite fellow veterans, but locals just don't do that. We came home in 1973 an I have never heard of such a dinner among native Mainers.
That's all well and good, but I don't live in rural Maine. And I live in a place near a college and two major world class research labs.
But you already know everyone since no one new ever comes into your community. I live in a place where 65%-75% of the population is "from away". We don't have a lot of native Mainers here.
Respect for others and pleasing, gracious manners are important, and I would never dream of expecting someone to bring a gift or food item when I have invited them to my home for a meal. The gifts of their time and presence are enough. Otherwise, why even bother to have the person visit? If they ask what they can bring, I state that there is no need to bring anything, but if they truly want to bring something to share, bring something that they really enjoy and may not always indulge in (their favorite treat from the store is fine).
And while it is nice to receive an invitation to their house in return, it should not be like they "owe" me a dinner! When I do a favor or invite someone to my home, I do it with the idea that nothing is expected in return. Mainers tend to be incredibly respectful of others' privacy and do not wish to encroach on them.
Keeping expectations low is generally the safest thing with people, whether dealing with family or casual acquaintances.
The comment was partially tongue in cheek. I'm 63. I have a Masters Degree in Chemistry and have worked as an Army Officer, research chemist,quality engineer and quality manager but I have always felt more comfortable with the blue collar crowd. Maybe it's because of the environment I grew up in. Dinners such as you describe were rare when I was growing up. Neighbors came over for cards or a backyard barbecue. Nobody kept score as to whose turn it was to host.
When we first moved back to Maine we lived in a rural area in the County. Our friends either worked in the woods, were unemployed or retired. Bonfires were a part of the culture. You could show up in work clothes and muddy boots and still enjoy some fellowship around the fire. We moved to southern Maine for work and are again in a rural area. We participated in some Meet Up events with retired "professionals", but found we had little in common. We run a small farm here so there is little time for "dinner protocol".
Sorry you have had trouble making friends. Just wanted to explain my comment so you would not think I'm some deadbeat millennial.
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Invitation to dinner 'rules'?
