Kindergarten cut off date (Harvard: daycare, home, transfer)

[mac1974]

Hi,

My daughter will be 5 yo on September second, missing the cut off date of her school district by 2 days. She is very tall (in the 99 percentile), mature, thrives with older kid at daycare heading to K and will be miserable if we have her start school when she is 6 yo.

We contacted the principal and got some push-back (I don't want to name the district for various reasons). It is quite astonishing to me that such an important decision is left entirely in the hands of a bureaucrat that never met my kid. We get the sense that these people obviously enjoy their power to dictate these arbitrary rules on others, like the DMV empoyees get a kick out of ruling your life for 1h. They are drunk on their own bureaucratic power.

I know that this particular school has a policy that allows kids from other district, and even other town! to apply. Can the principal deny my kid to favor another one not even living in the district?

These cut off dates are a great source of anger for many parents, as I get informed about the subject, and I wonder if anyone went through the process and what are the resources available to help us, even legal options.

We know all about enrolling kid in a private K for a year, then transfer. The 3 problems with that are obviously the cost (15-20K$), the need to transfer our kid from yet another school, and the complete lack of guarantee that the same bureaucrat will not deny our daughter to start 1st grade (according to the man-king himself).

The idea of sending my daughter to K at 6 yo, a full head taller than anyone else and nurturing the other much younger kids makes me sad and angry.

Anyone can help?

(please no self-righteous comments from old people ruling the world from their basement. We have had enough of that recently. I want to hear from people with real problems and real experiences...Sorry for my honesty, but I am on the edge these days and don't need yet another lecture from the finger wagging generation).

[495neighbor]

You are not the only parent posting on Massachusetts c-d in several months about the cut off date.

I think it's crazy. It was always through to the beginning or end of December when I was in school. These same kids below the cutoff will be graduating from college a year later. Who needs that?

Kids who are unchallenged are often promoted up a grade, so I don't see why the school doesn't have any leeway in decision making on the earliest level and the principal can't judge on a case-by-case basis.

For a solution, I do think you should become more vocal, get on blogs and editorials locally and through Mom networks in town and on line. Strength is in numbers. If you attract some media attention, it might put a fire underneath that principal's whatever.

[kingeorge]

It is crazy. If she is ready, enroll her in private or parochial school for a kindergarten year, and later transfer her back to public. They can not "not accept" her. That is probably the best way to deal with it.

I do agree that this policy warrants some scrutiny and more media exposure would help.

[tribechamy]

Originally Posted by mac1974

Hi,

My daughter will be 5 yo on September second, missing the cut off date of her school district by 2 days. She is very tall (in the 99 percentile), mature, thrives with older kid at daycare heading to K and will be miserable if we have her start school when she is 6 yo.

We contacted the principal and got some push-back (I don't want to name the district for various reasons). It is quite astonishing to me that such an important decision is left entirely in the hands of a bureaucrat that never met my kid. We get the sense that these people obviously enjoy their power to dictate these arbitrary rules on others, like the DMV empoyees get a kick out of ruling your life for 1h. They are drunk on their own bureaucratic power.

I know that this particular school has a policy that allows kids from other district, and even other town! to apply. Can the principal deny my kid to favor another one not even living in the district?

These cut off dates are a great source of anger for many parents, as I get informed about the subject, and I wonder if anyone went through the process and what are the resources available to help us, even legal options.

We know all about enrolling kid in a private K for a year, then transfer. The 3 problems with that are obviously the cost (15-20K$), the need to transfer our kid from yet another school, and the complete lack of guarantee that the same bureaucrat will not deny our daughter to start 1st grade (according to the man-king himself).

The idea of sending my daughter to K at 6 yo, a full head taller than anyone else and nurturing the other much younger kids makes me sad and angry.

Anyone can help?

(please no self-righteous comments from old people ruling the world from their basement. We have had enough of that recently. I want to hear from people with real problems and real experiences...Sorry for my honesty, but I am on the edge these days and don't need yet another lecture from the finger wagging generation).

The first thing I would do if I were you would be to lose the attitude. If you don't get along with the principal or the rest of the "bureaucrats" in the school system before you even enroll you are going to have a reallllllly rocky elementary school experience for the next 5-7 years.

Yes, the dates seem so rigid and arbitrary and you got some push back, but that's because the dates have been abused in both directions for all sorts of reasons, from the legitimate to the ridiculous. And they've heard it all, every child is a special snowflake, etc. You may have reasonable reasons for wanting your daughter to enroll but the first impression may be of yet another pushy parent trying to bend rules.

So chill a bit and try again. Explain as reasonably as you've explained to us that you have social concerns because your daughter is tall, is more comfortable with older children, etc. Say that you understand why the rules are in place and that you wouldn't ordinarily try to change them but you have concerns about X, Y, and Z. Offer that you can have her evaluated by the school system or privately on your own dime. Get references from your daughter's preschool teachers to support your case and bring them with you.

And above all, please try to work with the school system. Don't try to win the battle but lose the war. (And it isn't a war after all.) If you bully your way into the school early but alienate everyone in the process, what have you gained? What will happen when your daughter needs special help or your family needs special consideration for something in the future...for that matter what happens if your daughter does end up suffering academically or socially for being the youngest in her class? You and your child are trying to have a relationship with this school, please treat it as you would any other relationship.

(I'm a parent who has "red-shirted" a child, somewhat similar circumstances. I'm not a educator myself but very sympathetic)

[tribechamy]

Actually, as I re-read your post, I noticed you didn't say anything about academics. Is your daughter actually kindergarten ready? I don't know if you're aware but kindergarten is a lot more academically rigorous than it was when we were growing up, particularly in this state. Depending upon your school system, she will be bringing home homework, have less playtime and recess time, and will probably be expected to be able to read and write by the end of the year. It's tiring for kids on the older end of the spectrum. Is your daughter ready?

Most parents trying to enroll early talk about how their child has mastered reading, math, etc. but you didn't mention this. In any case the advice is the same: get your ducks in a row, have your daughter's preschool teachers and/or an outside evaluator determine if she is ready to start before you pursue this further with the school system.

[gf2020]

Why can't people just accept the rules?

My twin sons were born in early October, so they missed the cut off by 6 weeks. They have a good friend who was born in late August, so he's only 7 weeks older but he is a grade ahead. There's never been any issues, these things always seem to work themselves out over time. Someone has to be the oldest or youngest in a given grade no matter when the cutoff date is.

[DL0299]

Thanks for all the comments. I agree that getting more vocal is a good idea, and that is what we intend to do. If they want to be the only "decider" in town, then they should accept the consequences of any bad decisions they make. Plus, this practice of cherry picking from where the kids will come from is suspicious, to say the least.

Tribechamy: It may come as a surprise to you, but you are the one displaying an angry, in your face kind of "attitude". You want kids to have mastered reading and math before entering kindergarten? Really? You do know that there is a long way to Harvard, right? I am sure you got it all planned out, with the private tutoring and the SAT assistance instructors, and the whole kit. But I just want my daughter to be happy. It's something that you can "feel", you know, in your gut. Not something planned reading the best selling Tiger mom handbook. So to quote a special someone, I would advise you to: " try to chill out a bit". And remember, its not a failure if they don't make it to med school....

[Parsec]

You always hear stories of people saying they wished their parents didn't start them in school earlier, but you never hear anything bad from people who started school later. If you try to start her early, there is more potential for problems to come up later down the road. Just start your daughter next year when she's supposed to and things will work themselves out.

[Parsec]

Originally Posted by DL0299

Thanks for all the comments.

I'm confused, are you and mac1974 the same person?

[tribechamy]

Originally Posted by DL0299

Thanks for all the comments. I agree that getting more vocal is a good idea, and that is what we intend to do. If they want to be the only "decider" in town, then they should accept the consequences of any bad decisions they make. Plus, this practice of cherry picking from where the kids will come from is suspicious, to say the least.

Tribechamy: It may come as a surprise to you, but you are the one displaying an angry, in your face kind of "attitude". You want kids to have mastered reading and math before entering kindergarten? Really? You do know that there is a long way to Harvard, right? I am sure you got it all planned out, with the private tutoring and the SAT assistance instructors, and the whole kit. But I just want my daughter to be happy. It's something that you can "feel", you know, in your gut. Not something planned reading the best selling Tiger mom handbook. So to quote a special someone, I would advise you to: " try to chill out a bit". And remember, its not a failure if they don't make it to med school....

Umm....I didn't say *I* wanted the kids to have mastered that, I said that frequently THE SCHOOLS want that. Are you and your daughter ready for that? If you want your daughter to truly be happy and not struggle, you do need to consider that.

And yeah, of the two of us, I don't think I'm the one with the anger problem. You're seriously saying things about the schools like, "they should accept the consequences..."? Good luck with that, Dirty Harry.