My love letter to Massachusetts, after six months together (Boston: lawyers, home)

[holden125]

Originally Posted by CaseyB

Gee, I'm sorry if that bothers you so much, I cringe whenever I hear it.

That's a lot of cringing. Ever think about moving?

[packedandready]

Just want to say thanks for the constructive responses. I will say there is one caveat:
I work at the big "tech" (you know the one) and I have had nothing but wonderful experiences there. It has been the bright light in a very rough move.

And I will add that being that my husband is a US Marine, we have traveled all over so my accent is well, muddled. My mother majored in English and trust me when I say that I understand how to speak without sounding like a south Georgia Denny's waitress who has never crossed the county line.

[CaseyB]

Originally Posted by MovingForward

So cringe. Who cares?

I guess you've learned to fit in well here, considering it hasn't been that long. Congratulations! You sound like a native.

[CaseyB]

Originally Posted by holden125

That's a lot of cringing. Ever think about moving?

Holden, you may have misunderstood. I was born and raised here, my family has been here since 1630. Not everyone in the Boston area has that accent. Only certain areas. Not trying to pick a fight, it is just such a harsh accent on the ears.

[MovingForward]

I've lived here 25 years. Grew up in Texas. Am therefore intimately familiar with the specifically Southern, and often Southern female iron-fist-in-a-velvet-glove approach, as we see in the original post of "packedandready." Oh-so-sweet, and oh-so-cutting.

[packedandready]

Originally Posted by holden125

It's music to my ears.





It strikes me as potentially a question of style or tone. Given the "quiet reserve" it might help to curb outward enthusiasm. I, and people I know, often tell people to have a great day but in such a low-key way that it doesn't register as strange. I've seen other people (with Southern accents) do the same thing in a manner which is natural to them, but strikes New Englanders as out of the ordinary and, given experience, fake, even though I don't doubt you mean it sincerely.

This can be a tough place to "break in" (particularly if you can't easily "pass" as local) and people can be gruff, but when you're in you're in. While I try to be courteous to everyone, and never affirmatively rude, I think many people here view "the human element" not as unimportant, but as something primarily applicable to one's immediate circle. With some people, like in a store, the contact will be so brief there's not much you can do to get past the gruffness or even rudeness. The question is whether you can shrug that off and think it's worth it here. It's easy for me since I'm used to it and like everything up here so much there's no doubt it's worth it.

People here are busy, live in a fast-paced culture, and the winter has a bad effect on morale and mood for many. There are a lot of people crammed into a small area with Byzantine roads and a spotty public transit system. It doesn't always lead to observance of niceties. Some (many) try to be courteous (I do) while others don't do as well in that department. You either take the bad with the good or move on. It's unfortunately unlikely that the negative aspects of the place will change, only your reaction can.

I have been made to wait for an hour in a restaurant in the south, and had other less than pleasant experiences, because I didn't have the slightest hint of a southern accent. There is some degree of regional hostility that has not yet been eliminated. I know people in the Boston area who, though it's not particularly fair, have come to cringe at a southern accent because of the perception that that is the region that gave us 8 years of Bush. I do think the 2000 and 2004 elections hardened regional antipathy to some degree, and that may improve as time passes.

Thanks for your insights! I get the impression when New Englanders hear "southerner" they think Dolly Parton, big hair and bright red nails. Of course when I return home it feels like someone hit pause in many of the places, but part of a southerner's reasoning for being nice to anyone and everyone they meet is that we (general we) grew up learning that its selfish and "rude" to burden others with your problems...particularly ones they cannot fix. So, we DO put on a smile even when it hurts...but most of the time it simply changes our own disposition. So maybe instead of looking at us as "fake" (and by the way...I dont scream out "Ya'll have a good day, now, ya hear?") look at us as respecting your boundaries to a degree where we refuse to spread our own misery, should that be the case.

[packedandready]

Originally Posted by MovingForward

I've lived here 25 years. Grew up in Texas. Am therefore intimately familiar with the specifically Southern, and often Southern female iron-fist-in-a-velvet-glove approach, as we see in the original post of "packedandready." Oh-so-sweet, and oh-so-cutting.

We speak quietly, smile and know when to keep our lip buttoned. Keeps men on their toes...

[holden125]

Originally Posted by CaseyB

Holden, you may have misunderstood. I was born and raised here, my family has been here since 1630. Not everyone in the Boston area has that accent. Only certain areas. Not trying to pick a fight, it is just such a harsh accent on the ears.

I guess you pass muster. Though we Irish types have, at times in history, wished we could send the 1630 crowd packing!!!

I'm not picking a fight, I was just kidding. I do actually like the accent, though, and like Steinbeck in "Travels with Charley" I generally lament the reduced presence of accents and homogonezation of speech. The Boston accent means a lot to me because it's home and because it's unique. It doesn't grate on me at all.

[MovingForward]

Originally Posted by packedandready

We speak quietly, smile and know when to keep our lip buttoned. Keeps men on their toes...

I prefer the honest approach.

[CaseyB]

Well, I forgive you.

My husband is an attorney, and for a trial lawyer, it is important that he speak properly (I know you will understand that, being an attorney yourself) and I can't tell you how long I worked with him to get him to ditch any trace of the accent that he had picked up. Good thing he wasn't a native, or it would have been worse. He's from Long Island, but he won't admit it.