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has2dogs - excellent post, your whole first paragraph was amazing. And Calico Salsa, I have loved what you've said on this thread but your response from a couple of posts ago was awesome. I wish I could say so much with so few words. . . .
To We're All Aliens, I thought this WAS kindness, as well as trying to be supportive. . . .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freebird
. . .the difference is that we have experienced both sides now and JuliaHuff didn't get the chance to do that before making the jump. . .
JuliaHuff, please understand that those of us who lived in Hawaii before, or who currently live there, found a place that was right for us at whatever point in our lives and that we will never feel exactly the way you feel right now.... that it's either worth living with what isn't there in order to live around what IS there - or else that we might have agreed with some of your points and decided to move away from the islands for some of those very reasons when the right time arrived for us. The point is that we acted instead of wishing for what we didn't have or thinking we would enjoy living somewhere else - we decided and acted. Figure out the place that's right for you, that has the things you want in your life right now (because what we want in life definitely changes - it did for us - it will again), and go there. Follow your heart and be true to yourself and what you really want.
I apologize for the long post but I have been following this thread since it started. JuliaHuff, I'm not sure if you really want to move for sure or are just having trouble with the initial shock and are rethinking things right now. Hawaii isn't for everyone for sure (neither is New York - and if you dropped me into Manhattan right now, never having been there, I would be wigged beyond words and would miss California and Hawaii both, more than I could ever explain). List the things you do like about Maui, figure out if there are any substitutes or ways to replace some of what you miss about Manhattan, decide if you can embrace the island and focus on the good - if you want to fit into the lifestyle and make compromises and not comparisons - - and if not then you will know what to do. I truly wish for you to find peace and I wish you all the best as you are sorting out what to do and making your future plans.
Many/most other posters tried to reason with and understand JuliaHuff as well, especially in the earlier pages of this thread - people tried to relate, encourage, express concern or good wishes for her - - only to encounter more venting, along with the same (or a similar) response as I did ("Freebird, as I stated in the beginning of my thread-this thread is not for people who are already here-they obviously like it, if they are still here. I am writing for people who are planning their move-so they would not repeat our mistakes.").
I agree. Julia I think depression is hitting you hard and for that I am sorry. I have lived inAZ for along time and I feel it is what you make it. We have chosen to live somewhere else and if this job works out at Maui Memorial i feel like we have to try it. I have gone back in forth with the cost of living, looked at ads, and if I need to be on a strict budget it will at least build character. I think people can be unfriendly anywhere. Since I have lived in Glendale I have received so many hand signals on the freeways!!! I take it with a grain of salt and figure they are having a bad day not me!! Julia I appreciciate your candid thoughts, but when it is all said and done each one of us has to make our own decisiions, and live with them may thet be good or bad. Thanks everyone for all you posts!!!
I think people here have been kind and understanding.
But, I also think it is time to pull up the big girl panties.
Yes, you have had some very hard times recently and been uprooted from a place that you love. Welcome to this isn't how I planned my life club. Huge membership, so you should feel welcome. It still all comes down to about how you handle the situation.
Now, I have always been inspired by those who have taken adversity and turned it around to bring a positive force in other peoples lives. And in helping others, they helped themselves heal. Maybe it's something we learn when we turn our focus onto others instead of the spotlight on ourselves and our misery?
I would surmise that your marriage is not very stable right now and hopefully, you have thought through the pros and cons of leaving your husband behind. Either way has big consequences so what ultimately is most important to you?
if you have been able to up and buy a house of your own in the State of Hawaii, you must have money. of course things are alot easier to adjust to, when you are coming with money!
and in terms of social life, when you have money, it's easier. my sister is on welfare-food stamps, HUD housing etc. she has very few friends and has been there 22 years. on the other hand, her one good friend, who is filthy rich, has a full social calendar and tons of folks to hang out with.
i asked my sister where her friend meets folks. she said "at the spa in Princeville"...and said that alot of folks belong there, for working out but mostly for 'social' aspect. well my sister cant afford that obviously. her socialization is going to the dog park with her service dog in Puhi area (when she can afford to fill up her car) or going to Pine Trees or Tunnels beach, near where she lives.
Quote:
Originally Posted by has2dogs
I plan to post helpful tips for moving to Hawaii for those who WANT to move, as soon as our move is complete in a couple of weeks.
Julia, please consider that there are others who do have a choice, and consciously decide to move to Hawaii, and it is not your place to tell them why they shouldn't. You said this is for those who are "planning their move" as if they need to be told how terrible it will be. For example, why do you insist that Arizona is "so much better," I lived there for four years and find the temperatures in Hawaii to be much more comfortable, and I love the ocean. The higher costs are something I am willing to deal with to have the ocean nearby. Perhaps you should have named this thread "info for those who are being forced to move and why you might hate it here if you didn't want to come in the first place." Why didn't you and your husband make the decision to move together? I would not be moving if my spouse and I didn't decide this together, and we are fully prepared for what it will take to make it there. It sounds like you have some personal issues you need to work out with your husband and it's no reason to take it out on the lovely state of Hawaii, its people, and their Aloha spirit.
I am very outgoing and career oriented, and contrary to what you say, I am confident that life will be fine. If anything my broad career experiences make Hawaii even more appealing, since I can appreciate the slower pace of things in contrast to the hectic life of a corporate executive. This move has been planned out very carefully. The pet quarantine laws were no big deal since we planned everything ahead and our two dogs are going straight home with us. We shopped for our home very carefully so there are constant tradewinds blowing through (except on Kona days, but still quite nice with the ceiling fans on) so I don't plan to sit around sweating all day. We've visited several times, shipped a car over, and stayed up to 3 months straight at various times of the year while working and living every day life so I don't expect any surprises and feel like we have a pretty good picture of what it will be like. [By the way Julia, if you are renting, perhaps you just need a change in location to a breezier location closer to what you like-we stayed in several areas, Wailea, Makena, Kaanapali, Waiehu, Ahuimanu, Waialae, Kailua, before choosing a place] We compared our food, housing and utility bills and they were pretty much a wash. Heat vs. no heat and rare AC, and not having to spend tons on plane tickets to get to Hawaii 6 times a year is going to save a ton. On the mainland, we tend to stock up on food for the week ahead and spend big chunks at a time. In Hawaii, we buy what we need at the farmer's markets in small quantities or based on the newspaper specials, and eating out (at the local non-fancy places) costs the same or less than buying the ingredients sometimes. And we eat what's on sale, there is no set routine of needing milk, eggs, cheese or bread, sometimes it's poke, rice, local tomatoes and asian greens, saimin, and fish instead, and for cheaper.
There's no guarantee that everyone "WILL feel locked up" some get island fever, others don't. I don't like road trips, so living in most cities in the mainland (I've lived in San Francisco, Los Angeles, Boston, Phoenix, New Jersey) is just as much an island as anywhere else since I prefer to fly to travel.
You give what you get. Whenever I am in Hawaii, I feel like my social schedule is so full because my friends know I'm only there for a few weeks visiting. Beach parties, barbecues, baby luaus, dinners out, pau hana cocktails. I can't wait to be there full time so I don't have to feel rushed to fit it all in. You need to reach out - or even just step out of your house, there are tons of community activities where you can be welcomed with open arms, but only if you are friendly back. I met people just by participating in activities, you meet people on a dive boat, in a yoga class, at the bike shop. People are the same everywhere. We are all human, the warmth you felt back in NY is out there, you just have to see it.
Happiness is a state of mind and not a geographical location. Good luck.
And my neighbors right next door are on food stamps, only sometimes pay rent when the grandfather gives them money, and actually spend a lot of it on beer and cigarettes. Yet they have friends, especially all of us on the street. We all meet up regularly, often at their place, to share food and and evening. They have friends come over, they sit and play ukuleles and eat and have a good time well into the night. The kids run around, the neighbors all drop in...
Someone who is able to buy a house also isn't necessarily someone who "comes from money". Me, I worked allof my life, starting young, saved and saved and didn't go on big vacations or spend a lot on partying. My ex-husband & I bought a house that was old and ratty and in a bad neighborhood. We fixed it some, but spent a lot of years struggling. Then when we split, I bought him out and had to live off the food in my cupboards for months. I cried when my boss gave me a $50 bonus because it meant I could buy something fresh, not dried pasta and canned food.
Every year it got easier, because I would get raises and the mortgage stayed the same. Finally I made it here, and bought a house filled with people who didn't pay their bills and trashed the inside. I fixed it up, and now it's something I'm proud to have. I still work hard, every day, every week, to make it possible.
So please, don't ever tell me I come from money. I MADE my money, I come from hard work, some luck, but mostly my own darned stubborness and determination. I didn't just up and come to Hawaii, I dreamed and planned and sacrified.
I know not everyone can do it, and I don't fault anyone's choices or luck. But I riles me a bit when people think that someone who has a house has had it handed to them. That just isn't so.
People don't need money to have friends, or else you are looking for the wrong kind of friend. Or else being the wrong kind of friend.
UHProf, Freebird, appreciate your kind words. I look forward to having the luxury of more time to post (and talk story) after the hectic move is over . . . just felt I had to chip in a couple more cents to clear up any misconception (bellestar) of "having money" in agreement with Calico. In my experience, you don't just "have money" or "come with money," it has to be earned and saved. There are exceptions but I'm not one of those.
I don't want to jinx myself posting a pile of moving tips before I've actually achieved success with it. But, I feel comfortable posting early my top 5 list. Out of my top 5 things to do before moving, 4 of them are SAVE MONEY.
I could have moved to Hawaii over 15 years ago right out of college, with the approx 7K or so saved up painstakingly from all my summer jobs. But I thought I would struggle and knew for sure I'd be renting, with the savings going quickly. Perhaps I would have been fine, but I chose the conservative route of delayed gratification. And the economy was kinda bad in the early 90's so I decided to continue post graduate studies. Since then I have always, always lived below my means and saved everything. I was lucky to meet a spouse with the same values. We moved to a less expensive state with cheaper housing with the intention of earning and saving, "hunkering down" so to speak and paying or dues. We read books from the library instead of having TV for years, now it's included with our business internet. I have never had a new car, only used. I was the last to get a CD player or cell phone, and my car still has a cassette player. I shopped at MacFrugals (now Big Lots) and Grocery Outlet. I'm not tacky or ratty, I drive a decent european car but I got it used. I don't wear rags, I dress nicely when I need to but I shop at Ross or on ebay for those professional must haves and have had some modeling jobs, so being frugal doesn't mean being uncombed and toothless. And I hate the idea of designer labels anyway which is another reason why I love Hawaii. Second run dollar movies at the dollar theatre instead of full price at the megaplex. It's not that we have been saving exactly to move to Hawaii for the last 15 years, I admit I'm not that patient, but we've just had our heads down working and saving, knowing someday it would pay off and enable us to go somewhere where we want to be. Each little vacation we visited someplace new, various spots around the world, but finally settled on Hawaii as the place we want to be, for now at least.
I definitely do not come from money. I have family who would be technically considered to be living at poverty level, and we started at the same place. I tried to help them and have contributed $$ and tried to teach them my penny pinching ways, but with sadness and some frustration I have to say where they are is largely a result of their own choices. Some of my money saving habits were embarrassing to them. People would think they are more successful than me based on appearances. They don't understand why I "deprived" myself of the good things in life with an eye towards the future if I might die the next day. Honestly, I believe in "best things in life are free" - health, sunrises, rainbows, ocean swims, hugs - and I can pass on a Starbucks coffee, shopping at the mall, or the latest and greatest whatever. I'll walk across the parking lot to WalMart rather than stop at a convenience store and do with out my favorite flavor of ice cream until it's on sale.
The friends from my Hawaii "social life"? Met at community beach clean up. Neighborhood board meetings. Doing recreational activities like biking, diving, yoga. Never set foot in a spa in Hawaii before.
And the 5th thing on my top 5? Look at how much you've saved. If you weren't able to restrain yourself from spending enough to save a good amount on the Mainland where it's fairly easy to do (just ask Julia how much cheaper it is!), it is likely a good indication that your lifestyle might not be compatible with life in Hawaii.
Again, my post is for people who are planning their move--do not repeat our mistakes! Do not ship your stuff to Hawaii right away, do not get rid of everything on the mainland. Dont ship your car. MOST of the newcomers go back to the mainland, there is a REASON for it. You dont realize it until you get here and live here, you dont know how it is going to be. Doctor at my husband' hospital pay big money to get out of their contracts and move back to the mainland, even though they get paid very good money. there are millions reasons, moving here is harder then moving to a foreign country. Think about it before you move. Are you ready to give up everything you have on the mainland? Cheap prices, air conditioning, freedom to get on the plane and fly anywhere you want in 2-3 hours. medical care. Freedom to drive 5 hours to go skiing, or see friends in another city. Freedom to go shopping to outlet malls. Your friends, your everyday life. You will feel locked up-most of the newcomers do, the islands are VERY small. it gets very lonely, and it is a HUGE adjustment after living on the mainland.
I moved to the US from Russia, but it was not THIS hard.
Everybody comes here with the plan to stay long time, everybody plans ahead and does research-but in reality almost no one stays.
So dont through stones at me-we meet lots of people every day, who are going back, or trying to get back to the mainland, people are running away like crazy.
I guess it gets old not having an AC, or Gap, or Target or good doctors pretty quick. It also gets old driving around the same small island day after day-the same 3 roads, the same places, the same beaches, nothing changes. Eating the same food-I mean food selection is very limited. Everyone we meet-they are either going back, or planning to go back, unless their are from Hawaii. Actually even locals are moving to the mainland-they cannot afford it anymore.
Again, unless you have a hobby that has something to with the ocean-like surfing, diving, and LOTS of money-think TWICE
Hi Julia...I just read thru all these posts and had one thought for you to entertain before you give up and leave. Is it possible that you are placing too much emphasis on the negative aspects of your daily life? You seem to be relying on outside stimulus to make you a happier person and focusing more on what you don't have rather than what you do have. Is a car and shopping and grocery prices and group gatherings and entertainment really THAT important? When you married, you made a vow "for better or worse". So now you need to make your "worse" situation "better" and not leave your husband behind just because you are unhappy. Try to focus on what you can do for yourself to make YOU a happier person during your remaining stay on the island. Ask a few locals for some traditional meals you can cook instead of going to a restaurant. Check out some of the native crafts and see if something interests you as a hobby to occupy your time. See if there are any groups or organizations that could use your help as a volunteer. These are just a few suggestions that might help you make some new friends. Let yourself be immersed into the island lifestyle and see what happens. Maybe you will find your little niche and be more content for your remaining stay. I wish you good luck and hope that wherever you end up, you will be a happier person than you are today.
Again, my post is for people who are planning their move--do not repeat our mistakes! Do not ship your stuff to Hawaii right away, do not get rid of everything on the mainland. Dont ship your car. MOST of the newcomers go back to the mainland, there is a REASON for it. You dont realize it until you get here and live here, you dont know how it is going to be. Doctor at my husband' hospital pay big money to get out of their contracts and move back to the mainland, even though they get paid very good money. there are millions reasons, moving here is harder then moving to a foreign country. ove. Are you ready twhao give up everything you have on the mainland? Cheap prices, air conditioning, freedom to get on the plane and fly anywhere you want in 2-3 hours. medical care. Freedom to drive 5 hours to go skiing, or see friends in another city. Freedom to go shopping to outlet malls. Your friends, your everyday life. You will feel locked up-most of the newcomers do, the islands are VERY small. it gets very lonely, and it is a HUGE adjustment after living on the mainland.
I moved to the US from Russia, but it was not THIS hard.
Everybody comes here with the p\lan to stay long time, everybody plans ahead and does research-but in reality almost no one stays.
So dont through stones at me-we meet lots of people every day, who are going back, or trying to get back to the mainland, people are running away like crazy.
I guess it gets old not having an AC, or Gap, or Target or good doctors pretty quick. It also gets old driving around the same small island day after day-the same 3 roads, the same places, the same beaches, nothing changes. Eating the same food-I mean food selection is very limited. Everyone we meet-they are either going back, or planning to go back, unless their are from Hawaii. Actually even locals are moving to the mainland-they cannot afford it anymore.
Again, unless you have a hobbyhat has something to with the ocean-like surfing, diving, and LOTS of money-think TWICE
You really must live on another Maui than I do because I just don't believe what you are saying. There are more stores here than I could have ever imagined and the choices are mind blowing. I just don't agree with you, sorry I see things in a totally different light. Maybe you and your husband (or he) should have sat down and really went through your expenses and researched prices, food, areas and than made the leap. My husband and I did just that for five years and we feel we found the perfect island and the perfect area. I could not be happier with the folks we have met and all the things there are to do here (both with and without money). What you say is not what we all feel and there are those who DO NOT go back to the mainland, but do find peace and happiness here. You were lucky to have lived in Manhattan and I think you just got spoiled - why not try a 1 1/2 to 2 hour commute into work to the city everyday like I did (for 15 years) and like MOST New Yorkers do, work 8+ hours and than get to do it all over in the evening when you are tired and hungry,(and those cold dark winters) believe me you would be singing a different tune! For those who want to make the move the best advise I can give you would be to have a financial plan, research EVERYTHING, and be patient, don't just leap before you look, the ones who come here with "closed minds" no money and no plan are the ones who are going back to the mainland.
For those who want to make the move the best advise I can give you would be to have a financial plan, research EVERYTHING, and be patient, don't just leap before you look, the ones who come here with "closed minds" no money and no plan are the ones who are going back to the mainland.
Another factor is "island fever." We researched moving to Hawaii and spent a few months living there as a trial. Unfortunately island fever got to both of us and distance from our families. While HI is beautiful and we found the culture and people absolutely great, the island fever was difficult for us to overcome.
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Maybe it's something we learn when we turn our focus onto others instead of the spotlight on ourselves and our misery?
. There are more stores here than I could have ever imagined and the choices are mind blowing. I just don't agree with you, sorry I see things in a totally different light. Maybe you and your husband (or he) should have sat down and really went through your expenses and researched prices, food, areas and than made the leap. My husband and I did just that for five years and we feel we found the perfect island and the perfect area. I could not be happier with the folks we have met and all the things there are to do here (both with and without money). What you say is not what we all feel and there are those who DO NOT go back to the mainland, but do find peace and happiness here. You were lucky to have lived in Manhattan and I think you just got spoiled - why not try a 1 1/2 to 2 hour commute into work to the city everyday like I did (for 15 years) and like MOST New Yorkers do, work 8+ hours and than get to do it all over in the evening when you are tired and hungry,(and those cold dark winters) believe me you would be singing a different tune! For those who want to make the move the best advise I can give you would be to have a financial plan, research EVERYTHING, and be patient, don't just leap before you look, the ones who come here with "closed minds" no money and no plan are the ones who are going back to the mainland.
