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My mother is negative all the time. She could win a million bucks and still be unhappy about something. She is also overly critical. It's getting harder and harder to ignore and spend time with her because I just don't want to be around it. Is this a possible mental illness? Or is she just a not so great person?
What's her history? If this is new behavior, she may be depressed or otherwise physically ill and not communicating about it. Has she had a check-up lately? Have you confronted her about her behavior?
What's her history? If this is new behavior, she may be depressed or otherwise physically ill and not communicating about it. Has she had a check-up lately? Have you confronted her about her behavior?
She's always had a negative streak, although these days she seems even more so. She can be mean and spiteful. Right now we aren't speaking due to her calling me a liar and saying I'm hiding things from her because I didn't tell her that my sister got engaged. That was my sister's place to tell her, not mine. I rarely confront her but when I finally do it's because I've had enough. So when she started in on me I did confront her this time. This may seem like not a big deal but she can and has been worse.
She claims I tried to run over her when I very slowly let my foot off the break when she wouldn't let me close my car door when we were arguing one time. I told her over and over I wanted to leave and she told me I couldn't. I knew the argument was just going to get worse so I was trying to take off so we could both cool off. She wouldn't get out of my driver's side door way so I told her I was going to let off the break. She still wouldn't move. It's not like I gunned the gas. Well ever since that argument, "I've tried to kill her." Which is absurd.
Right now she's angry because we are moving an hour and a half away because my husband got a better opportunity in a different town. Also, she seemed quite upset when I told her I was being treated to an all expense paid trip to Rome. She's saying nasty things about my brother and sister behind their backs and they are happy and successful. They don't talk to her much because of her negativity. She's always looking for the negative in things and can never just accept good news. I used to just think she was a difficult person but she seems to be getting worse.
My heart goes out to you, carlitasway . If I may make a suggestion - your mother is the way she is for whatever reason. Try (if you can) to humour her. Just let it run off your back so to speak. She does have a problem of some kind and you have knowledge and presence of mind. You know you cannot successfully argue with her and you know she has a problem. Forgive her for her problem and don't let her get to you. Don't get absorbed into her whatever it is. That's easier said than done I know but that's my suggestion. She is your Mom after all, for better or for worse.
My Mom was a bit odd too. She was autistic as I only recently came to realise but nothing like your Mom.
With people like your mother, I simply walk away when they are spewing forth their negativity. I don't say a word, I just walk away with their mouth blabbing in mid-sentence!
Because she is your mother, that does complicate things a bit. If you must be around her sometimes, perhaps you can limit the amount of time you have to listen to this? (Make your visits short?)
Also visit less often.
Another thing you can do is get assertiveness training. See a mental health counselor to sign up for an assertiveness training group. They teach you how to deal with difficult people like that - helpful in other areas of your life too like with pushy door-to-door salesmen, working with the public, etc.
And if you must deal with her on a regular basis, there is no one better than a mental health counselor to consult about how to handle such a person! (And keep your sanity.)
Tip: After having a "session" with your mother, go hang around some normal positive people for an hour or so. That will set you right again!
I would avoid her as much as possible. She sounds very manipulative. Limit your conversations with her and make them mostly by phone. Tell her firmly why you are limiting your conversations with her and suggest she get some help. Be firm and concise. When she starts in, just hang up or walk away. You are doing the right thing. Don't let this person guilt or gaslight you.
She dropped in unexpectedly yesterday. She said she wanted to see my new car. My son offered to show her because I was busy. She insisted I had to show her. I told her I'm cooking and the food will burn. She said to just turn it off. I knew she wasn't going to leave so I did and followed her outside. Showed her the car and was hoping that would be that. She insisted we needed to talk. So we sat in her car, I kept my door open because she sat down, closed her door and turned the car on. Then she started an argument. Kept constantly twisting my words and was saying a lot of not very nice things. She would twist every statement to make it sound like I was saying I completely wasn't. At one point my son came out and I had to send him back inside. I finally said I'm done and got out of the car and she sped off. So, no, it's not funny or cute or tolerable. And she's not just grumpy. She has no boundaries. She kept texting and calling all night. I didn't answer any of them. It drove her crazy.
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