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When I write an email, document, letter, blog, post something on the Internet or whatever it takes me a really long time to complete it because I must read what I wrote 3-4 times to catch all the dropped words and letters. My mom said, "Your dad does this too. It is something people in your dad's family do. It is normal." But I think it is not normal.
When I write I can not write as fast as my mind is thinking. I can not keep up with my fingers because my mind is spinning so fast due to hypomania from Bipolar II. I get what is called "racing thoughts" where the thoughts come so fast it is like standing under Niagra Falls. If a normal person gets 10 thoughts in 10 minutes I get a thousand. I can not hold onto a single thought because the flood of ideas and thoughts immediately flushes out the idea I wanted to hold onto. What I wanted to keep thinking is washed away in the flood of new thoughts. It is easy to think multiple thoughts at one time if you can hold them present in your mind, but if those thoughts are immediately pushed out by new thoughts the train of thought is lost. It is gone for good. It is like trying to hold 10 different concepts/ideas in your head simultaneously and then deal with 10 more new thoughts every 2 minutes like clock work. This is a simple example because it is actually faster than that and there are more thoughts than 10. It can feel so overwhelming I feel motion-sickness because my mind is working so fast.
My dad's family has a history of Bipolar running rampant through the family tree. I am ill with Bipolar II and so are my siblings. Along with the Bipolar I have OCD, ADHD, Social Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and PTSD. I also have Dyslexia. I mix up letters and numbers. They look the same to me. I can work on a computer because I have memorized which letter goes to which key. I know words phonetically and that is how figure whether a word has a d or a b in it, a O or Q as the first letter, how I tell apart p, q and y. etc.
I think dropping words when I type and then having my insert them when I reread what I wrote is OCD, hypomania and ADHD combined, but I am not sure. Does anyone have any input on this topic? Do you have trouble dropping words and letters, too? Is writing hard for you because you drop letters and words?
My mom does not drop any letters or words. She thinks it is puzzling to read my emails when I am missing at least one word per sentence and sometimes two. I now reread everything at least 3 times before I send it because the comments from others indicate they think I am kind of stupid. I know I am not stupid. The UCLA Neurological Dept told me I have above average intelligence and they were impressed with my intelligence, but I do have problems with focus and concentration on brain testing tests for brain illnesses/brain injuries. I went to UCLA for brain testing because I am no longer as smart as I used to be due to oxygen deprivation when I flat lined and died. I do not know how long I was dead for. I was not gone long enough to be declared dead. But when I came back to life none of the doctors were working on me. They had given up. They knew I was dying. I knew I was dying when I flat lined, but was still conscious. I looked at the machine and it was silent and there was nothing happening on it. I saw the button was glowing indicating it was and I thought, "This is not a good day" and then I was gone. Everything went black. I had a very interesting death experience. I met other dead people and the beings that were moving the dead humans around. The administrator assigned to me came to collect me and took me to two beings that were superior to him. The three of them talked to me and told me, "You are not supposed to be here." I said, "What?" The being explained to me there was a mix up and I went there early, but I was not supposed to be there yet. I asked if I could stay because I felt so happy, blissful, filled wit joy and it felt like pure bliss. I didn't want to leave. We discussed it and they would hear of allowing me to stay. I begged and pleaded to be able to stay, but they told me, "No, you must go back. Now is not your time." The one leader lifted his arm and pointed at my stomach while he talked. As soon as he did that I regained consciousness in the ER. I took a deep, gasping breath and sat up. I screamed to the startled doctors, "Put me back! Put me back! Put me back! Put me back in my bliss place. I want to go back. I don't want to be here. Do you know what you have done? Why did you interfere? I was happy in my bliss place. I want to go back." Four of the doctors working on me walked away, but the fifth one smiled and broad smile and said, "Tell me where you were." I began to describe to him what I saw, but another doctor said, "Get her out of here. Check her into the hospital." I was wheeled away to a hospital room and in the hospital for almost 2 weeks before they discharged me. When they asked me what year is it I could not find the words for two thousand. I could only get the last digit of the year. I said, "It is 5! The year is 5. (It was Dec 5, 2005.) I was happy to get the one digit. I was asked, "Do you know who the President is?" I could remember Bush, but I thought that was not right. I did not know who the President was. The first Bush? The second Bush? Clinton? I wasn't sure. I had to say, "I don't know who the President is."
When I came home all the letters were in a jumble when I typed something. Every single word came out that way. I could not read what I wrote. It was like a word jumble. All the letters were, but scrambled and in the wrong order. I had work 9 hours a day, ever day on my computer to have the letters get closer to being in the right order. I could not spell check if the letters were in the wrong order. It took me a year to get past this problem doing my own program for rehab.
I had all sorts of memory, focus and concentration problems. I found on the Internet that you can grow new neural paths in the brain if you stimulate the brain. Once the brain cells are dead, they are dead for good and not coming back. Your body does not make new brain cells, but if give the brain stimulation the nerve ending will reach out and grow a new neural path around the dead brain cells and affected area making a pathway to the healthy brain cells. Once I read that I designed my own recovery program and made a difficult, painful recovery that took me 2 years to over come the brain damage due to the lack of oxygen when I died. I did 3D puzzles, regular puzzles, read the Dictionary to relearn the words I had lost, worked on my computer to straighten out the word jumble mess, Suduko puzzles, Majong, solitaire, mind puzzles, etc. I read about random things that interested me and memorized facts to exercise my ability to focus, concentrate and remember. When I went to UCLA and spoke to the top doc there he was fascinate with the program I designed for myself. He said, "We have never thought of doing the things you did. Please tell me everything you did so we can tell patients in the future." It seemed like common sense to me. Why would they not think of it? It seems obvious.
Even after my two recovery and coming back to a normal functioning level I find I drop more letters and words than I did before. It is possible the lingering brain damage issues are making it worse. Certain things are harder for me now and I just had to adjust that my life is different now. I can not go back to the past. I have done what I can to regain this much capability. Physical rehab to learn how to walk again without falling over was exhausting. I would leave my rehab appointment feeling mentally and emotionally rung out. It is really tiring to work your mind and body so hard to get well from a brain injury.
I don't know what to think of this problem. My father is exhibiting unipolar depression symptoms these days. Since he went into unipolar depression he is dropping more words than usual in his emails. It is noticeable that he has gotten worse. An ex-boyfriend of mine told me I cycle in and out of this problem so he asked me it was bipolar cycling related. I don't know if it is or not, but I found it interesting that he noticed and told me. I notice I do it whether I cycle into depression or I cycle into hypomania. I do not see a clear cut pattern. I think I do it more when I am in a hypomanic cycle.
Can anyone related to what I have described? Anyone have a similar problem?
With regard to the letter/word dropping as you point out, you have more than one thing going on and I believe "it's never ONE thing"... I am Bipolar I and have ADD. From what you post IMO it is some degree of dyslexia. My husband is a highly educated engineer. His son (now 37 years old with a successful career in Information Technology) had learning disabilities as a child, one of which was dyslexia. I was a "Liberal Arts" major and worked as a journalist. Over the years I have had the opportunity to read various things my husband has written, reports, memos, letters, etc. I have helped him edit things periodically. What I noticed from the get-go was the dropped letters and words (not to mention the poor spelling before the advent of Spell Check) and sometimes transpositions of letters. While he has never been officially diagnosed with dyslexia I (as well as he) have concluded that he has it to some degree. My understanding and research on the topic is that there are varying "degrees" of dyslexia. Just like bipolar, ADD etc., many people who have dyslexia are talented, intelligent, and successful in their chosen careers. Unless it interferes with your job functions, is incapacitiaing, or can cause a fatal error (like a doctor writing a presciption for 51 mgs. instead of 15!) I wouldn't fret too much. There are proactive ways to compensate for any small errors (computer grammar checks and spelling checks for instance) and other "tools" that you can learn to use to compensate. Good luck!
Same with me. I often type words I don't intend to and leave out words I intend to put there. I think maybe I think too fast and my brain and typing aren't always on the same page.
I think it's more common than you realize. For me it may have something to do with ADD or maybe it's just that my brain and fingers think two different things at the same time.
At any rate, I always have to read things over and over to make sure I don't screw up too. I always catch mistakes. Just something I've accepted. Better than sending out sloppy stuff.
Judging from many of the posts I've read on this forum, I'd say it's much more common than you realize. It simply bothers you more so you go back and fix it. I do it a lot too and then go back and fix b/c I'm a bit of a perfectionist and yeah, my posting takes longer than most I believe.
Thanks you guys. People started asking me about my writing and why it is a jumbled mess. I drop at least one word per sentence, put words in the wrong order and that prompted one person to ask me, "Are you a Spanish speaker? It that why words end up in the wrong order?" Uhhhhh, nooooo. I am not a Spanish speaker, but thanks for making me self conscious! Love that!
I just thought I might have an issue with how I can't tell the difference between ninety five and fifty nine when they are beside each other. I can't tell right from left. Never could and still can't. Dialing a phone it takes me 3-5 tries to dial a number right. If a number is not in speed dial I don't want to call it. I hand my phone to someone else and have them dial it for me. I think I have a doctor appointment for 3:20, but it is really for 2:30. I am unable to figure out the number that corresponds to a month unless I count on my fingers. I can't remember the months forward and backward. I can't add or subtract years or months. I can not see it in my head. I must use a calculator. My father said, "Good God there is something WRONG with you! That is NOT normal!" Way to make me feel better, dad.
With regard to the letter/word dropping as you point out, you have more than one thing going on and I believe "it's never ONE thing"... I am Bipolar I and have ADD. From what you post IMO it is some degree of dyslexia. My husband is a highly educated engineer. His son (now 37 years old with a successful career in Information Technology) had learning disabilities as a child, one of which was dyslexia. I was a "Liberal Arts" major and worked as a journalist. Over the years I have had the opportunity to read various things my husband has written, reports, memos, letters, etc. I have helped him edit things periodically. What I noticed from the get-go was the dropped letters and words (not to mention the poor spelling before the advent of Spell Check) and sometimes transpositions of letters. While he has never been officially diagnosed with dyslexia I (as well as he) have concluded that he has it to some degree. My understanding and research on the topic is that there are varying "degrees" of dyslexia. Just like bipolar, ADD etc., many people who have dyslexia are talented, intelligent, and successful in their chosen careers. Unless it interferes with your job functions, is incapacitiaing, or can cause a fatal error (like a doctor writing a presciption for 51 mgs. instead of 15!) I wouldn't fret too much. There are proactive ways to compensate for any small errors (computer grammar checks and spelling checks for instance) and other "tools" that you can learn to use to compensate. Good luck!
Thank you for your post. I started researching dyslexia a little bit. I think I have it. I had a terrible time learning to read and could not distinguish between the look a like letters. b and d look a like. c and e look alike. p, q and y look a like. B and D look a like. O & Q look a like. See my post about numbers, dates and the calendar. I never thought about these things until people started asking me, "Why do you do that?"
When I write an email, document, letter, blog, post something on the Internet or whatever it takes me a really long time to complete it because I must read what I wrote 3-4 times to catch all the dropped words and letters. My mom said, "Your dad does this too. It is something people in your dad's family do. It is normal." But I think it is not normal.
When I write I can not write as fast as my mind is thinking. I can not keep up with my fingers because my mind is spinning so fast due to hypomania from Bipolar II. I get what is called "racing thoughts" where the thoughts come so fast it is like standing under Niagra Falls. If a normal person gets 10 thoughts in 10 minutes I get a thousand. I can not hold onto a single thought because the flood of ideas and thoughts immediately flushes out the idea I wanted to hold onto. What I wanted to keep thinking is washed away in the flood of new thoughts. It is easy to think multiple thoughts at one time if you can hold them present in your mind, but if those thoughts are immediately pushed out by new thoughts the train of thought is lost. It is gone for good. It is like trying to hold 10 different concepts/ideas in your head simultaneously and then deal with 10 more new thoughts every 2 minutes like clock work. This is a simple example because it is actually faster than that and there are more thoughts than 10. It can feel so overwhelming I feel motion-sickness because my mind is working so fast.
You answered your own question. I don't have bipolar yet I have a hard time writing as fast as I'm thinking. Have you tried to use a dictation program. You don't have to type. Simple speak and the program writes for you. BTW - I have to reread all my writing because I always forget to add a question mark to my questions. Don't read too much into what you are doing. You'll drive yourself nutz!
I neither am Bipolar or ADD or ADHD or any other random initials........but I do (due) find I mix up my synonyms more than ever.......and I was an English Major and definitely know (no) the difference (and better). I suspect it's nothing more that a tired brain - our brains are so over-stimulated in our here and now society. As long as you proof something that goes out on anything you care about, you should be fine.
I find I most often drop the small words when I'm writing, especially a story. I think my brain is racing on in full speed as the words pour out and somewhere in there it needs to drop a few so the really important ones don't go, the ones which have to be right. I'm constantly amazed when I write this way how many words are just not there but its pretty obvious what they are. Editing is something one should always do, especially when the brain is in writing mode.
Once, though its stopped, I kept adding an 'e' on the end of words. I don't know why and it stopped. Oddly enough getting a solid keyboard cover to keep dust from killing them so soon, and the way you can' t LOOK at the keys and have to trust your fingers had really helped in keeping down the oopsies. I find they move faster that way. And the keyboard is immune to the coffee cup and the dust so it may live much longer.
I do this too and I leave stuff out on math exams too. I look at a problem, get a general outline of it, I'll work until I don't want to work on that one anymore, then come back to it. But on the upside, I can see the general outline of the test and even the whole math subject being taught without as much practice needed as others.
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