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No suggestions have been made, but I know he's going to want me to go back on Prozac for the first time in 7 years but I don't want to go on Prozac. I hate being on drugs. I hate being dependent on drugs.
All I'm doing is ruining my life by being lazy and depressed and not getting anything done, and refusing to take the effort to go out and make friends, and sometimes watching TV so late at night that I go into work tired, not being productive at work because I'm a perfectionist and if I can't do it perfectly I'm just going to stare at the computer all day or fool around as much as I can get away with or duplicate busy work efforts, and eating a bunch of crappy junk food because I'm too lazy to learn how to cook, and not getting any exercise.
But darn, all of that is better than being on Prozac. Why ? Because that's all who I am, and Prozac would change who I am. I don't want to be a different person. I'm proud of being me. I don't want to change because admitting that one has to change means admitting that one is not perfect.
I think my problem is I've always tried to be a god and believed that I could live my life perfectly, and learn skills that really aren't consistent with my abilities, and it's ruined my life.
But if I admit I need to change, then I lose that very essence of who I am. I no longer am me.
I don't care if my life sucks, I'd rather be me than lose who I am and have to give others credit (drugs, therapists) for making me a better person. I am a proud a-hole.
But if I don't do what the psychologist says, he's going to be mad, and I really hate making people mad.
1. Psychologists can't prescribe drugs, only Psychiatrists can.
2. Prozac is great. I'm on a low dose and it has dramatically reduced my anxiety and makes me feel less upset in general. I don't think it's changed who I am.
First of all, the psychologist is not going to get mad. And don't be concerned about making him mad, that's not important.
Second, we all grow and change throughout our lives. That doesn't necessarily mean there was something bad about the way we were, that's just what life is about. Growing and learning. Without that our lives would be pretty shallow.
Maybe he'll suggest Prozac, maybe not. If it helped you before, I'd do it, there's no shame in it, and it doesn't mean you aren't still you. But that's your choice to make.
Hey, you're paying him, right? If you don't like his suggestions, say so. If he won't work with you, fire him and hire someone else. If you're against the drugs, they won't work, anyways.
All I'm doing is ruining my life by being lazy and depressed and not getting anything done, and refusing to take the effort to go out and make friends, and sometimes watching TV so late at night that I go into work tired, not being productive at work because I'm a perfectionist and if I can't do it perfectly I'm just going to stare at the computer all day or fool around as much as I can get away with or duplicate busy work efforts, and eating a bunch of crappy junk food because I'm too lazy to learn how to cook, and not getting any exercise.
But darn, all of that is better than being on Prozac. Why ? Because that's all who I am, and Prozac would change who I am. I don't want to be a different person. I'm proud of being me.
You're proud of that? I mean, I get that you struggle with "who you are." But justifying it by pretending that you're proud of it, is pretty sad, don't you think?
Being proud of "ruining" your life, being lazy, staying up so late at night watching TV that you go to work tired, refusing to make the effort to make friends, not being productive at work, eating unhealthy food and refusing to exercise...
These are the things you're proud of...
Think of it in more simplistic terms:
You wear clothes when you leave the house. You cover "who you are." You hide it under your clothes. Why would you want to hide yourself with clothes, if you're proud of who you are? The answer, is that you live in a society where certain things are considered appropriate, and certain things are considered inappropriate. And if you want to live in that society, you have to make an effort to conform, within reason. And so, you wear clothes.
If you want to be a member of society, and enjoy what society has to offer you, then you need to attempt to -be- a member of society. No one is going to -want- to be in your company, if you are depressed, lazy, unmotivated, too bored to bother, and arrogant enough to pretend that you're proud of it.
If that's what you -want- out of life, then by all means, shut yourself in, be depressed, goof off at work til you lose your job, stay home, lose your home because you have no income to pay the rent, become homeless, and become another statistic on the street.
If you want something more than that, then take the prozac. You can't expect the world to change to accommodate you. If you want to live IN the world, you need to change yourself to accommodate it.
Edited to add: Prozac doesn't "Change who you are." It subdues parts of who you are, that don't serve you, and emphasizes those parts of who you are, that serve you best. Unless you're one of the few unfortunate who suffer the more severe side effects - which you didn't indicate you suffered in your OP.
And if Prozac doesn't float your boat, there are other options that might. You can try for a second opinion, but going by the whole "I'm proud of being a useless lazy depressed pointless human being" attitude of your post, it's likely another doctor will suggest the same thing.
No suggestions have been made, but I know he's going to want me to go back on Prozac for the first time in 7 years but I don't want to go on Prozac. I hate being on drugs. I hate being dependent on drugs.
All I'm doing is ruining my life by being lazy and depressed and not getting anything done, and refusing to take the effort to go out and make friends, and sometimes watching TV so late at night that I go into work tired, not being productive at work because I'm a perfectionist and if I can't do it perfectly I'm just going to stare at the computer all day or fool around as much as I can get away with or duplicate busy work efforts, and eating a bunch of crappy junk food because I'm too lazy to learn how to cook, and not getting any exercise.
But darn, all of that is better than being on Prozac. Why ? Because that's all who I am, and Prozac would change who I am. I don't want to be a different person. I'm proud of being me. I don't want to change because admitting that one has to change means admitting that one is not perfect.
I think my problem is I've always tried to be a god and believed that I could live my life perfectly, and learn skills that really aren't consistent with my abilities, and it's ruined my life.
But if I admit I need to change, then I lose that very essence of who I am. I no longer am me.
I don't care if my life sucks, I'd rather be me than lose who I am and have to give others credit (drugs, therapists) for making me a better person. I am a proud a-hole.
But if I don't do what the psychologist says, he's going to be mad, and I really hate making people mad.
I'm in a conundrum.
You are confusing your essence with the idea(s) of who you are.
They are radically different.
If you knew who you were essentially, changing your persona's m.o. would not be threatening to you.
But since you are "grounded in a false center", ie; a false notion of who you are, changing is like dying.
You're identified with a false self .... or a conditioned self.
That's not who you are in truth.
That said, there are alternatives to Prozac and other pharmaceutical approaches.
Psychologists cannot write scripts, so you're safe there. I suggest you find a different therapist. And, honestly, who really cares if he or she is "mad" at you? It's your life and your body. Be in charge.
You're proud of that? I mean, I get that you struggle with "who you are." But justifying it by pretending that you're proud of it, is pretty sad, don't you think?
Being proud of "ruining" your life, being lazy, staying up so late at night watching TV that you go to work tired, refusing to make the effort to make friends, not being productive at work, eating unhealthy food and refusing to exercise...
These are the things you're proud of...
Think of it in more simplistic terms:
You wear clothes when you leave the house. You cover "who you are." You hide it under your clothes. Why would you want to hide yourself with clothes, if you're proud of who you are? The answer, is that you live in a society where certain things are considered appropriate, and certain things are considered inappropriate. And if you want to live in that society, you have to make an effort to conform, within reason. And so, you wear clothes.
If you want to be a member of society, and enjoy what society has to offer you, then you need to attempt to -be- a member of society. No one is going to -want- to be in your company, if you are depressed, lazy, unmotivated, too bored to bother, and arrogant enough to pretend that you're proud of it.
If that's what you -want- out of life, then by all means, shut yourself in, be depressed, goof off at work til you lose your job, stay home, lose your home because you have no income to pay the rent, become homeless, and become another statistic on the street.
If you want something more than that, then take the prozac. You can't expect the world to change to accommodate you. If you want to live IN the world, you need to change yourself to accommodate it.
Edited to add: Prozac doesn't "Change who you are." It subdues parts of who you are, that don't serve you, and emphasizes those parts of who you are, that serve you best. Unless you're one of the few unfortunate who suffer the more severe side effects - which you didn't indicate you suffered in your OP.
And if Prozac doesn't float your boat, there are other options that might. You can try for a second opinion, but going by the whole "I'm proud of being a useless lazy depressed pointless human being" attitude of your post, it's likely another doctor will suggest the same thing.
My emotional response to this kind of post is to say: I don't give a damn and I don't have to conform to this stupid world. I am my own god, and if the world has a problem with it too bad.
In the end, I'll be a statistic whether I conform to what you want me to be or whether I don't. So I might as well be a statistic my own way. I refuse to subdue myself to your demands.
I will take Prozac only if I choose to.
The world will not change to accomodate me, but I can be like a god and conquer it for myself so far as I wish to possess it. If I seek to remain the god of my own world, maybe I'll become a homeless person on the street, but maybe I won't. I am a genius, you see. I can do anything. And I don't need no stinking Prozac to accomplish that.
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