U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 05-27-2012, 12:02 AM
 
382 posts, read 664,157 times
Reputation: 272

Advertisements

I am 30, married, with a baby on the way in September. My father and I have never gotten along. He wasn't the best husband and wasn't the best father. He would argue with my mother a lot (Who passed away in 2005 from cancer). As I was always closer with my mother, I would get involved and defend my mother. I found out last year he had affairs, etc, etc.

Here is the tricky part about the situation. He has Multiple Sclerosis (sp) which SUPPOSEDLY brought on borderline personality disorder.

Since my mother passing away, he has dated a few women but ultimately all the relationships ended. After the break-up(s) he becomes suicidal, drinks, passes out and ends up in the hospital. This routine plays out until he meets somebody else.

He also does not get along with anybody in the family. He at one point was a successful advertising photographer but ended up losing his business due to many reasons and is currently hoping he will get approved for disability.

Whenever we speak it turns into an argument within minutes. His psychologist says that he has behaved this way his whole life because of M.S. and un-diagnosed borderline personality disorder. I don't know if I completely agree with all that. A lot of us in the family feel he drinks, failed suicide attempts, complains as a way of getting attention.

I barely peeled the onion...but do any of you know anybody with borderline personality disorder and how to deal with a family member? The fact that he is going to be a grandfather scares my wife and I. We want him included but his behavior and mine are going to have to change. I will admit I added "fuel to the fire" over the years but was always able to justify myself. I would also like to add that the relationship he has with me, mirrors the relationship he has with his brother. Help???
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-27-2012, 05:25 PM
 
Location: Eugenius
593 posts, read 1,269,739 times
Reputation: 580
I know a few people in my life with similar things going on. They are just too toxic for regular people to be around. It is best to limit your interaction with them. You can't constantly have your life revolving around dealing with his messed up life. If you must have him in your kid's life, have supervised visits with him and make them short. Try to never get caught up in his emotional feedback loop either. I know it's all easier said than done, but there's not much else you can do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2012, 09:06 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,243,316 times
Reputation: 1047
It's nice that you still want to include him in your children's life. I won't tell you not to do that, but I urge you to be very selective in how much you include him and how you include him.

Family is so complicated. I feel for you. I wish I could give you more/better advice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2012, 09:11 PM
 
578 posts, read 933,089 times
Reputation: 654
I would be extremely hesitant to let this man near my children. BPD is nurture not nature derived most often therefore it takes YEARS to live even a modestly normal life with intense therapy. My ex married a BPD and my children have virtually no relationship with their once close father. Sad and disturbing. These people are very very cunning and destructive
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top